An outburst from a new member.

[VtVicky]

As a psychotherapist since the mid 70's, let me offer a couple of thoughts to consider.

I'm not sure what problem you went to your therapist with, but it doesn't sound like you are getting it addressed satisfactorily. It doesn't sound like your crossdressing is your problem. It sounds like your situation with your wife is the problem. Dressing in your therapist's office doesn't seem to be addressing anything effectively. I doubt it is very satisfactory for you, and doesn't address the real problem at all.

In your writings, so far, (and, that is all we have to go on.), it seems that your dressing is "Ego Syntonic". In other words, you are OK with it. (The opposite is Ego Dystonic. That means that you are doing something that you do not like, and possibly would like to stop doing.)

I am loath to make too many suggestion to someone who is not my patient. But, in my experience, many couples choose an arena in which to fight because the real problem is seen as potentially fatal to the relationship. This is seen by a competent therapist as a good thing. First, it means the "arena" they are fighting in is not seen as a killer situation. And, the choice to pick an "arena", rather than chance destroying the relationship, often means that they are both invested in maintaining the relationship.

In your situation, it sounds like fighting over your crossdressing is preferable to addressing something else that scares both of you even more.

The first psychiatrist I ever worked for taught me the psychotherapy "rule of threes". He always asked a new patient to list three things that the pt. wanted addressed. He said that they almost always listed something safe to talk about as number one. The real problem was usually number three. (I won't bore you with the techniques to engage, but you get the idea.)

I found his counsel to be very effective over my entire career.

Good luck.