Hello Andy,
That sounds like something a duly qualified and licensed mental health care practitioner can help with. The way it works where I live is your primary care physician refers you to an appropriate practitioner.
A competent practitioner will not judge you. If that happens, it's time to ask for another referral. They are unable to help you once a judgement has been imposed upon you.
Please get on this without delay. It's difficult for us to read between the lines, but for someone like me who's been there, you are in danger of falling into the rabbit hole of depression. It gets more difficult as time goes on without treatment.
