I have to open my eyes

[Maria 60]

I have the alone time now I could write another thread, I just wrote one about my strange sister in law, and a interesting day. While the women were out I dressed up and went to a crossdressing store that I went to a few weeks ago. Last time there I asked if they still did make overs there and she said they were renovating and would let me know when they were done so she can show me. Yesterday she sent me a text that if I wanted to check it out, and looking for any excuse to go out dressed today I called her and dressed and went. When I got there she told me to wait because there was a client there and he didn't want to be seen. When I walked in I was introduced to what I believe was a women who did the make overs. She showed me around and at the same time she looked me over and once finished she asked me what my goal was and what or how I wanted to be seen when I walked on the street? I told her that Im mostly in the closet and pretty happy there but when I do step out I don't believe I could pass as a women but I want to look decent and respectful and maybe passible enough that I want to maybe just blend in. She said that she didn't think that I see what's in the mirror, I had a puzzled look on my face. She asked me to walk towards her and to look myself in the mirror, and as I was walking over she said how could I think I look presentable with "HONK". She grabbed my private area and asked me why I don't she the bulge sticking out. WOW! she was right, she asked me to sit down and she started to explain that I have to see what's actually in the mirror and not what I want to see in the mirror a common mistake. She told me to either tuck it in or buy some girdle panties. She pointed some other little things and told me if I want to book a few hours with her in the future she could fine tune me a bit. I got up and looked myself in the mirror and there it was popping out like a sore thumb and I didn't notice it, I thanked her and told her I guess I see alittle delusional. I walked back to my car in a not so confident walk like when I walked in. I guess I still have a lot to learn, not so complete as I thought.

[Lydianne]

. . .


We notice way to much.

Wow! I can't believe our vision for detail, and I know how it feels when I put my pantyhose twisted. Lol. When I walked in the room this morning I noticed her first because she was wearing a skirt, I instantly for some reason was checking out if I could figure out what kind of tights she was wearing. When I was checking out her legs I couldn't help to notice the material of the tights twisting up her leg. Is that crazy or what?

- L.

[Robertacd]

Well they did have a point, tucking is like crassdressing 101 don't cha' think?

[Stephanie47]

One thing I have noticed IS the eye see what the mind wants to see. I noticed that a long time ago and it was not in relation to dolling myself up as a woman. It was my 'guy' self. When I developed pictures of myself I noticed I do have a little too much of a belly. In my male photos my lack of hair is a lot more obvious than looking in the mirror. And, so it goes on and on. There are other obvious imperfections that my mind does not see in the mirror. I do have to agree with Roberta when it comes to hiding the male bulge. I would recommend for anyone to take pictures of yourself en femme and compare them to the image in the mirror. I'm sure there are many who feel they have done an adequate job using concealer of hiding the beard shine......until it shows in a picture.

[Helen_Highwater]

Maria,

I think that's what they call being cruel to be kind.

It is all about the package, and I don't mean the one between your legs. As it's been written many times, it's the sum of the whole. Get one element wrong and things don't add up.

Mannerisms, shaping all contribute. I wouldn't dream of going out without tucking even under a full skirt. Also for me there's a psychological factor. Having no bulge even if I'm standing in front of a mirror just in knickers looks and feels more femme.

Feeling more femme I believe translates into looking more femme as it influences by behaviours.

If I were you I'd listen intently to what this woman has to say. She seems to know a thing or two.

[GretchenM]

Here is a little explanation of how this "selective seeing" works. It is true most of the time that what you see is not completely what is there but an interpretation. Your eyes don't really produce the highly detailed image you "see." Your eyes pick up general forms, color information, and the like and just enough detail to figure it all out. It is really like an image made with a really bad camera. A megapixel image is about as good as it gets and it is often not that good.

This ends up in 17 different interpretation centers mostly in your visual cortex. Each center creates an image out of the raw information that includes the rough details of what that center is configured to produce. Some process color patterns, another processes lines, another texture information. These various images are then blended to produce a rough final image. Here is the clincher. That image is then finalized by supplementing and refining it by adding EXPECTED detail and fine tuning DERIVED FROM YOUR MEMORY. Here is where things get messy. Often unexpected things are removed as defects when in fact they may be real. They get lost in the refinement. You see them, but they are ignored in the final refinement. Thus what you don't see because of your brain's expectations others (especially strangers or makeup artists and the like) can see because they don't have any expectations relevant to you. Also, only the central part of the image is greatly refined with processed and assumed detail. The rest of the image is estimated and absent fine detail. It provides a context without adding much information.

So it is quite true that what you see is, to some extent, based on what you want to see due to the influence of memory and experience. The amazing thing is that this entire process is repeated 60 to 100 times per second to create snapshots that are linked by intermediate assumed images to create what appears to be a smoothly moving image. In other words our vision is like watching a movie composed of individual frames flashed on the screen at 60 to 100 frames per second, but with the brain smoothing it all out based primarily on expectations. What is really amazing is that it works and is quite manageable in keeping us operating in a world that is changing even faster than our vision and interpretation can deal with. You can pretty much trust what you see in the mirror, but for precision ask someone else to look at you and tell you what you see. They may describe you in a somewhat different and a more objective way than you see yourself.

Amazing!!!!

[kimdl93]

Isn?t it funny how we can see what we want to see and miss little details. But it goes both ways...sometimes you see what you want to see and at other times, you?ll obsess over presumed flaws that others don?t see. On balance, this shows why it helps to have an objective observer now and then.

[Krisi]

One of the reasons I take photos of myself is so I can look at the "whole" Krisi. The mirror just isn't enough.

As far as "tucking", you must have been wearing a tight skirt for that to show. More importantly, if you are trying to pass as a woman, you're going to need some padding in the hip and butt area. Just strapping on a pair of boobs won't do it. I find that with enough padding, the "bulge" goes away.

There is a sticky thread at the top of the page with a couple hundred suggestions for tucking. There are also videos on youtube.

[Teresa]

Maria,
Sorry you had to learn the hard way but after so much time on the forum I can't understand why you didn't see it as a basic necessity . Whatever I wear whether it be a floaty dress , a tight bodycon dress or jeans I always tuck .

The mirror can sometimes be an unkind friend but you really have to take a good look before heading out the door , doing everday in broad daylight is harder than a few brief minutes jumping out the car to fill up with fuel when it's dark .

[docrobbysherry]

This a lesson EVERY CD should learn early! What u see in the mirror is not always accurate!

In nearly all my 10,000's of photos I find flaws and mistakes that r CORRECTABLE!
If you're really serious about your looks?

TAKE PHOTOS GIRLS!

[alwayshave]

She grabbed my private area and asked me why I don't she the bulge sticking out.

Maria, I find this statement disturbing. Did she actually grab or just point?

[Teresa]

Jamie ,
Good point , not quite the normal behaviour , the bottom line is none of this should have happened .

[Helen_Highwater]

She grabbed my private area and asked me why I don't she the bulge sticking out. .

Yep, it's a bit unorthodox but sometimes there's a need to really carry a point home. A touch of shock and awe if you like. Maria's next line perhaps illustrates the point

WOW! she was right,

This could be the start of a new renaissance for Maria. Once you start to examine yourself more deeply other things come into focus. Each little thing improved adds to our ability to go about un-noticed. Maria you posted this on another thread;

I wouldn't care if I was read or not, I wish I had your courage to walk in the mall. I would be read forsure after my bulge experience yesterday.Lol. All kidding aside you should be very proud of yourself it takes a lot of confidence to do those things you do

Well if you don't care about being read, get a few things sorted and you to could be following Krisi and many others from the forum out and about. Don't underestimate what you to can achieve.

[Tracii G]

Jamie I can't see a better way to drive home the point her junk was showing.

[BTWimRobin]

One of the reasons I take photos of myself is so I can look at the "whole" Krisi. The mirror just isn't enough.

Hi Krisi,

I completely agree with you. When I am dressed and look in the mirror I see a pretty woman looking back at me. I see a completely different person when I look at a photo of me dressed. In my limited experience, the mirror reflects back who I want to be, while the photo paints a more realistic picture. I've got a long way to go before the picture agrees with the mirror.

[kimdl93]

Jamie I can't see a better way to drive home the point her junk was showing.

It was a bit extreme, but seriously, that?s cross dressing into level... You don?t want to see an unsightly bulge, nor would you want anyone else to see it.

[Sandi Beech]

Gee, talk about making a point. That must have been a shocker.

Sandi

[alwayshave]

Jamie I can't see a better way to drive home the point her junk was showing.

Tracii, I believe if an actual touch was used, that is over the top.

[Kitty Sue]

Very interesting. What a great point about about actually seeing what is in the mirror, rather than what I want to see. That really hits home. Thanks Maria for your post.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I don't have any problem with what she did.

It was direct and to the point.

Best of all it was a lesson that Maria "won't" forget!

End of story

[Lydianne]

@OP:

I was hoping you might have taken the opportunity to use your new perspective about your vision for detail and the feeling of walking back to your car after having been given the advice you sought, to evaluate your approach in the meeting room at work, where you gave the woman advice about her twisted tights, which she didn't seek.


It turned out from your recount that the twists might have been constricting blood flow and causing her pain ( fortunately for you from a HR standpoint ), but from your description of events upon entering the room and the detail you claimed to notice about women generally, you had seen the twists before she mentioned her pain. You also did not clarify to her the link between the two when you had the perfect opportunity to do so, i.e. when the others looked at each other and the room went quiet.


I do credit you with the benefit of the doubt that you only mentioned the twists in the tights to her because she mentioned her leg pains, but from her point of view until later in the day when her leg pains eased, she had just been given unsolicited advice about fixing her tights in a room full of her colleagues . . from what she knows to be a man.



Contrary to initial impressions of my posting in #2 --and I left it that way deliberately to avoid possible positive influence--, I do not think your vision for detail is diminished because of your tucking oversight. I mean, transformations are extremely difficult, and I know I have satisfactory attempts as well as failures. The transformation consultant is a pro, and it's unlikely you would have met her approval standards first time. She could probably reel off a dozen things at first glance that need improving about each one of us here. Your misstep does not nullify your entire body of work which should extend beyond dressing..

( ..or, more accurately, it should have begun elsewhere and translated to dressing.. )


Naturally, I'm assuming you credited yourself with the vision-for-detail attribute based upon other secondary factors [ actually primary ] than noticing details about other women's dressing [ that's the secondary ]. Vision for detail manifests itself first in other deterministic and quantifiable ways in the things we do constantly, for example, performance at work, punctuality, driving, spelling, etc. The longevity of doing the fundamentals without diminishing one's regard for detail then translates to the special-case stuff which might be a bit less quantifiable.


- L.