So is everyone here out of the closet, or am I an anomaly?

[BrendaPDX]

Hi all,
I know I am not much of a poster here, but...
Yes, yes I am still a still quasi in the closet, and I expect to get an earful. But I am curious. Are there any closet cases like me here? Or I an anomaly?
Thanks, Brenda

[GretchenM]

I suspect most here are like you - quasi closeted. But a lot are out of the closet completely while still others are still deep in the closet. The variation is probably caused by a combination of choices based on fear, shame, or simply their personal circumstances. I am in the personal circumstances crowd. But some who have more favorable circumstances and have moved beyond the fear factor go out completely. We are all different.

[Lacey New]

Except for my friends here I am totally still in the closet. I have never admitted my cross dressing to anyone that I know. Now, I obviously admitted my cross dressing to a sales associate when I tried on and purchased a dress at Dress Barn but I used a pseudonym and paid in cash. And I am sure that other sales associates have guessed when I told them I was looking for a size 42 bra with an A cup or size 7 panties. But beyond that, yes, I am very much in the closet. Early in my marriage, I tried to tes my wife?s attitude about crossdressing by pitting on a pair of her panties and while wearing a bathrobe, I would flash her and flirting ly say ? Is this what I have to do to get into your pants?? She shrieked ?Take those off?. I never pushed the issue after that.

[MarinaTwelve200]

YOU are not alone. Lotsa people here, like me, are still "in the closet". Many of us do not find a "need" to "show off" who /what we are. Or we do not want to face the "hassle", potential for abuse, embarrassment, or social life disruptions "exposure" could cause. It is "worth it" to stay "closeted". Crossdressers come in several varieties. Many don't care who knows, others "get off" by revealing themselves publicly, or "being able to get away with it" and fooling people. We are NOT ALL like that. Us closeted types are perfectly happy by ourselves and free to do whatever we want in private. Indeed it also opens up other variants, like "fantasy" and "retro" we couldn't get away with publicly. I personally like to see and photograph different looks and experiment with disguise and makeups. I have quite a bit of fun. This site is all I need to express what, if any "public" aspects I wish to express---and not feel "isolated".

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Brenda,

I guess you could say I'm quasi closeted. I'm out to my wife and kids as well as a few friends.i would be out completely and likely be on a transition path but my wife wouldn't be onboard at this time. Since I love her and truly value our relationship the closet door remains ajar, not thrown wide open.

Elizabeth

[RoxieGrl]

I would say that I have one foot in the closet, and one foot out. I do wear female underwear in public when I am not fully en femme, but once in a while I may want to go out dressed up. I am in need of a haircut, and am contemplating ditching the wig and getting a female hairstyle.

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Brenda, I was out to my late mother. No w back in the closet due to wifes non acceptance. I agree with Marina and Gretchen depends upon one?s circumstances. I would like to do more but limited due to family constraints.

[NancyJ]

Closeted? Yes. Except my wife knows, of course. I respect her boundaries, but she is quite accustomed to seeing me in panties, panty girdles, and feminine pajamas. And I do housework chores wearing a very femme apron :-). Nancy

[Charly52]

I?ve definitely got both feet in the closet! I haven?t told anyone about my cross dressing I?ve brought the subject up a few times with my partner but it gets shut down immediately so the closet door will stay firmly shut.

[Kelli_cd]

I am in the closet. My wife knows but is not accepting.
I do underdress every day, though. Panties every day and bras as often as I can. Occasionally I add pantyhose. All outwear is male.

[Krisi]

What is your definition of "in the closet"?

My wife knows, but nobody else. I sometimes go out in public, but I don't leave the house or return dressed. People where I go see me (hopefully, they see a woman, not a crossdresser), but they don't know me.

[Jenn A116]

Well, there is "out of the closet" and then there is "OUT OF THE CLOSET". Myself, I'm out to my wife, a GG friend, a couple of sales agents at Sephora, and the members of the group I go to.

[Crissy 107]

I think the term, Out of the closet, means different things to different people. I am Out of the closet to my wife but nobody else.
Just like no two of us are alike no two would have the same meaning of that particular phrase

[Vale]

Hi Brenda. This site appears to serve a wide variety of people, some much like you. For me, only my wife and my ex have ever seen me dressed, and only at home. On the other hand my ex outed me to all family and friends, and a few of them now treat me differently as a result. . . . vale

[Bea_]

My wife know. My therapist knows. A very few people have seen me going to and from therapy sessions dressed androgynously. But, I definitely would consider myself to be in the closet.

[NancySue]

Ditto, Kristi. My wife knows. I told her before we walked the aisle. Happily, she is very helpful and supportive. No one else knows, so to that degree, I guess I?m still in the closet. Because of living in a small town, I seldom go out totally dressed. However, being retired, I dress every day. If we run out for an errand, I just change my top, maybe remove my forms, or change into my a cup bras, but keep everything else on. I know the risk when driving, but I?m very careful.

[Patience]

Everybody is in the closet to one degree or another unless they are out to everybody 100% of the time.

Although a number of my friends know, the vast majority do not. So while I am not totally in the closet, I'm not totally out, either.

[Claire M]

In my compartmentalized life, I am in the closet to everybody in my male life except my wife and my former therapist. That said, I enjoy stepping out as female as often as I can. My female me has several friends but none know any particulars about my male side.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Mostly closeted.

My wife knows that I cross dress, but prefers that I didn't.

Except for her, I am not "out" to anyone else in my family, including my daughter.

Except for my wife, I am not "out" to anyone who knows the male me, except for some people who met Steffi first, with a few exceptions. Some of my physicians and other medical associates either know or should have already inferred. Some I have told, some have seen me with female artifacts, typically toenail polish, and a rare few have seen Steffi in full-on female mode. All of my therapists know about Steffi, and most of them have actually had Steffi show up for an appointment on more than one occasion. Many SAs have seen both boy me and Steffi, or have at least helped me select and try on clothing. I've been to a number of nail salons, primarily in boy mode, who must know. Some of the nail techs have seen me in full girl mode. I've had makeovers from a number of makeup associates, so they all know.

As I said, my wife knows and tolerates my CDing. But she allows me to go "out and about", typically to vanilla venues, but in the accompaniment of multiple CDs. If you look hard enough, you may find a picture of me and a hundred or so other trans women on the US Capitol steps (in DC). I have many more friends in the trans community than boy me has.

[April Rose]

Awhile back someone on this site described themself as "in the closet with the door open". I think that pretty well describes me.

[Cheryl T]

For me some people know but most don't. I'm out and about but not advertising the fact to anyone.

[kimdl93]

There are people who are in the closet and people who are out of the closet and people who are in and out of the closet, sometimes both at the same time.

[GaleWarning]

There are very few people who know about me.

[Suzie Petersen]

I am deep in the closet, but there are a few people who know the connection between Suzie and my male self.
There are many others who have seen or even met Suzie over the years, but they do not know the connection.

I told my wife about this side of me a few weeks after we started dating 40+ years ago, and at the time I could do nothing wrong in her eyes. In the early years, I would say she was not exactly accepting but rather was tolerating this side of me and she would sometimes buy me things and would make time for me to dress up at home while she was away. With a few exceptions she would not participate and I would not dress around her.
Later on it changed to a deep hate and fear of my girl side, and this has caused me to pull back into the deep dark corners of said closet. There was never a opening for a compromise, so I think it went from DADT to JDDI (Just Don't Do It) with nothing said.

While I never lost the desire to dress and present as a woman, I have managed to not act on those feelings for years at a time. Recently I had to give in and have taken advantage of some opportunities to dress again, and I am somewhere between loving it and hating it to be honest.
As many others here I am a master of covering my tracks, but I also know how easy it is to miss something. At this point I don't know if she has picked up on it, but there has been no indications that she knows.

Years ago I had kind of a social life as Suzie, and a very few people knew/knows the connection to my male life. My wife has even met these ladies several times, including after they transitioned, and we have had some good visits. I think their life altering transitions are a big part of the reason for her fear, which I can totally understand. I do not have that need, but I understand why it is hard to take someones word for that.

Thinking about something Marina said:

MarinaTwelve: "Many of us do not find a "need" to "show off" who /what we are. Or we do not want to face the "hassle", potential for abuse, embarrassment, or social life disruptions "exposure" could cause. It is "worth it" to stay "closeted"."

I kinda feel the same, but at the same time when I am dressed I long for something to do! The old "all dressed up and nowhere to go" comes to mind. In the past, going somewhere has filled that need, but it didn't have to be out among people. A walk in the woods or along the beach was just fine, and at this point I would really like to be able to do that again.
Another activity that used to fill the need of "doing something while dressed" was taking pictures of Suzie. I have had great fun doing that as it was a way to further polish the illusion of being female. Sometimes mirrors can be pretty harsh, but a camera and the choice of lighting, view angles, and making a story, can show the best and hide the worst, which for me at least is a very good thing.

- Suzie

[Monique65]

I am very firmly in the closet and quite content to remain there. My wife tolerates my wearing panties but will not acknowledge any other feminine traits I have.