hello Kathleen,
early in our marriage my wife asked me why I was so unhappy. I eventually found the courage to tell her. Her reply was "is that all, it's only clothes, I thought it might have been something serious". My wife really does not mind - but she has never asked me why or how I started crossdressing.
I dress at home some evenings, I under-dress "in public" some days.
Most importantly I would not do anything to embarrass my wife and family.
I don not know if that fits your "active DADT" scenario?
luv J
