Hi Elizabeth,
I told my wife 20 years into our marriage and children. It suddenly became a need after years of dormancy. It took a while but my wife knows it makes me happy and said so, so she is supportive in that way. I do not have to hide my clothes I also do not dress up where she can see me because I know she would rather not see me dressed. I asked, she says she just doesn't want to see me that way. We both agree on who can know and it has worked out well. We are best friends for life, no secrets and know what makes each other Happy! I feel very fortunate. I am guessing you can find your common ground that makes you both happy.
