I have read so meany posts about feeling guilty to be a cross-dresser over the years.
You have two lives. The boring man side, and the fabulous woman side. Its just how you are, its in your DNA. So enjoy the gift that nature has given you sisters.
I know I do!
Yes, Suzy I’m one of those chronically conflicted cross dressers. I’m really not sure I will ever be able to “love” myself. I often don’t particularly even like myself...regardless of how I am dressed. I’ll keep trying, but old, bad habits die hard.
Last edited by kimdl93; 09-13-2020 at 02:25 PM.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Hmm,
Having read many times to "come to accept who you are" i find its very hard --like brick wall &if you have problems heavan help those near you.....
Suzy always nice to hear from you once in a while, don't be such a stranger. I'm loving my gift.
"you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.
U r correct in MY case, at least, Suzy! Robert is boring and so r his septuagenarian friends!
While Sherry's life is active, exciting, and filled with lovely young people! Even Covid hasn't slowed her down!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
While this is a nice sentiment, it’s not exactly easy to just turn off the negative feelings for some people.
I do have trouble turning off negative comments sometimes. But other times, I'm very comfortable with who I am.
And my response to an attack is more often a frontal counter attack than to bury my head in a foxhole. Heck to the first woman it sweats or too tight jeans who thinks it will be fun to denigrate "the tranny". My response might well be something like, "I really appreciate your concern, but you really ought to save it until you look half as good as me!"
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
I agree Micki. Its not about 'just' turning off your negative feelings. Its doing it no matter what. To accept yourself for what you are and have no negative or guilty feelings about it is so important to being happy.
I'm not advocating you just plonk on that wig, slip into those 6" heels and go walk down the high street. I'm talking about the inner you.
Allisa. You love your gift? You and I are truly sisters loving and living life to the full.
And I do come back here once in a while because thank's to this site and the encouragement I got from the other members I went from 'I must be a weirdo' to 'well look at that, I am just someone with this extra part to my life that's really exiting. [or cool as you Americans say]
Always nice to see your still around Sherry, but I live in an apartment and you get to lounge by your swimming pool! grrrr, some girls have all the luck.
Kim, I aimed my post at girls like you! Give yourself a good hard slap and stop being your own worst enemy. [yes,I know its hard, but slap yourself anyway]
Liz, I know it’s hard, but why? Is it because you have been told for a lifetime that it’s wrong to cross-dress by the world around you? Well maybe it’s the world that has the problem not you.
Last edited by suzy1; 09-14-2020 at 04:19 AM.
Suzy, you might think after all these years, I would finally be able to stop punishing myself. Another wise old friend often said about such self abuse: If you keep doing it, you must like it. Its deeply masochistic to go on this way. I swear, I will try to stop and reset my attitude. Maybe this time it will stick!
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
hello Suzy,
thanks for your post... we can all be amazing, fabulous and sometimes boring.
luv J
Suzy,
It's so good to have turned my back on those guilty feelings and the people know how to use them to hurt so much . I agree the acceptance of discovering many of us are born with this trait is the turning point in realising how good it feels to be living as a female . Do I love myself ( don't mention AGP !) , do I think I'm amazing ? I would best sum it up as I feel good about myself which is something I never did or had the chance to do in male mode .
As a man, I always felt frustrated and unhappy despite having a great family and a successful career.
As a woman I’m at peace with the world and happy.
I’ve gone through the guilt thing, but I haven’t felt that way for a long time.
Self acceptance is difficult to obtain sometimes, but is so freeing when you do.
It took me decades to reach that level, but thankfully I finally believe in myself and love myself for who I am in all my forms.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I must be the odd man out, but I think there are many like me on this forum and elsewhere. My "man side" is not boring at all. It has been rich and fulfilling. Maybe, I have an advantage that may be called "male privilege." Along with this fulfilling male side has come all the negative aspects which occur in life. I suspect the modern woman experiences those also, and, probably to a greater extent because "male privilege" still exists.
I do believe there is something in my dna that allows or compels me to slide back and forth in my life. Since my "woman side" has not be forced to negotiate life and experience "womanhood" with its up and downs and stresses I do not know if there is a "fabulous woman side." Life for a woman is not all pretty dresses and high heels." Do GG's have a "fabulous male side?"
Back to watching the smoke from fires drift across my neighborhood.
I should have said relatively boring.Originally Posted by Stephanie47
This is what I needed....and I swear I am working on it.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Suzy, those are my sentiments too. I love myself with all my faults and ugly warts. Yes, I try to always improve, but truly accept that I am no different than many others in struggling to minimize the faults and warts. However, I do not let them bring me down. If I get down for any reasons, and I have a few very important ones, it never lasts long. I can truly say that I love myself as is and love and enjoy life as me. I was very happy in male mode and even more happy in my newish full time female one. It is totally freeing, and freedom is wonderful.
I love myself, but I don't love what crossdressing and feeling like I'm transgendered has done to my life. Oh, it would have been so much simpler, not having everything so complicated by wanting to dress up as, or even be, a girl, so much of the time. Sure, we all have our own problems, but this one is a doozy!
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Lexi,
You just said what I was thinking, I am so happy when I am dressed, when I am in female form. I am at peace, but the toll on the rest of my world, it's very high...
...Damsel in distress.
Not exactly natural, Stunning none the less...
(As Girls Go by Suzanne Vega)
Heh. Just recently, my wife commented on what an interesting life I've had (male "me"). I'd always thought I had a pretty boring one until she started pointing out all the places I've been, the things I've seen, and what I've done. I guess she has a point. I have been through a lot.
By contrast, the femme side of me hasn't done all that much. I've always been super cautious and uber shy, so I never have really spread my wings that much. And now that I'm in a "never outside the house" situation, I guess I never will.
So - why is it that the little events as Sara stand out so vividly in my memory as opposed to so many of my "guy" ones?
Suzy, I like your title and I think it applies whether one is a crossdresser or not, although that is the context you were referring to. After telling my wife about my crossdressing recently, I went to a counselor, not really for mental health reasons, but for communication advice. The best part of the counselling was the education part. She recommended some books to read and we discussed a number of things. Although, I would have said I was a fairly positive person before, the counselling did help me feel better about myself both as a crossdresser and as the male me. I recommend something like that for everyone.
Affirmation is important. Doubtless that is why we're all here. Our behaviors are hardly celebrated in the world, which contributes to our hiding what we do from others. Honestly, it is not easy to avoid feelings of shame under the circumstances. We do many things to move beyond that shame. We tell ourselves stories about what it means, how it came into existence. There's nothing wrong with that either, but it is a long journey from compulsion to acceptance to celebration. And it is a journey we each take in our own way and own time. The title of this post is the absolute truth, though what is amazing about each of us is much more than the fact we have a desire to wear women's clothes, to present ourselves as women, at least to ourselves. Reading the interests of members in their profiles I see we are engaged in life in many different ways. Our attraction to dressing is simply one among many things that make us who we are. That this one thing comforts us is wonderful. We all need release from the stress of living in a complex world. I think caring enough for ourselves that we will give ourselves that which comforts us is a good thing. We don't need to shame ourselves over it. We are worthy of love.
We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time...
T.S. Eliot Four Quartets
I love myself very much. When I went to counseling 30 some odd years ago I was told one thing that really stuck in my head which is very true especially if your in a relationship or marriage. You cannot love someone else fully unless you learn to love ❤️ yourself. It?s one of the most important things in life if your a crosdresser, trans, or whatever your lifestyle is. You absolutely have to love yourself.
Completely agree. Crossdressing is in my DNA, and I fully accept that, but having a boring male life definitely is not. I work hard at, and have been successful at, keeping mine interesting. (Which is a good thing as I'm in male mode 90+% of the time.)
It's good to see a positive post like this for a change. Thanks for the optimism Suzy1!
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
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