Dannie, can I ask? Had you look for help of a therapist lately? If you, when was the last time.you see him/her.
I'd read and I believe I post an comment on all those late thread. You're no going to find solution to your problem posting in all sections but open your real life to a professional.
Here you will find some support, sometimes it can be wrong, or not honest, or just personal experiences like mine I already share with you. If you do nothing towards to look the exit of the tunnel nobody will do it for you and things can get worse. The rate of suicide on trans people is around 40% just because they don't look for help and just drown on problems that many had already found the solution but with real help.
I and, I think, are willing to read your posts and try to help you but nobody will do the job of a therapist can do.
Mho.
Devi
