For Those That Dress With Accepting Wife Around

[Lacyfem]

I am closeted with wife not knowing but I wonder, for those that have accepting wives do you become fem or more fem when you dress in general as I definitely do.... but when you dress around the house with the wife there are you very fem and more like a gurl or do you have the same demeanor as you have without having fem clothing on. Though my wife doesn't know and know she wouldn't approve, I do know that I change totally once I dress and it doesn't seem to be put on as it's just what dressing does to me when I become the gurl I love being. Just wondering again if those wives like their man being so different when they change from what and who they are when in male clothing. Lacy

[Micki_Finn]

No I do not.

[Just Dana]

My physical mannerisms are probably slightly more feminine. Otherwise, I'm still me. But, I go from (looking like a) not very macho guy to someone who'd probably be described as a tomboy.

Dana

[bridget thronton]

I think I act the same regardless of my attire

[Teresa]

LacyFem,
I can't answer your question as such because I live alone and fulltime as Teresa , some days I don't femme it up too much because I have my home to run and tend the garden . My mother now accepts me and finally my sister , I was very careful how I presented myself , I serioulsy had to think how would a GG have dressed and presented herself in the same circumstances and it worked . I personally feel it's better to avoid doing a man in a dress but at the same time don't make people feel uncomfortable by wearing something inappropriate .

[Cheryl T]

Oh I am definitely more feminine and it doesn't have to do with her being around.
It's simply that I let go of all that male BS. I relax and just be me.
It's not in my style of dress, it's in me. It's how I carry myself, how I talk and mostly how I feel.

[Stephanie47]

I see two things in play. One is mannerism that may arise because I am emulating a woman. I am in DADT with my wife so she is not going to see me wearing heels and a dress. I only wear dresses. That attire does mean I have adopted some female mannerisms. I may walk slower because a three inch heels demands it. I may smooth my dress as I sit down. I may wisp away a long strand of hair from my wig. I may have to adjust a bra strap. Those are external mannerisms. As to demeanor that more the question of the "chicken or the egg." As far as I can think back I believe how I perceive others in the real world have always been the same; accepting everyone until they prove themselves unworthy of my friendship. I've never bought into some societal norms of men because those perceptions or norms are just plain wrong. No dragging my knuckles on the ground with me. Maybe some GG's will chime in to let us know what "becoming a gurl" may be? Or what "more feminine" may be. Presumably, it seems to be the opposite of more masculine?

[LoriB]

As I have been retired for a couple years now I do dress most days during the week for 4 to 5 hours while the kids, who do not know, are at work. My wife definitely feels I am more relaxed and likes what she says is a softer side of me. What she does not understand is my fondness for skirts/dresses, hose and heels as she no longer owns even one. It's slacks and flats only for her.

[kimdl93]

When I dressed fully around my wife, I did not change mannerisms, so far as I was aware.

[AndieB]

I'm in the camp of changing my mannerisms for sure. Typically I have more femme hand and arm movements when speaking, and I also speak softer as well, trying to let higher pitches roam free. I feel like when I'm dressed up and engage with my wife in this way, I actually listen better and sometimes we even have more fun. Honestly it's the most relaxing and natural way for me to be, as I'll never pass as some sort of manly man anyway. Nor would I want to!

[franlee]

I think I used to try to act the part more than I do now. But my wife excepted the fact that I enjoy dressing in my fem clothes and roleplay. But in a normal situation when I'm dressed now I am at ease and don't become more fem or sexual, I do it now mostly for de-stressing and comfort. And have accepted me, so we just interact in a casual and normal manner. However, there are special times that call for acting and immersing into a more fem role.

[Samm]

I can pretty much cut and paste Dana's reply, but I will add....
I don't intentionally 'change'. I don't dress to become someone else. I'm still the same person.
I do, however, try to keep a lid on acting too fem around my wife. Although she loves me for me, no matter how I'm presenting, I don't want to push the manurisms too far. After all, she married the male me...

[Lori Ann Westlake]

Lacy, I found this a hard question to answer because there are two opposing forces at work.

On the one hand, I do tend to act and feel "more feminine" when dressed, and this is a very real phenomenon for some. Researchers have noted and even measured it. That doesn't mean it applies to everybody who crossdresses, so some tend to pooh-pooh the idea from their point of view. But for others of us it's real, and I know it's true in certain ways for me.

On the other hand, with my wife, I have a "normal" way of relating to her as her husband (as anyone would), and perhaps it's hard to change that when I'm "Lori" as opposed to "Larry." It's as if she acts as a "moderating force" on what otherwise might be my tendency to become and act "more feminine" when dressed. In many ways I feel much like the "usual me" with her when dressed, and not prone to "act out" or exaggerate feminine mannerisms,

I do appreciate what Stephanie said about "feminine mannerisms" that are imposed on us by feminine clothing: brushing a skirt under us as we sit down, walking differently in higher heels, flicking away a wisp of long hair, adjusting a bra strap and so on. These can be cues prompting us to act in a "more feminine" manner." As far as these physical things go, I certainly do them when dressed, whether or not I'm with my wife. But as for the rest, it's hard to say.

Would I be different as Lori with someone else? I can't be sure. With another accepting woman, perhaps, just a friend, someone I didn't already have an established relationship with, an established way of relating "to," I might be "more feminine." With my mother, who passed long ago and never knew about my dressing, maybe? With a man, who knows? That could go either way. I might be tempted to "act feminine" and enjoy being treated that way by a man--but only if I felt safe. I might on the other hand feel the need to reassert masculinity as a shield against either masculine ridicule or possible sexual advances. But with my wife, I guess I'm "just me," the person she's always known.

[Pumped]

I fem it up a bit. Try put a bit more swing in the hips, cross my legs like a lady instead of a truck driver, try to be a bit more dainty. Much of it is because i am more careful of my clothing. In male mode I am probably wearing grubby jeans that I wore in the shop so I might wipe sticky fingers off on my clothing, where as a woman, I need a napkin!

[Cass42]

Wife loves it with me as Cassie fulltime

[JenniferWhenCD]

I think I do dress to be someone else. I am now dressed all weekend, and we go out together, typically to nearby towns. I want to fit in, and move and speak to do just that. Most of the neighbors have seen me dressed, and I have conversations with a couple of them while dressed. In all these cases I change my mannerisms to try and fit in with how I look and feel.

[SaraLin]

I do, however, try to keep a lid on acting too fem around my wife. Although she loves me for me, no matter how I'm presenting, I don't want to push the manurisms too far. After all, she married the male me...

This it it for me. We arranged what is and is not OK with her before we got married. One of her "sticky points" in the beginning was that she complained that I was "acting too swishy" when I was in my nighties, and she didn't like it at all. I didn't even realize I was doing anything different, so I was surprised.

So - that put me in an odd situation. It was OK to wear some feminine stuff, but I couldn't act feminine at all. Weird, huh?
She hasn't complained in years, so either she got used to me or I learned to stop whatever it was that was upsetting her. I'm guessing it's the first.

[Maria 60]

That's an interesting question, because my wife tells me I'm much more calm when dressed. She has even asked me to get dressed at times because she would rather have curtain conversations knowing I'm more calm and focused dressed.
I don't realize it but my wife tells me I'm act more feminine when dressed.

[jacques]

hello Lacy,
I dress at home and my lovely wife accepts that. I do not try to be female - I am me wearing women's clothing. Having said that - there may be different versions of me anyway - the grandparent, the handy-man, the grumpy one who wishes to be left alone sometimes, the friendly one who likes meeting friends ... there may be a softer, gentler, relaxed version of me when i cross dress.
I have never asked her, but I think my wife does not see me as a female when I cross dress.
stay healthy,
luv J

[GretchenM]

Lacy, this is a really interesting subject among the professionals that study us to try and figure out why we do certain things. My wife knows a lot about Gretchen and the basics of who she is, but has never "met" her in her native plumage. She sees the feminine behavior and sees the shifting back and forth between more feminine and more masculine. I feel that I am a bit like you and a lot of my behavior and thinking changes but I am not certain which is the horse and which is the cart. In general, the shift in behavior seems to precede the dressing, but that is not always the case. I tend to be different when alone than when I am with others.

Psychologists and psychiatrists are very interested in this aspect of our behavior because it reveals the various ways that we are thinking about our identity and how it works in our lives. In general, they have found several different categories of behavior patterns. Those who have a more "rigidly" defined identity tend to show much less change than those who are more "fluid" in their identity, but circumstances can cause one person who is usually one way exhibit a very different behavior in strongly different circumstances. Sometimes a tendency to mimic the people they are with rather than exhibit the behavior they would have if alone. Clearly it is very complex but one thing is true - it is a window into the deeper portions of our individual sense of self. It says a lot but what exactly is it saying? Really hard to determine that clearly.

[April Rose]

Over the years of our marriage, my wife was all over the block on the issue of my cross dressing. In our retirement she was fine with me dressing most days as long as I didn't push the issue into stereotype. It might be too much makeup or high heels or to padded a bosom; she had strong feminist instincts and anything that tended toward patriarchal fantasies of what a woman should be or how she should behave would draw her ire.

On the other hand, she told me she came to appreciate that I had such a strong feminine side; she felt that I took better care of her because of it.

In the long run, I think I benefited from her stance. It forced me to watch closely how real women were moving through the real world, and to try and imitate that, and not a stereotype. Being a bit ladylike, but not affected, was okay. To this day I still try to carry myself in a way that she would have approved of.

[Nic J]

It's possibly less polarised in my case, as i am NB rather than fully MTF TG.
So it's not a case of: at work i'm Nic, at home i'm Krea. I'm me all the time, it's just the clothes that change (immediately!) when i get home.

This is only my perception. Maybe my wife does notice a difference in me these days. I will ask for her thoughts on the subject....

[Jenn A116]

Interesting question. I believe that I'm mostly the same dressed or not. There are a few accomdiations that must be made to compensate for a different shape body (boobs, hips, hair) but I think I'm still the same person.

[BTWimRobin]

We have some parameters in place. First off, I'm my wife's husband and will always be her husband regardless of what I'm wearing. I never fully dress around my wife and when I do dress it's usually just jeans, leggings or lounge pants and nothing too femme. The the two major rules are no prancing about the house and no flaunting. Basically, respect the fact she is th lady of the house and don't throw my feminine side in her face.

[JocelynJames]

I don?t find I change except for practicing should I ever go out. For example, if eating I try to take smaller bites instead of eating like I?m in prison and on have so much time and people might try to steal food. When sitting, I almost always cross my legs anywhere from the ankles up to the knees. When I walk , especially with heels, I take smaller, more calculated steps so as to maintain control vs. my man stride. But I talk the same and yeah, mostly act the same. It keeps it real as the softer mannerisms escape me and I?m not sure I can turn those things off if they become ?regulars?