Marcie, I'm truly sorry for your loss. There are things you didn't say in your short post, and I could only guess at, but I imagine you've been with your beloved wife a long time. It must be a devastating loss, and I regret to say your life can never be the same afterwards. You're alone now, and even if you were to take another partner at some future time--I feel apologetic for even daring to mention the idea, which may well be the last thing on your mind right now--life could never be the same as it was with your soul mate. Your life is forever changed, and deprived of her. You may have been everything to one another. That kind of loss takes a lot of adjusting to.

You ask whether you're going through a mental adjustment. or just in mourning for your wife. Actually there is no difference. Mourning, or grieving, IS a period of mental adjustment to a new and tragically altered life. It's different for everyone who goes through it. Any variation, no matter how unexpected or "irrational," is "normal," so to speak.

Since you didn't say everything in your short post, I was bound to guess some things, and I guessed wrong. You mentioned that your late wife's clothes fit you, so I guessed you must have worn them before, most likely with her consent and approval. Nothing more thrilling could be imagined, to wear the clothes of the woman you loved so much, to look and feel as she did--in your imagination anyway--to feel so excitingly close to her. And if you were deprived by death of such idyllic pleasures, that loss would be all the more catastrophic.

It seems my guess was wrong, and I'm grateful to Stephanie and also to Di for correcting my false impression. It seems that your wife, despite being your soul mate in every other way, was not so approving of you crossdressing after all.

Where does that leave you? In a dilemma, no doubt. For one thing, I can't say how the grieving process is affecting you with regard to crossdressing, For some, crossdressing might be a natural comfort to resort to while dealing with the pain of loss. For yourself, possibly it might be the last thing on your mind while learning to cope mentally with other adjustments. Any of this, as I said, is "normal." But about your wife's clothes, while you surely must have had a wish a wear them in the past, whether you did or not, you may have very mixed feelings now. You might for instance be feeling your wife's clothes are just "too sacrosanct" to wear now that she's gone. Or, if you wife disapproved of your crossdressing, especially in her own clothes, you might be feeling guilty about flouting her wishes now that she's gone. As though it were an insult to her memory. As though anything you did now, or refrained from doing, could possibly hurt her, or bring her back--which sadly if never can. How can anyone know what you might be feeling at this painful time of loss?

The only solid piece of advice I would urge on you is to do nothing! Nothing that can't be undone, at least. Not with your wife's clothes. Don't even think about disposing of them, if that thought has crossed your mind at all--though I don't know if it has. Your post brought up a memory of someone I know who was bereaved a few years ago. She joined a grief support group, and mentioned a guy in the group who had lost his wife and got someone to come and sort out her clothes and dispose of them Just like that! The very thought made me want to tear my hair out! All those precious mementoes of his wife, gone! Of course, I'm sure the guy wasn't a crossdresser, But don't do anything you might bitterly regret later. If you don't feel like dressing right now, let alone in your wife's clothes, leave them where they are. Or put them away in boxes, if you must. Whatever. Just sit with the feelings of grief and loss while they work themselves out. Which can take a year or more just for the initial adjustment. Cry when you need to, it's OK.

Although your life can never be the same without your wife. you will be left with the memory of her. And with her clothes. And you will be back to your normal self--closer to it, anyway, with the same need to dress in women's clothes that will never leave you, even though your wife has left you. In time you may well come to feel that you can bring her memory back to you by wearing her clothes. That she's left you a lovely legacy of lingerie as a kind of "apology, a consolation prize for leaving you alone. If she wouldn't let you wear them in her lifetime, now you're free to wear her skirts, blouses, dresses, capri pants, whatever takes your fancy, and feel intimate with her in a way you may always have wanted to do. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing you do can offend her now. In your imagination you can live the life you may well have fantasized, where she was not only your soul mate, but also allowed, even encouraged you to share and wear all of her clothes, and continue to feel close to her even while she's gone to another place.

And if you find that doesn't appeal to you, even after time, well, you can do as you wish. But for now, don't worry. Just work through the feelings of loss--or "let them" work themselves out. Give it time, Good luck to you!