Sandi,
That is the next hurdle , stop feeling you need to explain yourself , I would never tell anyone now , " I don't usually dress this way " . I will add that going to my builder's merchant did need a little more courage but after I was called madam a couple of times that problem faded away , I always felt sorry for women who tried to shop in builder's merchants , they were often ignored and treated like idiots .
Teresa,
I did not feel a need to explain myself, but I figured it would be better than having them think I was nervous because I was shoplifting or doing some other nefarious activity. I am quite a bit further along now, and have gone dressed into home improvement stores or wherever I want. Keep in mind I do not really dress to blend either. I just wear what I like on me. We all have various means to get beyond the fear factor. I am just saying that has worked for me, and there is hope for people gripped by those fears. If you know how shy I really am, it is surprising I have come so far. It can be quite liberating to get beyond the fear factor.
Sandi
I think Angela and Sandi have the right idea Jen: if you can keep a lid on the fear, you don't really have to be all that convincing. The first time I left the house was only in 2019, without even a wig. But I noticed that the better I felt about how I looked, in terms of clothing, makeup and wig, the easier it got. But at six feet without heels and a bit tarty, I have little chance of blending, let alone passing. But like everybody here says, you can move around in public dressed as a woman without much difficulty if you choose your locations. Personally, I find it quite easy to get a really early (and hence empty) Srassehbahn (tram) into the centre of town, where the boulevards are wider, most of the people are tourists rather than locals and it's easy to vary ones route to suit the conditions. When if it starts to get too busy for comfort, you can go home.
Sandi,
I didn't mean DIY stores I meant trade stores where the tradesmen buy their materials .
You look awesome and very appropriately dressed! I remember the fear the first time I went out but just grab the door handle and go for it. The next time will be easier and easier! Don't forget all the accessories that eny other woman would take with her.... and a fem face mask! If I can do it anyone can..... This is me out on a business trip in the rain... have to have a feminine umbrella!
There's two ways to do it.
I'll give you an analogy. I'm originally from Boston, where the water is typically cold, especially if the beach is not in the Gulf Stream. If you want to go into the water, there's two ways to do it.
1. Go to the edge of the water, and get your feet wet. Then walk in slowly until the water is up to your knees, and then up to your waist. The, dive in for a swim.
2. Stand about 50 feet from the water's edge. Take a running start and keep running full speed until tou're up to your waist and then dive in for a swim.
Both ways work, but I'm a type 2 kind of girl.
However, when I swam in Lake Yellowstone which is fed by snow melt and at at elevation of approximately 7,000 feet above sea level, I opted for method 1. At each stage, I waited until I couldn't feel my feet any longer.
You've been out before just step out and go.
I get my urges and just get dressed and go, I went out today ended up getting busy in the store panty sale!!!!. I'm sure they noticed the giant lady but nobody said a word. I'm really starting to notice that no one cares and goes about their business.I use to get dressed then scare myself out of going out not so much these days.
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yes dress for the time of day and where you my be heading, over dressed draws attention, blend in and nov=body notices
Originally Posted by Diane426
When I first started dressing my makeup skills were very rudimentary so I would never venture out, perhaps only in my car for a short drive at night. After a few makeover I got better, but still never went out in public. On day I traveled about 100 miles from home for a makeover. The guy did an awesome job and I looked great. I stopped in a drugstore on the way home, but only for a few brief seconds. When I got home I was in the bathroom about to take the makeup off. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself; "i've driven over 200 mile today, I look great, so why am I not going out" I went back into my car and headed for the supermarket; not the one in my neighborhood. I wasn't that brave yet lol. When I arrived my stomach was churning. I got out and walked in. No problem whatsoever. A lot of smiles from women, and several from men. Since then, about 10 years ago, I have gone out continuously. I still take precautions but going out is a part of my life now. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. It takes time. No need to rush.
"Too dressy"? Where are you going? I would lose the heels unless you're going to a high end shopping mall. Most women would wear flats. And of course, you need a purse.
Krisi
I totally relate. But girl you are gorgeous!! Show the world who you are! It?s selfish keeping that beauty locked away!
I cannot wrap my head around the compulsion to go out in public. I am challenged to shop and have an indoor only wardrobe. My costume store wigs are only good enough for private photo sessions and I could never discretely store even the most basic of wardrobes. No complaints, that is my lot in life as far as my dressing goes. True, we make our own opportunities but the making part has bigger hurdles for some of us.
I have underdressed with ear studs, rings and some subtle makeup and got some femme items, makeup and panties. I?m in line next to a guy who looks like an NFL lineman and the clerk starts telling me how pretty my rings are. That was flattering in a way but also scary as this is a small town and the dollar store is within walking distance. A neighbor catches wind of something like that and it?s all over town.
My dream is to get a presentable wig and wardrobe, make friends who can serve as wing girls and get a room somewhere out of the area. The realities knock me back to earth. There are no support groups where I live and I avoid driving into the cities where that sort of thing exists. There is an urge to try it but I am a long ways and much expense from being able to do that.
Try tricking yourself into doing it.
First, tell yourself you’re just going to step out of the door, and then run back in.
But when you get out, tell yourself, that maybe you’ll just walk over to the car before you run back in.
After you get to the car, tell yourself that you’ll just get in and sit for a while before you run back in.
Now after you’re sitting in the car, tell yourself hat it wouldn’t hurt to drive around the block once before you run back in.
When you get to the end of the block, “accidentally” turn the wrong way, and go for a longer drive that takes you past the mall.
Once you get to the mall, tell yourself that it wouldn’t hurt to drive around the parking lot a bit.
Then “accidentally” pull into a parking space, telling yourself it wouldn’t hurt to just sit there a while.
But then notice a stray tissue and a trash can right near the front of your favorite store.
When you get to the trashcan, tell yourself that since you’re at the front door of the store you might just take a peek inside, and then run back to your car.
Once you’re in the store, tell yourself that as long as you’re there anyway, you might take a peek at the dresses.
Once you get to the dresses, you’ve made it. Buy yourself something pretty.
And buy yourself a nice lunch at that cafe you’ve been meaning to try.
Jen. You look amazing! I wish I cold look that good! So you ask any tips on how to get over the fear and just get out? Hmmm, outside of all the great comments and advice in this thread, I would say, I don 't have anything. For me it was the scariest thing I have ever done. One day I just got to the point, "I have to do this". I did, and it got easier over time. Now I go out in daylight, shopping or dining with only the tiny slightest of worry. In fact today, my wife and I stopped off for a drink at a pub, and our waiter came over and said, "what can I get you ladies". I didn't hear it but when I started yapping, he became EXTREMELY apologetic. My wife said, "don't worry, he gets that all the time". When he left I asked my wife what that was all about. She told me he mistaken me for female. Although I was tickled pink, I was dumbfounded. I wasn't anywhere trying to present female. I was in my sloppy guy form in a t-shirt and cargo pants with my converse and leather jacket with my baseball hat backwards. Was he going on my long hair and earrings? Lol......maybe because it's how I trim my eye brows. I don't know. Anyways, if I would have used my crappy attempt at a softer voice, he would probably never had a second thought. Go at your own pace. When you are ready, you will leave your comfort zone without "too" much second guessing and fear.
So I like dressing like girl. BIG DEAL!
Hi Jen,
You look good! Entirely appropriate for going to an upscale mall or eating out at nice restaurant.
Marion
Hello all, today i went out alone for shopping in an hypermarket dressed as a woman. first time alone, my past experiences dressed as a woman were with my girlfriend on special occasions. i read a lot of your advices and considered to be dressed as not to be remnarked, but still in the way i like. Well going through the shop was just perfect, nobody noticed me, even i noticed a man that looked at me, but like a man looking a woman. my fear was to go to the cashier, well again it went perfect, the lady asked me : 'madam do you need the stamps' , and i was really happy coming back home, it made my week ned. worse think is to get rid of the fake nails...takes you 1 hour
@OliviaB:
This is very, very cool! 👍.
You should be shouting about this experience from the rooftops instead of trying to sneak it in incog! :lurk:. It didn't work anyway because I see you! 🧐 :wave2: . . .
. . . and now everyone else will!.
This would have been worthy of its own thread - even if it weren't your first post ( welcome to the community, btw!!), because it wouldn't take much searching to find out that going out is one of the aspects that gets the most support requests here.
So seeing another success report like yours is always appreciated because it helps others! 📈.
Congratulations! 🍾 🥳.
- L.
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( I was hoping I had left enough time between them so that it wouldn't concatenate. Oh, well!)
@Star01:
For some, it's not a head thing. For me, it was more of a soul thing.
I dressed indoors and was happy to do so until the end of time, . . . until it started to hurt that nobody could see how I felt internally ( that was actually far down the line of an escalation ):
- First, I became unhappy about my male body shape, and that led to me starting to use hip padding.
- Then I became extremely unhappy about my face, and that began a long, desperate and almost self-destructive makeup journey.
- Then I became unhappy that nobody could see how I felt about myself.
That feeling kept growing until I couldn't hold it back any longer. "Progression", they call it.
On the day I stepped outside for the first time, I was fully prepared to become the laughing stock of the neighbourhood
.
- L.
Last edited by Lydianne; 04-05-2021 at 04:12 AM.
Then don't wear a skirt (and heels)? :D
I suppose it depends on where you live, and where & when you go. But personally? I *rarely* see a GG in a skirt & heels. But black leggings abound, to be sure -- or at least until shorts-weather arrives.
Maybe the skirt is making you feel way more self-conscious than perhaps you should?
Look around whenever you're out & about (as a guy). Make a mental note of what the GG's are wearing, particularly in your age group. Also make note of the time of day, the day of week, the location, the season & weather, etc. This will give you a better feel of what perhaps *you* might feel more comfortable wearing when planning your next outing.
This would help you to "blend"... Which means there will be less eyes on you... Which means you'll be that much less jittery.
Because if a GG were to wear what you're wearing? Yes, she would get a lot of attention. And as such, so would you.
Anyway, as others previously alluded to...
Take a word from Nike: "Just Do It"
Only way you're gonna be able to get over that hump.
BTW, you look great!
Ellbee and others are right - you will feel a bit less conspicuous if you’re dressed similarly to other women...age and situation appropriate as they say. At the same time, its entirely ok to wear a skirt and cute top like the one you’re pictured in. Just choose a venue where its suitable, even if you’re dressed a bit more smartly than some other women. I’m thinking a that outfit would look great for a nice restaurant, a wine bar, nice coffee shop, museum, live theatre or even a better quality women’s clothing store.
Last edited by kimdl93; 04-05-2021 at 12:43 PM.
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
Hi Jen.I know it's been a few days since you've posted this and you've gotten a lot of replies since then, but I'll still put in my 2 cents. LOL
Anyway, I honestly don't see what's ailing you here..... You look like a cute girl to me and way more passable than me as well. I see you've gone out dressed twice so far before you posted this pic? Well, if you could do it twice before, what's stopping you from doing it now? I go out dressed quite often, any time I get the chance and I know I'm not the most passable CD'er out there and some people have probably figured that I'm a dude in a dress or a skirt..... But I don't care what other people think, I am very comfortable going out en femme. Like you said, it's such a rush and soooo much fun! LOL So just put on your big girl panties and go for it!
My YouTube channel: Kimberly A.
You're looking good, Jen. Go do it, if that's what you want the most. I've done it a few times myself, although I'm really "in the closet."
Again thank you everyone for the kind word! Planning on dressing down a bit and going to a bigger town tomorrow. Just have to remember what u all say that people are usually consumed with there own day to day life not me!
And they do not care. It is all in your head. If you want to do it......
Congrats, Jen on your trip tomorrow. Hopefully it will go well and be relatively boring because nobody cares or notices. Maybe just some dirty old men who think you're just another hot chick
I have gone out many times over the years. I don't dress often but when I do the first step out requires a deep breathe and a here goes The first step is hard and the next few minutes are a confidence builder because I am not being noticed or at least not being stared at. I do dress down, slacks, flats, minimal makeup but good beard cover. One thing for sure it is always fun and a great buzz. After a bit of time it kind of becomes normal and no one real notices. NOw that doesn't say they aren't snickering behind my back but I don't know that and I had a great time.
So get out there and show the gurl off.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
Have fun, Jen! You will soon forget your fears.
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
You look great and totally passable! Go out and enjoy the RUSH! I do!
Michellecd9999
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