I'm torn.
I love my wife dearly, and positively dread the idea of facing life without her.
But
She is the biggest obstacle to my pursuing the life I wish I could have.
Yes, there are times when I imagine what I might do if I were free to dress and act the way I feel - whenever I feel like it, and as long as I feel like it.
No, I don't want to throw away the really good life I've made for myself to go out and chase rainbows - no matter how much they call to me.
Practicality trumps "what if" for me every time.
But still I yearn.
<sometimes reality sucks>
