Maria,
I look back and see it as wearing a male straightjacket , at times we are retsricted to what is expected of us and not who we truly are . I admit I never expected to be divorced after 45 years of marriage but wanting to be me just wouldn't go away . I had the selfish label thrown in my face but I began to realise I wasn't the selfish one , I was making most of the sacrifices to please everyone else but was very unhappy in doing so .
Being full time for three years has worked out much better than I expected , I've been allowed to be truly who I am but in the process lost very little , my family are still there for me as I am for them . My wife is happier partly because she can be herself without worrying about my gender situation .
I agree you should talk to your therpist again because at some point you have to be honest with yourself so you can be honest with others , often talking to a professional will open that door for you . Finding a balance in your life has to happen even if it means admitting you're TG , it's not so bad perhaps consider the alternative then you may see it more clearly .
If it helps consider my avatar picture which was taken in the art room when attending my painting group , there were twenty other people in the room when my friend kindly took the picture . I never believed all this could happen so the picture proves it .
