I just don't know

[Teresa]

To consider Steffi's comments we need to look at some background to the way people present themselves in public these days .

At one time most men would wear a shirt and tie and hopefully clean their shoes to take their wife /partner out for the evening , women would respond to that and dress up with nicely applied makeup and hair done , OK to some it may sound old fashioned but going out was special for many people . The process was gradual but where a smart resturant wouldn't allow jeans , Tshirt and trainers the quick food outlets did , so dress code became more informal , at one time informal didn't mean scruffy , nowdays it doesn't appear to matter . The husband may get home from work and suggest they eat out but doesn't bother to change out of work clothes possibly not even having a shower after work . It's very easy to say , " OK if he can't be bothered to smarten himself up what's the point of me bothering !" Eventually no one can be bothered , I'm sorry Steffi it's not women have become lazy with their appearance the blame mostly lies with the menfolk . I'm always intrigued to see a group of women go out for the evening , they actually dress up more than they do for their husbands , I rest my case !

As for lowering the standard for CDers , that's crap because most are in the closet anyway !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Erin , Stop and look around, GG's come in all shapes & sizes, >Orchid**!!**

[DianeT]

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs.

Steffi, some crossdressers do not do what they could do to look their brightest either. The misogyny of your post is appalling. Fortunately GGs don't care about your opinion when choosing their clothes.

[Sometimes Steffi]

This statement is bizarre .. the misogyny in here can be incredible at times ..
I am 5'6.5" and weigh 118 . Believe me the bar is not lowered, you simply can' see it ..
Thanks Char for having the GG's backs.
It's no wonder some here complain about lack of sex . The ways of thinking I just do not understand at times .

Several GGs were clearly offended about what I stated about obesity, so rather than just accept my assertion, look at the facts.

I was even called a misogynist.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of misogyny is:

Definition of misogyny: hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women.

Since I was stating a fact, not an opinion, I do not feel that it qualifies as misogyny.

In the last 20 years the percentage of obese people in the United States has increased from approximately 20% of the population in 1997 to about 30% of the population in 2018.

Feel free to discuss this among yourselves, but this is my last response on this subject.

[Lydianne]

This statement is bizarre .. the misogyny in here can be incredible at times ..

Several GGs were clearly offended about what I stated about obesity, so rather than just accept my assertion, look at the facts.

I was even called a misogynist.

[ SNIP ]

I do not feel that it qualifies as misogyny.

Hmm . . . "Nation's Capital" .

Just out of interest, on which side of the debate were you about the "Washington Football Team's" former name?

- L.

[Sometimes Steffi]

There was a debate? About the Washington Football Team's former name?

Even though I've lived in the Virginia suburbs for more than half my life, I still root for the home teams from where I grew up. I'll give you a big tip: Patriots, Red Sox, Bruins and Celtics. I used to go to Red Sox and Bruins Games quite regularly.

<Mods: Here is where it may get to political. Feel free to delete it. I apologize in advance>

As to the Washington Football Team's former name, I don't have a horse in that race.

<If I haven't veered too much into politics already, anything else I say will be deleted by the mods.

[Lydianne]

@ Sometimes Steffi:


Many thanks for the response.

There was a debate? About the Washington Football Team's former name?

I'll give you a big tip: Patriots, Red Sox, Bruins and Celtics. I used to go to Red Sox and Bruins Games quite regularly.

I appreciate the generous tip, thank you! .

. . .

Now let me give you a tip 😉:

Feel free to discuss this among yourselves, but this is my last response on this subject.

As to the Washington Football Team's former name, I don't have a horse in that race. If the question is meant to be a litmus test of my political views, it won't work on me.

You stated that you weren't going to comment any further about misogyny; therefore, I changed the subject matter. That's all it was .

- - - - - - - -

You not having a stake in the team name is perfect! I had assumed that you didn't, otherwise this would not have worked:


I was actually checking to see whether you understand the mechanics of the more subtle form of hate-speak when you are not in the group receiving it.


- The Native Americans repeatedly made it known that the former name of the team was offensive to them.

- In response, not only did the owner of the team initially try to resist changing the name, but by insisting that he doesn't view the name as offensive, in his opinion, but rather as an 'honour' to them, he was also trying to manipulate and dictate to the Native Americans how they should be feeling about it...



A bit like you're doing now.



The natal females in our community are incredibly reserved. There is so much they could intervene into, but they hold back patiently.

. . And then you wrote this...

And two natal females ( some of us actually counted three ) told you it was offensive. They weren't asking you whether it was offensive; they were telling you.



If you couldn't see what it was that they took offense to, then maybe alarm bells should have rang when it lit a fire under them collectively after they had been so reserved for so long. That can't be a coincidence.

And then the definitions and statistics to try and dictate to them how they should be feeling instead.



One additional thing:


For someone that places as much value into statistics as you do, I am astonished about your non-appreciation of fair-testing:

Many GGs do not do what they could do to look their best. Due to obesity, poor choice in clothing that matches their body type and wearing little or no makeup, they have lowered the bar for everyone, including CDs.

As for passing. I've seen many GGs who don't pass as women as well as I do.

2nd Quote link: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...=1#post4454748

By definition, a M2F transformation is a makeover.


Heh, if we had a comparable number of natal females in this community experimenting with different makeovers, makeup, wigs, clothing, shapewear, all the things we have at our disposal, and to the extent that we do, and then posting their results in the gallery, do you seriously believe we could keep up with them?.. Are you kidding me?.. We'd get s-c-h-o-o-l-e-d! :facepalm:.


Dutchess said it. We can't see the bar. Because this is a supportive community, we're shielded here.


You're trying to compare your makeover look to those natal females' fetching-the-groceries look.

It's not a level-terms comparison.

- L.


p.s.

To the OP: Apologies for the thread hijack, but I think most of us can appreciate the importance because, considering the understanding that the trans umbrella is hoping for from the general public, we need to be showing the same empathy to others. Many members here readily acknowledge ( and are proud thereof ) that most of the acceptance they get in public comes from women.

[Teresa]

Lydianne,
I really do agree with you last paragraph , I my current thread " Another great day " says it all .

How many also acknowledge that their shopping experience is hightened by the kind , accepting words of female SAs or other female customers .

The one point that I acknowledge from Steffi's comments is obesity is on the rise across many countries but it's not gender specific , the biggest worry is obesity in children .

[Di]

Mod note

If anyone wants to answer Sometimes Steffi please take it to p m
And the post go back to the OP and helping her.

Yes I was appalled at Steffi comments as well and commented but many are addressing Steffis comments only taking the thread off course .
I think Steffi sees how offended many are at her comments.
Address the OP helping her only from here on out or they will deleted .
Let’s get this back on track.

[char GG]

Quote from Erin:
I guess I am to concerned what other people think of me. If I could remotely pass I would i love it, but sadly I can't.

Erin,

As others here will tell you, what matters most is how you feel about yourself and not be concerned about what other people think.

[Krisi]

So when you look in the mirror, have you shaved? Covered any beard shadow with makeup? Are you wearing a wig? Earrings? How about breast forms and hip and butt padding?

Most of us aren't going to ever pass as real women, especially if others get a good long look at us, but we can try. And some of us will pass to those just passing us on the street or in the mall.

Some of the younger folks coming along don't seem to understand this, but in life, we have to accept certain things and do the best we can under the circumstances. Take photos and videos and study them to see what you can do to make yourself look and act more feminine. Learn to do makeup and learn what hair and clothing looks the best on you.

And then enjoy yourself.

[Cheryl T]

Just be confident in who you are and don't try to be someone else's image.

[kimdl93]

Everyone is entitled to a rant every now and then.

I feel the same doubts, fears, insecurities and pessimisms expressed in the OP, even after successful (my definition) outings in the world beyond my home.

Its ok to set expectations at your personal comfort level. If you can’t feel comfortable, choose a level where you feel least at risk.

[DianeT]

Erin, if you want to vent, vent all you want. If you want advices to get better at this game, we will try to help you, and by "we" I mean GGs too on this forum.
As for passing, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I don't think many, if any, of us would "pass", even remotely. It's one thing for some to get the perfect lighting and angle in a certain picture and give the illusion, another to be able to move, act, speak (or even dress!) like a genetic woman and not be clocked by anyone intently looking at you. I probably would want to blend, not pass, if I wanted to go out. I don't know if you do yourself. So I can only speak from my indoor CD experience.
I would never pass. And I don't care! I have tons of fun. I dress twice a year. Yesterday was one (and now I'm closed for a long Summer hibernation). I dressed in my two favorite dresses and shoes and tried my brand new $25 hip forms. Too big! The famous syndrome of curvy hips with skinny legs -> the lower part of the dress hangs like from a coat hanger So they're currently squashed under a pile of books for a little size adjustment. I did my usual complex makeup routine with 18 steps, looked okay from a distance and ugly up close, got horrified by a few close shots, went back to the bathroom, removed all the makeup and started all over again, this time using much less coats and products, and going very light on the foundation for a more "me" look, taking the 50 min routine down to 20 min. Also no attempt this time at covering the lower eyebrows for reshaping. I lost a pound in the process and got a natural look that is ten times better (no "clown" effect on close shots). I took a few pictures in a mirror with natural light and got a couple I really like and could show to my wife if she wanted to, without feeling ridiculous. I took a few pics with the wig off then on to watch the miracle of this stern look transforming into a soft one by the magic of lush hair (the difference is really astonishing). I watched my body in the mirror as I walked, moved and even danced in these sleek outfits I can never wear in male mode. I didn't think I would pass for a second, but thought I looked fantastic nonetheless and thoroughly enjoyed my time. I ended this with my usual lounging session, reading a book with the delicate sensation of these beloved clothes hugging me and making me feeling special. As my wife and I are splitting the flat when I do this (she isn't involved in my dressing per mutual agreement) and she is under stress during these long hours, I texted her a kiss. This was the first time I did that. I was happy and had to tell her I loved her, to share this moment with her.
Like others said, just be you. Pamper yourself, take care of yourself. This is your moment, during which you should forget about all the troubles of the world.
My advice: get help from GGs here. Take pictures of yourself from the neck down (if you don't want to show your face) and ask them for advice. They will be happy to help you. They are the ones who know how to dress as a woman, whether to go shopping, walking the dog under the rain or nightclubbing. Passing or not passing, with the right clothes and advices, there's no way you can't obtain a look that will please you.

[jacques]

hello Erin,
I don't look in the mirror - but when I am dressed and look down I see a man at peace with his true nature.
We are not freaks and we are doing nothing wrong!
stay healthy,
luv J

[Lori Ann Westlake]

My body is OK. It's my face and voice that I wish I could make more feminine. And my hair, of course. As for my face, as Anthony Euwer wrote in a set of limericks about parts of the body that he titled "Limeratomy":

As a beauty, I'm not a great star.
There are others more handsome by far.

But my face, I don't mind it,
Because I'm behind it:

'Tis the folks in the front that I jar!

[docrobbysherry]

Erin, after my first year of CDing my mirror image bothered me so much I almost quit!

I could replicate a female figure ok, but it was topped by a homely, old, male face!

However, after 10 years of working on my looks on my own in my vacuum of a closet, I came up with Sherry and joined this site. A look I've become quite happy with!

If u REALLY want to look attractive bad enuff? There r a 1000 things u can do and tricks u can learn!

After all, I'm 77!

[CynthiaD]

[QUOTE=erin8042;4514277] ... Just so every time i look in a mirror i feel like a freak. ...[/]

Yeah, I know the feeling. But then I put on a wig, some makeup and a cute dress and I think "Ahhh! Back to normal!"

[Sometimes Steffi]

I hope the mods will let this post remain.

I understand that I seriously offended many of you with my original post. That was not my intent.

I'd like to sincerely apologize to all of those that I offended. I hope some of you forgive me.

[sometimes_miss]

I solved most of my problem, by covering the only two mirrors in my house. Made it even a bit better, by printing out a portrait of a pretty woman that I would like to look like, and taping THAT to my mirror.
So I only see what I can, from my eyes. I see long, pretty hair, a nice dress, body contoured with breasts, flat tummy, nice legs, heels, girly watch, bracelet on the other hand, polished nails complete the look.
I can't tell from what I see, that I am not female.
Greatly relieves the GID.
As I couldn't pass during a solar eclipse at midnight on a full moon in the bottom of a coal mine, I just don't go out dressed in girl clothes. So I just use my imagination, and in my mind, I become the woman I thought I would be when I grew up.

[LilSissyStevie]

Jimi sez, "Let your freak flag fly!"

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Erin,

Stop! You are not a freak! IMHO passing is all about confidence. With confidence comes acceptance. Baby steps will help build confidence.

The mirror plays tricks on me. When I look in the mirror I always see a pretty girl looking back. When I take a picture....let's just say I can crack a few lenses. The reality of my picture doesn't stop me from going out in a hybrid mode. When I'm out in this mode, I feel good about myself which gives me the confidence to own it.

Have fun on your journey!!,