Ask a GG - Part Two

[ReineD]

My question is whether a heterosexual (or bisexual) transgender person (MTF) (to distinguish from a CD person) must be perceived as a necessarily a criticism of his partner?

No. Are there any comments from GGs in this Q&A session that would lead you to understand that just the mere fact of a MtF CD, TG, or TS presenting as a woman would be perceived as a personal criticism by their wife? My SO has identified in turns both as TG & CD in the past. I am not offended by his presentation, other than at times I wondered if he was wanting to attract men. I myself dress sexily on occasion, specifically to be attractive to the opposite sex. (I don't dress that way just to hang out with other GGs. ) There is nothing wrong with dressing sexily, if the GG (or CD, TG or TS) is single or wanting to be pleasing to their SO.

But, female-attracted CDs/TGs/TSs must understand that this doesn't work both ways. Although a GG's husband will appreciate it if his wife dresses to please his male instinct, there is nothing about short skirts, décolletage, form-fitting sweater dresses, high heels, etc, that would sexually stimulate a hetero GG. By definition, a hetero GG is not stimulated by other women, whether they are sexy or not. So if her CD, TG or TS husband dresses that way, it is difficult to not assume the husband is wanting to be pleasing to men.

If one doesn’t present as a vamp, sex kitten or some other stereotypical, sexualized representation of a woman... must the TG person’s presentation be viewed in the same light?

No, of course not.

Ladies - Simple Question : Do you think it is normal Human Curiosity that a young boy might think it would be fun to see how he would look and feel in one of his sisters pretty dresses, Tutus, and dance outfits ? After all his sister seems so happy dancing around in these colorful outfits. This being a boy that had NOT been taught that Girls things were never to be touched by a boy and if he did ridicule and punishment would follow ?

Nope. I think the vast majority of boys have no interest in trying on girls' clothes. Most prepubescent boys think that girls and anything girl-related have cooties.

Harder Question : If your young son or grandson showed a curiosity about girls clothes would you play along and encourage him to try something on for fun or scare the crap out of him and tell him to not even think about doing anything Girlish ?

The motive for putting on girls' clothes is initially sexual, for most boys who choose that route. I would explain to my son that he would have a happier sex life later, if he didn't engage his neurotransmitter reward system to associate sexual pleasure with wearing women's clothing. Instead, he might find out what his buddies were sexually attracted to and cultivate sexual arousal for that.

If my son were under the age of 5 when first wanting to wear girls' clothes, I would neither encourage nor interfere. I would let it play out. One of my sons wanted to wear my high heels. It turned out he just wanted to be taller than his older brother. lol

[Robbiegirl]

I guess the real question then is if a boy is even curious about girls clothes is he already doomed ?

And can boys recover if they make the mistake of stepping into a dress, tutu, or panties. ? Are they doomed ?

[ReineD]

I guess the real question then is if a boy is even curious about girls clothes is he already doomed ?

And can boys recover if they make the mistake of stepping into a dress, tutu, or panties. ? Are they doomed ?

Having had 3 sons and lots of experience with having all their friends come to the house to play, and for literally hundreds and hundreds of sleepovers over the years, I'd say the boy who is curious about girl clothes has already learned to associate physical pleasure (if he is too young to have experienced orgasm) with the symbolism that items of girls clothing represent to him. If he continues to indulge, and doesn't confide in someone who understands enough to help him without shame direct the arousal elsewhere , then eventually all those synapses will form and the behavior will embed. Eventually the behavior will become part of his identity.

We live in a rather sexually ignorant society. Parents don't talk to their kids about pleasurable feelings or sex at an early enough age (kids begin to touch themselves and feel physical pleasure at age 3 or 4) and homophobia is rampant, and so little boys who experience the need to try on girls panties or tutus for other reasons than just being curious, feel they must keep it a secret and so they are pretty much on their own to keep reinforcing the behavior. Once established, sexual preferences cannot be changed, especially once they form part of a person's identity.

You might want to read this:
https://sexologyinternational.com/un...sexual-fetish/

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Char and Di.

Thank you for your replies. I think I am not going to let this bother me. I've only been out to her for a couple of months. She honestly doesn't understand why women want to wear woman's clothing let alone understand why her husband does. Quite frankly, j have no idea why j want to either. I'll continue to take it slowly and see where it goes. Thanks again.
Robin

[Amy Lynn3]

I have a thread going in the Clothing and Beauty forum about Charcoal Bars for facial washing. I ask for advise about the use and quality of those bars, but with little results. My next thought is to come here and ask the gg's to maybe log into my thread and comment on my question. I'm sure some of you ladies can give expert advise on the usage of them, unless it is giving away top secret information. hehe

[char GG]

Sorry Amy Lynn, I have never tried Charcoal Bars. I've looked at them but did not feel the need to try anything different than my typical routine. It's my understanding that they are for oily or blemish prone skin. If that is your skin type, it may be worth a try.

[Crissy 107]

Trust, I’ve lost it with my wife and would like to get at least some of it back.
I came out to my wife over 5 years ago and in the beginning it was all ok as long as I kept it in house with no friends or family finding out. No problem with that and it never has. Earlier this year my wife found out I was on this site, she has been a mess over this. She has told me, you know it’s the internet. Just last week she started to talk about this side of me which is very rare. She told me I lied to her by keeping this part of me quiet for so long, we have been married for many years. She told me I have my “friends “ to talk to and she has nobody. Believe me I tried to get her to join here and talk with you ladies. The by far biggest issue is the lack of trust in me. When we got married I had already suppressed this part of me and continued to do so for many years, successfully I thought. We all know this will never go away but I did not know that. I knew she would not like me being on any site like this so that was the reason I never mentioned it. Like I said I was already out to her about my desire to cross dress, which she of course also does not understand.
Will it ever be possible to gain some amount of trust with my wife again? This is something that has caused issues since early this year.

[char GG]

Wow Crissy,

Everyone relationship is different so not knowing you or your wife, it's hard to know if her lost trust will ever be regained. At this point, you are in an uphill battle.

She may be anxious about you being on line, especially if she hasn't visited our site. My husband didn't start CDing until six years ago. His first on line site was "Date A Crossdresser" which was really pretty horrible as far as I was concerned. Even the name of the site was alarming. When he came to CDer.com, I thought it was more of the same. However, I found this site to be very helpful, after I was able to weed out what I considered fetishists and alarmists (that took some time).

I understand her reluctance to join us but if she is willing to take the step to join us, she may find answers or be able to vent since she does have anyone to talk to. It's hard to be alone and sometimes, as a wife, our own thoughts can be our worst enemies.

At this point, you are what I would consider to be recovery mode. Tell her you love her often. Make sure you are always honest in the future. Hopefully, your honesty will positively answer questions that linger in her mind. She probably still has many festering concerns that need to be talked about. Since she doesn't have anyone she can talk to, maybe she would consider seeing a therapist, as a couple or by herself, familiar with gender concerns.

I wish you both the best.