I just don't know

[erin8042]

So like many of us, I love fem clothing. Nothing better that a cute bra, or short skirt, or that perfect pair of heels. Just so every time i look in a mirror i feel like a freak. If I could magically click my heels and turn into a real girl I would in a second. I guess I am to concerned what other people think of me. If I could remotely pass I would i love it, but sadly I can't. I never post here, after 10+ years, just thought I should rant for some reason.

[nancy58]

YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. Check to see if there is a transgender group near you and see what you can do to meet with others *like* *us*. I've spent too much of my life worrying about what others think about me, and it was very freeing to learn that my opinion was what matters. More freeing was learning to accept myself. (Therapy helps.) Remember also that cisgender women also struggle with the fact that they don't look like the idealized images society bombards us with. You are just fine.

[Cynthia_0101]

We all progress at our own pace. Take your time and for the most part, just have fun being you.

And no you are not a freak.

Cynthia

[jazmine]

I understand completely! Although some may say I look "ok" dressed to the nines, I still feel like a freak. In fact I had a dream of my late father last night being disappointed in me. I loved my dad deeply and thought the world of him. In this dream I decided to show up to a family member's wedding as Jasmine in a favorite dress of mine. He was so deeply and thoroughly disappointed and embarrassed by me , he never wanted to see me or talk to me again. When I woke up I thought, "what a waste of time that was." I was disappointed in myself for using the image of a loved one to convey my own unsureness of society's view about me. Like my dad use to say, life is tough. It isn't fair most of the time. This probably didn't help, but I just wanted yo say, ....I understand.

[Confucius]

When I was a teenager I thought I looked like a girl even without trying. However as I've aged I've become much more masculine - and large. Now there is no way I could remotely pass. I admire those who can do that, but I will never will. It really doesn't bother me. I still love the clothes. I love the sensations they bring. I can be happy with my masculine side too.

I don't dress in public, and only my wife knows I dress. Fortunately she understands that I dress because it makes me happy, and not because I'm trying to pass as a female.

[Karren H]

So stop looking in the mirror!! It's not how you look... it's how you feel.... I stopped feeling like a freak in the 10th grade when i found an article in Look magazine about the Transvestites in NYC... I realized that I was not alone! So if there were others out there, how could I be a freak? Maybe a little kinkyish..... but not a freak!

[MonicaPVD]

It's all about your attitude. I have a typical male triangular shape with broad shoulders and no hips to speak of. Large hands and extra large feet. I spent years being mortified about these remarkably male traits. Then I decided to archive those insecurities. It didn't take long to understand that it's all about attitude. When you are confident and secure, you transmit positive energy that makes you seem a lot more attractive than you could ever imagine. I have experienced this time and time again over the past four or five years. There's no silver bullet but you have to learn to love yourself and go from there.

[Stephanie47]

I'm six foot and 200 lbs. No way I am going to pass in daylight. I do go for evening drives and strolls when the opportunity presents itself. My comfort zone is in-home. I also make a point of not gazing into a mirror. I do have a full length mirror which seems to do fine as long as I do not get too close.

[MonicaPVD]

To paraphrase the spoon boy in the Matrix movie, Do not try to pass, that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth...there is no need to pass. Then you'll see that it is not how you think others see you, it is only how you see yourself."

[Sometimes Steffi]

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs. It it much easier to look like the typical woman today than it was 40 or 50 years ago. Then the typical woman was less than 5'4" and less than 130 lbs. many, if not most GGs today would not make that "idealistic standard of the '60's.

I've gone to the Keystone Conference ten times and there's nothing better than hanging out with 700 freaks like us.

[Kiwi Primrose]

Relax and do what you can to make you feel good. There are wonderful under garments, plenty of things to buy in the women's department of shops and op stores. You can do a lot without coming out fully.
Skirts chosen wisely will cause little or no comments,; be careful not to over-emphasise your breasts; and please tuck properly.
This is my method, adopted over many years and I know it works.

[Teresa]

Erin,
It still doesn't work for me without makeup and wig , even now , I hardly look at myself in the mirror in nale mode .

[char GG]

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs

This is really an unfair statement. I grew up in the 50's and many women where I lived, only dressed up or put on makeup to go downtown, not to stay home. There were all sizes and shapes of women back then, same as now. Not everyone was a CDer's idea of a the cute, slim, ideal woman. Not all men looked like James Bond either. However, no matter what size men or women were, they had to go out and live their lives. If anyone thinks they have to "look" a certain way in order to go out, some people would never leave the house.

My point is, if you feel that you want to dress and go out, just do it. There are all sizes and shapes of all people. As long as you go with a smile and confidence, the clothes become secondary to how the real world should see you.

[GretchenM]

Thank you, Char. You almost took the words out of my mouth, but they were your words and coming from a GG need to be taken with a great deal of consideration that it just might be the way it really is.

Erin, perhaps you are using an idealized image of what a woman should look like and that is leading you down a path to a dark and disappointing place. Your sense of seeing a "freak" in the mirror may be due to your not quite having reached a point of full acceptance of who you are in terms of gender. I avoided mirrors like crazy years ago when I got into female-like mode. I stayed in the world where my self image was based on a fantasy. It was all driven by being ashamed of being different and being capable to feel and experience things in a more female-like way.

But once I came to accept this aspect of myself and moved beyond the shame I began to see him transformed into a her that looked a bit masculine, but still showed a lot of womanliness. What happened is that I went out and observed women by the hundreds, even maybe thousands. I paid attention to not only the ones that exuded femininity, but the other women who did not. I was amazed by how many women have somewhat male-like aspects to their appearance. Maybe a facial shape or form, or large hands with fat fingers (my mother being a fine example), big feet, a figure that was more like a deformed hourglass. And all of those seemed to be perfectly happy.

Most of us are like you. It just takes a little more effort to soften those masculine features, but most of us could never pass for a woman in a closer examination. I suggest you try to change your perspective of yourself - you are a male, but that does not mean you cannot be presentably female. Being passable is really a bit of a fantasy; but being presentable as female-like is entirely possible and if you look around at women, all women, you will find a lot that are not really passable if by passable is meant something spectacularly beautiful. There really are not very many of those. Most are rather plain, but inside they are as female as the greatest supermodel, maybe more so.

Karren is right. It is what you feel inside that is important; not what you show outside. Try accepting those feelings as being the genuine you, rather than some idealized image of what you "should" look like to be passable.

[Di]

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs. It it much easier to look like the typical woman today than it was 40 or 50 years ago. Then the typical woman was less than 5'4" and less than 130 lbs. many, if not most GGs today would not make that "idealistic standard of the '60's.

How offensive!
According to the CDC men and women have both changed since the 60s women up 18.5 % and men 19.5 % and yet you attack women.
I astounds me sometimes the things CDs say on this forum.
For CDs who say they want support understanding they sure are critical of women. We see posts all the time here how much nicer the cd says they looks than the wife. You would think reading here that CDs hate women.
I am appalled.....


To the o p ....the most important thing in this post
You are not a freek, it is more common than you think you are not alone .
Think of it as a gift. Maybe befriend some here, get tips to help you look how you want . Just be you there is nothing wrong. Accept yourself and try to stop the negative thoughts towards yourself . Best wishes .

[Ineke Vashon]

I'm with Karren. It's how I feel not how I look.

Ineke

[Nic J]

Erin, it's most important that you are happy being you. You are not a freak.

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs. It it much easier to look like the typical woman today than it was 40 or 50 years ago. Then the typical woman was less than 5'4" and less than 130 lbs. many, if not most GGs today would not make that "idealistic standard of the '60's.

:Angry3: This is unbelievably insulting. Perhaps you think they need "expert" advice from you....

[Lydianne]

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs.

We can't be thinking like this.

We regularly praise the non-judgement of the newer generations and sometimes lament not having been born alongside them, but this kind of thinking does the opposite.

And the rest of us do the same in-house with our spectrum inequality ( check the gallery ).

Not all men looked like James Bond either.

Some of the most non-Jameses have some of the most unfair expectations.


Supporting those guys by thinking the same is self-defeating because they are the main ones holding back progress for acceptance of what we do here,.. and we fall even further short of those expectations ( unless, of course, one happens to be one of those fortunate CDers who steps out of bed in the morning already meeting those standards ).


- L.

[Michelle1955]

Copied:
I just don't know
So like many of us, I love fem clothing. Nothing better that a cute bra, or short skirt, or that perfect pair of heels. Just so every time i look in a mirror i feel like a freak. If I could magically click my heels and turn into a real girl I would in a second. I guess I am to concerned what other people think of me. If I could remotely pass I would i love it, but sadly I can't. I never post here, after 10+ years, just thought I should rant for some reason.

My 2 cents:
I looked at some of your previous posts, I do not see posts asking about what I consider more important issues. I do see your age, but no mention of what age you 1st put on your 1st article pdf female clothing? I see a lot of post concerning buying cloths.

My 2 cents:
Based upon your post your are not a crossdresser, since you indicate you would like to be a female totally.
You are more than a crossdresser.

Please do not stay away from the forum for another 10 years, search and read posts. Do you have a SO? SO knowledge of your issues?

The magically pill, etc does not exist. But learn to manage your desires / needs. What is in your brain that matters.
Their very / very few that can pass as female.

With that said my brain says I am female and in my opinion always had. It took me a long time to manage my issues inside me. Outside we can only do what best for us and SO / family. At 65 years old, their are still changes going on with both in my brain and my body.

I started back before I can remember, but I know I dressed before I wore my 1st pair of panties at age of 4 or 5 +/-.
The 1st pair of panties is my moment that put the icing on the cake. One of my friends she and I wore the same age and we switched male / female underwear. The light bulb lit up. Puberty was bad for me, I hated my body, all I could think about was why my body was not female.

I wear undergarments and cloths every day to manage my brian to amount of female articles vary based upon what my Brian needs to be satisfied. Do I fully dress daily: NO, but do dress daily and shave regularly.

[Teri Ray]

I am confident that nobody on this site would consider you a freak. We all share similar feelings here, that is why we share our thoughts and feelings on this site. No question that your (and most of us here) have had similar feelings. Sharing your feelings and thoughts here is a good thing. I am betting you will find over time that knowing that you are not alone with these feelings by visiting this site will prove beneficial. We all have to find our best method to deal with the desire to be enfemme. You will likely find what is best for you. Best wishes.

[Maid_Marion]

It is quite understandable that you want to pass.

But, from the perspective of those around you, they would like to be treated with respect.
Which means dressing appropriately and treating people around you kindly.

A short skirt may be inappropriate at the mall, but you may blend in at a water park or the beach.

Most service jobs dealing with customers are hard. But the day goes faster when customers look nice and there are no issues in helping them get what they want.

Marion

[JennyMay]

Erin, I want to thank you for your post. You put into words things that I have been feeling recently. And thank you everyone for your responses to Erin?s post.

I guess for me it?s a journey of exploration. I just retired and moved to a new location where there is a group for transgender people nearby. I?m looking forward to the time when they can meet together again so I can continue the journey of exploration with them. I?ve been to one zoom meeting and hope to get to another one soon but I really want to just be with people who will recognise this one truth - it?s OK to be me.

I?ll never pass either and I?ll never be the attractive young woman I wish I could be. But I can be me, and you can be you, and that?s all we can be.

[Aunt Kelly]

You do not have to "pass". Passing, as in "actually being mistaken for a cis woman", is a myth. What other people will think of you matters only if you let it, and the plain fact is that most don't care. They'll just treat you as the person you present. A few will go out of their way to express support, and yes, a very few will be disrespectful. I live for those encounters.

[suzanne]

We are not freaks. But we are different from the bulk of the population. So people do notice us and some are taken aback, especially if they've never seen a MIAD before. It's something we have to accept, for now. In time, as more men feel empowered to be out in public while dressed, the public will get used to seeing us as unique but not threatening. It must be a bit jarring to see a man, over 6ft tall and 300 lbs, in a skirt and 4 inch heels, for the first time. I'm talking about me specifically now. And I am quite out of the ordinary. How do I not die inside from that? First, I'm at the age where life is too short to worry what others think. Second, I KNOW, beyond a shred of a doubt, that my best look is feminine. So, I'm able to let the chips fall where they may. I believe that, in so doing, I'm helping to make it easier for the next guy to get out there dressed in the way that makes him happy. My style mentor tells me that I have had that effect on people, but I haven't seen it directly.

[Dutchess]

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs. It it much easier to look like the typical woman today than it was 40 or 50 years ago. Then the typical woman was less than 5'4" and less than 130 lbs.

This statement is bizarre .. the misogyny in here can be incredible at times ..
I am 5'6.5" and weigh 118 . Believe me the bar is not lowered, you simply can' see it ..
Thanks Char and Di for having the GG's backs.
Its no wonder some here complain about lack of sex . The ways of thinking I just do not understand at times .


OP - Aunt Kelleys , Lydianne , Karren , Gretchens advice is great . Really all of it . Confidence is such a door opener ( literally) . Owning it stops alot of issues from even starting . YOU do YOU .