My thoughts of why I crossdress

[Alice Torn]

I learned that my dad , rest him, did not want sons, after the y had my sister. He had three sons after her, and he kind of resented me. I think this does have a lot to do with my dressing.

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Confucious, That must have been a living hell, being beaten so savagely by your brother. I can relate some, as i was the baby of the family. My sister was first born, and spoiled rotten. My dad did not want boys, but got my older twin brother, then four yrs later me. My brothers beat me up as ababy a lot, and ridiculed my all my life. I wet the bed till almost 20, and was ridiculed terribly by them. I am almost 66 noow, and they still ridicule me at times. I was bullied and picked on in schools and some early jobs, also, I have always been a Highly Sensitive, too. I snuck into my sisters, and mom's things about 13yo. Felt so fun, but so guilty too. Stopped dressing until much later on in life. Never had a steady girlfriend, was scared of girls, but envied them. Being a boy, then man was so depressing and non fun, and i loathed myself as a male, felt very inferior to girls and women. I have worked hard to value myself as a male, even though it still is such a downer, being an old low income, considered a no count loser man. I did date some in my 30s and 40s, but was never very confident and had low income, in spite of always working super hard, going the extra mile. The Alpha males always got the girls and women. I have religious values, too, and dressing has been a big conflict in me, hence the name, Alice TORN. Torn apart as a bit tall man who fantasizes about being the woman with a man, when all dolled up. I have met four admirers over the years,but stopped short of penetration sex, for health reasons and morals. I purged 99% of allmy lady things a few yrs back, but have 8 dresses now. I do not dress up near as often now, but have thousands of pics and a number of videos of Alice, that get me aroused some. I am trying to be more accepting of my maleness, as i get older,. and i have made some progress accepting being a man. I am too tired or lazy to dress much. But when i do, its for several hours, and lots of photos and videos. I stopped going out in public a few years ago. It is a lifetime pull.

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Gretchen, I have heard a lot about how the female brains gave a wider corpus collosum, that joins right and left spheres of their brains. Men have a narrower one. It is one reason women can do multi-tasking better than men. Of course,women have more estrogen too, and men, more T.