I'd like to double down on what Gillian Gigs says (#19).Originally Posted by Teresa
I think that a woman has a right to be upset if she's compared unfavorable to another woman. And it's twice as bad if the woman she is being compared to is really a man dressing as a woman. That, IMHO, is the problem in being in competition with a natural woman.
Teresa,You are not being validated....You aren't living in a neighborhood of gender professors at the local university...They have had no exposure to what goes on in your head so expecting understanding is pointless. Because,from day one of moving in,you did not present as female,most likely the guys see you as a "twink"...And the plasterer is looking to get what he isn't getting at home..You could become the reason for him being kicked out...
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Rogina,
Sorry way off the mark , the couple are very much like my wife , I don't comply . Also how can I know what goes on inside their heads , I may never know what goes on behind their closed doors , so I may never know if I've touched on a nerve with them . I can't and won't be held responsible for him being kicked out , the situation has been created in their home not mine .
You often hark back to this but on my moving day it would have been impossible to appear dressed , I walked out of my old home to follow the removal guys and left my wife and sister in law in tears on the doorstep .
Steffi,
The question is competing as what , a threat to the wife or a threat to the husband
[QUOTE=Teresa;4400547]Rogina,
You often hark back to this but on my moving day it would have been impossible to appear dressed , I walked out of my old home to follow the removal guys and left my wife and sister in law in tears on the doorstep .
/QUOTE]
You have lots of past posts about "coming out" to your neighbors.Now that lack of gumption is biting you on the butt. The refrigerator moving was a guy/guy thing. And the other guy thinks of you as feminine. Not to mention the fence painter when you mentioned pink for your side.... And it wouldn't have mattered any different if you left your wife wearing a dress....
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
The big thing i get from all of this is the mere fact that there is obviously trouble between the wife and the husband I would venture this trouble is deep rooted and not linked to you moving in near them but your degree of femininty must be a grating point between them? yes for sure he is a jerk saying what he did comparing your nails to hers but at the end of the day I would not like to be in the middle of their marital difficulties or more seriously a divorce.
I would if I was you politely distance yourself from them for a while at least, let the dust settle to a degree between them, by being friendly ( and yes it is good to be friends with the neighbours) is all well and good but with where they are right now your very being might be a factor of their discourse, the wife possibly sees you as some sort of competition so I would back off, leave them to it.
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
Rogina,
Simple logistics , I couldn't have moved my fridge alone , he wouldn't have helped me as Teresa . As for walking out my old home dressed , I'm sorry but how many here could have done that in those circumstances , could you ?
It's quite a joke now with my other neighbour about painting my side of the fence a shade of pink , they have gone from ducking and diving to being fairly sociable even the wife now having a long conversation with me when I returned from shopping dressed as Teresa . I'm not giving up on the neighbours across from me , that is what I would call using some gumption , my sense of humour is winning them over . OK at times they may laugh at me rather than laugh with me , I can live with that .
Why not ? If he only knew you as Teresa,a woman,then I bet he would have helped . You are too close to your situation to see what some of us see with it. And,if I was leaving home to live life on my terms,I would have no problem doing it my way.Your wife was mad,no matter what...
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
She may have said it but you weren't listening. Clearly it is, and always will be, just about you.
I've read your and Ro's exchange and then read your OP several times to try and see what you actually want out of writing it. And, alas, it seems it's just like all those old "You wear dresses and skirts better than a real woman" threads all over again. It seems the required response is for us all to say:
........Oh yes his wife is jealous because you are a way more attractive female than her (or any other genetic woman for that matter) and yes I'm sure he fancies you and I'm sure his wife went blonde to try and emulate your natural feminine beauty. Gosh I wish I could be you.
Happy now?
Last edited by DaisyLawrence; 10-16-2019 at 02:34 AM.
Jealous of you? No. Not unless she suspects that her husband might be attracted to males. You did say they know you are a birth male.
Upset if he told her that you are more attractive than she is? Of course any wife would be upset if her husband told her that he was more attracted to someone else, male or female, than her. Wouldn't you be upset if you were in a good relationship with your wife and she told you that she thought someone else was more attractive than you (male or female)? I would.
Does the wife think her husband is attracted to you? If she is secure in the knowledge that he is hetero, then the thought wouldn't cross her mind. If he has given her cause in the past to believe that he may be attracted to men (they both know you are male), then she might think he is attracted to you if he was stupid enough to tell her that he believes you are more attractive than she is. But I doubt any husband would be that stupid?
You've posted this situation with these neighbors before. So now I wonder if you relish the prospect of the husband preferring you over his wife. Do you see this as some sort of competition? Would you like it if the wife was jealous of you?
Edited to add:
I've just skimmed through some of the other posts in the thread. If the wife did update her hair and is dressing up more, and if they are sleeping in different bedrooms, one possibility might be that she has a new lover. lol
Last edited by ReineD; 10-16-2019 at 03:30 AM.
Reine
I have a different take on this, having been on the wrong side of an emotionally abusive relationship myself.
There are only 2 reasons for telling your partner that you think someone else is better/smarter/prettier/funnier/whatever than they are. It's either (a) a one-off accident that you feel bad about or (b) a deliberate attack on their self-esteem. If it happens repeatedly then it's (b).
The sex or gender of any of the people involved is irrelevant, and the person being compared shouldn't take it as a compliment; it's just another stick to beat the partner with. You're being used as a pawn in establishing or reinforcing a bad power dynamic, nothing more.
ReineD said:
> I wonder if you relish the prospect of the husband preferring you over his wife.
> Would you like it if the wife was jealous of you?
This, plus Daisy's reply.
> one possibility might be that she has a new lover. lol
She needs one by the sound of itRun away, run away.
Last edited by Eemz; 10-16-2019 at 06:55 AM.
Reine,
My basic problem is to resolve why they choose to duck and dive when I appear as Teresa . The bottom line is I try get on with everyone, OK I'm a little naive in hoping for that .
I see it as them making fools of themselves for a ridiculous reason , I know if I stop dressing now in front of them it won't resolve it because the problem is on their doorstep not mine .
All I've done in my thread is repeated what he said to me and posed the question WHY , what prompted him to say it ? I sincerly hope he hasn't repeated it to his wife and told him as much .
I'm in no way interested in any relationship with either of them apart from being on good neighbourly terms, I can do no more but still don't fully understand the competition question possibly because I don't know what goes on behind their frontdoor and what has been said .
Eemz,
I do feel there is some truth in your reply , there does appear to be a tit for tat relationship , he does often tell me he still loves his wife , I wonder at times who he's trying to convince .
Daisy ,
Believe what you like , you've always been a great one for spouting BS !!
Rogina,
My moving day was a day from HELL ! I hadn't gone full time at that point , what you're suggesting could never have been a reality . Besides all my clothes were carefuly sealed in boxes so no one at that point knew what I really planned to do , I didn't even believe I could pull it off myself.
The UK legal system let me down badly , the right to the property doesn't happen until the final payment has been cleared legally , the removal guys sat in their truck at 1.00pm outside my new home with all my belongings but couldn't off load until I had the keys . It was a wet ,freezing cold February day , I was going demented outside the estate agents waiting for the transaction to clear , I finally collected the keys at 4.30pm by which time the removal guys were threatening a surcharge payment . Flashing through my mind was my marriage had just ended and I was about to start a new life alone , the last thing on my mind at that point was which dress I should have been wearing to wave goodbye to my wife in !! How the hell could I also have appeared in front on my new neighbours as Teresa ?
I don't believe I am too close to the situation all I know is I may be making some mistakes and openly talking about them , please don't make me feel like some criminal for doing so . Is your life so perfect ??
Last edited by Teresa; 10-16-2019 at 02:52 PM.
Why is it so important to you?
Don't these people deserve to feel the way they feel?
If someone doesn't like or accept me, that's their loss not mine.
As we age it's easier to switch to blond hair color especially when you're trying to hide gray hair. The Roots don't show as easily. That could be the reason not knowing all the details.
Not everyone is going to like you. And it's really not your concern why they don't like you. You can't impose your pet theories onto them, it doesn't work that way and you don't know them well enough.
It's a big world out there. Just be the friendly face that waives hello from across the street and then go on about your business. Find someone else to help you move heavy furniture.
Reine
I am reminded of myself as a child struggling to believe that other people could see in the same way that I could. I used to want to get into their heads and look out through their own eyes to confirm it. I can't remember a particular time when I grew out of that, but eventually I took it for granted to the point that I stopped thinking about it!
Although I find your answers 'not awesome', I'm pleased you have written them. It explains something to me about you that once led to a previous thread from you being deleted ( purportedly at your own request ). However, I can't complain about the consistency because this episode demonstrates that it operates against you just as effectively as it operates against others when it comes from you.
I'm going to suggest to you that if Teresa were to meet a cis version of her former self, she would struggle to get acceptance.
Based upon what you routinely write to those here whose needs necessitate a non-binary presentation ( basically pressuring them to go full femme ), despite the head-start that your experience of gender struggles should give you, you struggle to accept them because you can't understand the root-to-branch of what they do. Therefore, a cis version of yourself would not accept you for the same reason.
And based upon this thread, you ( as Teresa ) would struggle to accept that the cis version of yourself does not accept you.
Nevertheless, you hope for acceptance from the general public, and you mostly get it. They do not know why you do what you do because even we do not know that about ourselves. They would generally not be able to empathise with gender struggles because they do not experience them. So they accept you on blind faith - something that you are incapable of doing for NBs despite your knowledge and experience.
Sobering, no?
- L.
Last edited by Lydianne; 10-16-2019 at 09:03 PM.
Oh no, someone said something I don't like, let's just tell them they talk nothing but bulls**t and ignore the possibility that most of the membership might agree with them.
Anyhow, as you are incapable of hearing anything I say maybe you should read the replies form Reine and Lydianne and try to step out of your little binary box so you can actually understand what they are saying for once. Thing is, you can lead a horse to water.........................
I've been doing some more reading & thinking, since my last reply...
Back in the day when I was younger, prettier & more adventurous (), the more I was finding myself out in public & interacting with all kinds of people, while I was all dolled-up.
And as such? The more & more predicaments & situations I suddenly found myself in! Keep in mind, too, that I had absolutely *no* experience to fall back on with all these new, confusing & (at times) quite surreal dilemmas. Certainly one heck of a ride.
Not to make light of all this, but seems to me that apparently Teresa has been getting a good taste of this, herself.
Anyway, is this neighbor-guy simply dealing with this stuff as best he can, as perhaps he's never had much, if any, interaction with someone like Teresa, by innocently-enough saying & doing the things he does? Quite possibly, who knows.
Or, is there something a bit more behind his words & behavior?
I ask this latter question because, at least in part, I know how some guys can sometimes operate. And one could certainly make the case that, "Hey, here's a potential opportunity I've never had before. Kinda weird & different, but ya only live once! And the way my home-life has been going lately? Maybe a bit of discreet & no-strings-attached 'kinky fun' might be just what the doctor ordered!"
There are some guys out there who have been pretty much hetero their whole lives. Given a certain situation, though, at the right time & place, with the right person? Hmmm...
Remember, hetero guys are not only attracted to GG's, but they're also attracted to the feminine presentation -- sometimes even *already* knowing ahead of time that there's a natal male somewhere under there. And as long as the hetero-guy would potentially do what he normally does with GG's? Well, would it really be so "gay," per se?
I'm not necessarily agreeing with all this. But, this can be an example of the kind of mental gymnastics that an otherwise-hetero male may be wrestling with in his head (and in his pants).
I don't know the whole truth to this situation... No one here does. I suspect the neighbor-couple, however, is privy to certain information that we are not (as that's only between them behind closed doors -- as well as inside the guy's mind).
Anyway, I'll leave off with this, for now...
I would gather that a photographer with decades of experience would probably not only have a natural eye for detail that others might not pick up on, but who can also mentally visualize the *whole* picture, as well.
Bottom line? You're the only one here with the camera, Teresa.
P.S. I can only speak for myself, but I'd be curious of any new key developments, should they occur somewhere down the road.
ellbee, That is a very interesting prospective on what may be going on here and I believe it has some merit.
Crissy
Teresa,
I feel tbe best thing you can do at least for the immediate future is go arms length with these neighbours. By all means wave, wish them good morning, "How are you?" Hasn't the weather been awful". All the the usual neighbourly banal chit chat and leave it at that. Even if they initial more by way of conversation, without appearing rude, make your excuses to leave, "An appointment to keep, a train to catch" and then seek to rebuild at a later point if you sense that their relationship has improved.
If it remains toxic then you're always going to offend one or other of them.
Last edited by Helen_Highwater; 10-17-2019 at 11:15 AM.
Reine,
I guess I'm trying to not to make people hate me , possibly too hard . You are quite right , to him and other neighbours I am the just friendly face who waves , time can only tell if I can expect more than that . I still must consider myself lucky that all my neighbours have accepted me outright without hostility .
Lydianne,
I had to think hard about your 4th paragraph , you are correct in saying I'm not comfortable with the NB label , I wouldn't say I'm pressurised into being femme , I know I'm more comfortable in that state . Even now I still struggle at times in the belief of what I do , I could post another thread on this subject after a couple of incidents recently where other people apparently believe in me possibly more than I do .
Maybe it all boils down to the couple across from me still cast doubts in my belief , as I'm afraid my wife still does . The fact my neighbour said what he did confused me , I'm getting a mixed message from him which I can't quite get my head round .
My acceptance on the whole has been more than I ever expected , I'm beginning to think less about the reasons why and just get on with life . If people want to talk I'm prepared to listen otherwise I know leave it alone .
Interesting point , if I wasn't TG would I reject Teresa ? I'm inclined to say no I wouldn't . That also goes back to accepting people for what they were in my photography business , yes I did meet the weird and wonderful but all in a days work . I've also done quite a bit of charity work , mostly on the fund raising side , there are so many people in this World far worse off than me and most of us on the forum . Very often a disability is only a disability if others make it one !
ElleBee,
I'm sure the first part is more applicable than the second part but that is all an assumption , I may never know what makes the couple across the road tick .
Helen,
There is a difference between being toxic and a lack of understanding , I rate very few people toxic , they have reasons for that behaviour . I've had enough counselling to realise that fact .
Last edited by Teresa; 10-17-2019 at 05:30 AM.
Well, as I mentioned earlier, you have no control over others. Hate is likely a stronger term than necessary here, possibly neutrality or dislike is a better one as regards your neighbors, but people do have vast and complicated backgrounds and influences that have absolutely nothing to do with you. And so if they don't warm up to you, you cannot possibly impose your pet theories as to why they don't, not even that the wife may be jealous of you. lol. There could be dozens of reasons why they don't want to hang out with you and so the best you can do is seek friendship elsewhere. We've all had to do that in life, whether we are CD/TG or not.
Reine
Reine,
I do feel the husband is trying to be a friendly neighbour . I will admit I'm stuck with my situation at the moment , I'm renovating my kitchen now and he's offered to help with any heavy lifting and tidy up the walls and ceiling , he's also offered use of his trade account to reduce my costs . He's basically paying me back for me cutting his lawns when he was away on holiday . As far as the dressing is concerned it's going to take time , he may not understand me but I feel he respects me . If I hadn't been so open from the start he may have given me a much harder time but we've chatted about famillies so he knows what I've sacrificed . I admit I'm still confused over the comment he made , it would be nice to know what prompted him to make it .
Don't worry about his comment Teresa. And don't worry about his wife. I'm friends with one half of many couples - this is rather common.
I wouldn't come onto him though, not while he's married, just in case his sexual attraction to genders is rather flexible. This means try to dress the way you would dress as a guy when you're doing renovations with him, even if it means loose girl Tshirts, girl jeans, and girl construction shoes - not clothes that show off boobs, bootie or legs. And try to stay clear of sexual innuendo when talking to him.
Reine
Oh, for the love of...
Teresa, you should probably think even harder about that fourth paragraph. Lydianne was referring to your attitude towards other members of this community - notably those of who view themselves as nonbinary - and your unwillingness (at least seemingly) to accept that those of us who don't conform to what you believe. You've made it clear that you are a trans woman, to the point where you're currently crowing about your next door neighbour mentioning that you're more attractive than his wife, but those of us who are happy dressing part time, or staying indoors, or not out and about 24/7 seemingly aren't "doing it properly" in your eyes.
You might notice I've been a member for quite a few years, but don't have many posts. I avoided the site because, well, because of you. I recently came back after the pink fog descended out of nowhere, and in the past two weeks I've seen you:
- Criticize people for not respecting the TG of view in a thread specifically about MIADs, because YOU identify as TG.
- Tell someone who was a part time dresser and struggling with it that everyone who crossdresses has gender dysphoria because YOU have gender dysphoria.
- Criticize the SOs of various people for not being supportive enough, even inferring that their marriage wasn't sustainable since they would never accept them, because YOUR wife wouldn't accept YOUR situation.
And that's just off the top of my head. Its just a constant "enough about you, lets talk about me" stream. And that's not support Teresa, its tone deaf. If not flat out condescending.
I'm not saying the above to be mean or petty - and since this site is all about tolerance, it might even get me kicked off. But Teresa, it has to be said. Repeatedly. IT'S. NOT. ALL. ABOUT. YOU. There are HUNDREDS of people viewing this forum at any given time, but only a dozen or so choose to participate. There are so many people out there who are confused about their crossdressing, married men who have been just enjoying wearing panties every now and again in secret and are wondering what it says about them, young kids who have been trying on their sisters/mothers stuff and are worried about the same, and are on here looking for some sort of advice or guidance - and you're banging around here claiming everyone has gender dysphoria, wives are unsupportive and its only going to end in tears once it all comes out, and speaking of coming out even though I say repeatedly that I'm straight, I'm kinda excited that my next door neighbour fancies me.
[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]
Last edited by Di; 10-22-2019 at 03:38 PM. Reason: Just removed the forum business
Bearded, hairy, beer-chugging, truck-drivin', wife lovin' manly man......sometimes in lingerie and heels, and occasionally a cute dress. MIAD 4 life!
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