JessicaJane, you seem to come across as upset that this woman questioned you as to your gender. Would you have preferred her to refer to you as "Mr. Smith", even though you were presenting as feminine?
The fact that the woman was interested enough to ask about your name change indicates that she was curious, not spiteful.
I have been living as a woman full time since April of 2020, and have not legally changed my name since the local court calendar is still under Covid rules. Meaning that they are only dealing with necessary cases. I have frequently been asked about both name/gender changes and surgeries. The questions are asked out of curiosity.
However, many in the TG community are so sensitive and defensive about questions, or being mis-gendered, that we tend to perceive everything as an attack or an affront. At my work recently, a co-worker responded to a question I asked with a firm "Yes sir!" Before I could say a word, he was tripping over himself apologizing. I looked down at my size 'C' chest, looked at him and said, with a laugh, "What? Do they need to be bigger?"
Red faced, he replied with a sheepish grin, "Yeah, that might help." I could have responded with anger, but I feel that would have damaged a work relationship, and perhaps given me a reputation as one of 'those people', if you get my meaning. My humour let him know that I knew it was a mistake and that I wasn't upset.
We, as transgender women, have to act as ambassadors to the muggle world. IMO. Because for many people, you might be the only transgendered person they have met, gaining all their previous knowledge from second and third hand sources that are full of mis-, or dis-information about us.
