-- Post amended after original publication --
To members advising for taking the divorce route without delay: Have you ever gone through a crisis with your wife? Did you ever say things that were a little excessive when you were upset? Did your wife too? Do you really think Laura should start making plans for a divorce while the sparks are still flying?
The reveal happened just one week ago and this couple is still in the midst of this big bang explosion. Laura should take a deep breath and wait for the dust to settle a bit before taking life-changing decisions. Maybe the marriage is doomed. Maybe not. But one thing is sure: you don't make these choices in the heat of fury and resentment.
And like Jennifer said, it's more the lying than the dressing. You can go to any therapist and they will tell you the dressing is ok. But I doubt they'll tell you that lying for 21 years (I did for 36) to your spouse is. The dressing won't go away, so if your wife stays with you she'll need to live with it to some extent (she can't picture this right now, she is still in shock, anger and denial at this point). But what can go away, and you have no excuse to not stop it, is the lying. It has to go if you want any chance to mend your couple.
As for the "she's not the wife I married", did your wife lie to you like you did to her? Otherwise this means she just evolved, like everyone else as they make their way through life. If you love your wife you will accompany her throughout these changes and keep loving her.
