Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 39

Thread: Gettting Older, Retirement and crosssdressing How do you handle it?

  1. #1
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,092

    Gettting Older, Retirement and crosssdressing How do you handle it?

    I'm 65 years old and I've been cross-dressing my whole life. If I were to give you a rundown of my life, it would probably sound like so many others here: denial, suppression, acceptance, guilt, purging?all of those things. When I turned 50, I entered what I would call the golden era of my cross-dressing. I traveled on business, accumulated a wardrobe, lost weight, and went out and about in towns all over the United States, Canada, the UK, and even Australia. I was out and about as a woman, doing so many cool things: everything from going to concerts and museums to dining out and meeting friends. It was so much fun.

    Now here I am, retired and living in New England with my wife, 65 going on 66. I haven't dressed in a while. I don't have an outlet, and my wife isn't accepting. I'm just wondering how others are handling this period of their life.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Bangor Maine
    Posts
    40,697
    Hello Paula.
    I will voice my thoughts, Of course you situation may vary.

    My wife in the beginning was unaccepting as well. Over a period of time with some discussions.
    She became more tolerant. I did not travel at all for work. So the only dressing time I had was when I was home.
    I would sneak some time in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping. When she became a bit more
    accepting she would go shopping and take the kids. She would intentionally give me time.
    She would always call before she came home so I could change back to guy mode.
    Eventually we divorced and I now live alone. So I can dress whenever I like. (This is not for everyone)

    I would recommend, If your wife knows, That you talk to her and make some sort of arrangement when you can dress.
    Maybe when she goes shopping. or when she is out of the house, That way you will get some time and she will not have to see it.

    Just my thoughts.......
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  3. #3
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,092
    Thanks for the advice, I need to get out and about, I miss those days, dressing up at home just doesn't do it for me. I live in a small town in Maine so I really need to get out to a conference or something

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Michaela Jane's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Goldsboro, North Carolina
    Posts
    601
    It's a difficult time for sure. I was fortunate enough to be able to underdress and to wear androgynous clothes, albeit just jeans & sweatshirts from the womens department. I just lived with it, adding pantyhose & bras on the odd occasion that my wife went out. It wasn't until she passed away 8 years ago, having developed the Big C, that I was able to dress fully. I think I am making up for lost time now, my wardrobe is filling up with my femme clothes and many of my old male clothes have gone to goodwill. I still keep a few bits of male clothing around, for the inevitable final journey, but otherwise, I am dressed every day now, because I can. Still in the closet, so family see me in clothes that resemble who I am supposed to be.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Kris Burton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2021
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    2,067
    Actually I think I'm at my peak right now, but my backstory is different than most. I did not start crossdressing until I was 69 - three years ago. I fortunately missed the vicious guilt/shame cycle. I have never even considered purging - there is no reason to. I came out to my wife of 40 years about 2 weeks into my active period and she is accepting, supportive - even participatory up to a point. All that has allowed my femme persona to flourish and I have enjoyed going out, meeting and making friends, and going to CD/TG events. Lots of things I'm looking forward to as well, including developing my presentation to the best of my ability. I also do not regret missing out on my younger years - I'm having way to much fun now, and I find the whole experience quite "youthening".

    I realize I'm one of the lucky ones, but I use my example to indicate that just because one is older I does not necessarily mean that all l is lost. For me, the best is yet to come!
    www.flickr.com/people/194195593@N05/

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,720
    "How are I handling it?"

    Not well. My wife is not accepting, although she does not make snide remarks about it or search the house for my wardrobe. I retired when I was sixty with my wife still working at least several days a week. I have always felt more comfortable being an in-home cross dresser, so those full days were spent doing domestic chores, a la June Cleaver, 1950's look in dress, heels and hosiery and all the proper undergarments. On occasion my wife visited our daughter who was living in the mid-west. That afforded me up to ten 24/7 hour days. Then my wife retired and our daughter moved home; 35 miles away. Gone is alone time; June Cleaver, Harriet Nelson time. There have been several over night stays for my wife to stay over at our daughter's apartment. I would love to be able to be en femme for a prolonged period of time. For me, it's all or nothing. I am long past grabbing at some "crumbs of time," when she is out for several hours. We sleep apart of health/medical reasons which enable me to sleep in a nightgown with a bra and panty, and perhaps a full slip under the nightgown. She is a late riser in the morning so, like today, I can peck away on the keyboard still wearing my night clothes. It is better than nothing. Don't suggest a plan to chip away at her non-acceptance. "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman!" she has said. She has personal factors that engrain that position into her being that I understand and respect.

  7. #7
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Posts
    10,972
    Retirement was the opposite for me.
    I dress almost daily, we go out frequently and it's become the most natural thing, which is what I've always wanted.
    Covid was the big push and that meant nearly full time for those 2 years.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  8. #8
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Live in Cornwall UK, born in Lancashire
    Posts
    1,861
    Great topic. I retired 3-4 years ago. My wife still works part time. I currently enjoy more freedom to dress than I ever have. We are DADT, my wife knows when I dress, but I do not dress when she is home. What will happen once she retires fully, time will tell.

  9. #9
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    1,251
    Paula, I am also in New England and, at 74, have been retired for 10 years now.

    I am afraid a lot of this depends on your wife. In that 10 years of retirement, I lost my late wife to cancer, lived single for a few years and and have recently remarried. This sequence of experiences wave left me cognizant of just how much our personal relationships shape our personal expression and behavior. Not just cross dressing, but especially cross dressing.

    My first wife knew I was a cross dresser before we married. Her acceptance and support was all over the map over the years. I loved her and respected her limits. She was fine with me going to Tiffany Club meetings and, in later years, dressing around the house, but she drew the line at going out in the general public. Mostly out of concern for my safety. She had permission to, and did, talk over our situation with her close friends.

    After she passed, single again, I realized that untangling my personal issues, mainly gender dysphoria, ADHD, and sleep apnea, all of which have overlapping effects, was the most important issue in my life, overriding my bucket list. I started talking on the phone with friends from this site, got my ears pierced, went out in public dressed in daytime for the first times in many years. I started going to Fantasia fair. I was still , however, leading a double life.

    The most bold thing I did, perhaps, was to bring in a housemate. I didn't advertise, but responded to ads looking for housing frankly and honestly. It took a lot of patience, but I did get responses and eventually a housemate, who I got along well with, from the start. So well that we got married a few months ago. She is a longtime supporter of the LGBT+ community, mother of a lesbian daughter, a licensed cosmetologist, and she likes to play dress up. I love her to pieces.

    At this point I have come to realize that the only limits I have are ones in my own head. She has helped me overcome barriers that I couldn't get past on my own.

    So I guess my advice to you would be; work something out with your wife!
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  10. #10
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    2,916
    It's great to know I'm in my golden era. I'll make sure I do everything I can before I turn sixty. Lol i'm sure you've heard of first event in boston. I don't know what version of it exists these days. Kept changing locations, and then they moved to the city, and I gave up. Driving and parking would be a hassle. That one was a staple for me for quite a while. If you're up for a little travel, there's keystone, guess where in pennsylvania bit of a trek, but if that's what you need to get out, it's there, I think it's february or march, look it up. There is triangles well friends of triangles now because triangles closed that was the bar in Connecticut. I know. It sounds like you're done with the club thing, but it's available. Just not all the time anymore used to be once a month.Now it's a few times a year. Not the same, but it can be a good crowd. I'm looking forward to retirement in a few years, so don't tell me it gets bad. I'd rather be bored and make stuff to do.Than be too busy to have time to do stuff.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Southeast US
    Posts
    3,033
    I am also not far away from retirement and I am facing the same situation.

    At the end of the day, I guess it is completely dependent on the level of acceptance from your wife. If it is near zero like mine, there are few options after retirement , at least for me, and that is kind of depressing really.

    Hopefully you will find some path to compromise.

    Sandi

  12. #12
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Live in Cornwall UK, born in Lancashire
    Posts
    1,861
    @Sandi Beech

    Do you have a plan though? I'm just hoping things will work themselves out.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-09-2024 at 05:39 PM. Reason: Not necessary to quote the post just before yours please.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    24,662
    Well, my wife and I parted ways.
    O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
    To see oursels as ithers see us!

  14. #14
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Area Zona
    Posts
    4,846
    Fully retired since covid. The usual morning private time before work just became the usual early morning private time until about 10:00.
    Strict DADT and she doesn't pry or snoop. Too old for all that drama.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  15. #15
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Location
    X
    Posts
    3,011
    Paula, I fear that I will be in the same situation in a few years. I am not in a DADT but me dolling up 2 to 3 times a week with her home is going to be an issue.

    I think a real serious conversation needs to happen in your life.

  16. #16
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    24,848
    Nine years into retirement! The first few years were horrid from a dressing perspective. After decades of dressing mainly in business trips and locally. But my wife?s heart condition and my prostate issues have forced us to sleep apart. I sleep downstairs and she stays upstairs. Any it has worked great for dressing, at least from 10pm to 7am I can dress all I want and she has not interfered or even ventured downstairs in that time. I am Uber happy that we have found something that works for both of use though she still does not talk about it. Fine.
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  17. #17
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    3,400
    I believe Jane G got it right, you need a plan. I was able to retire last year at age sixty. I was so convinced to do it and when the day came my wife asked me what I was planning on doing with all my time. I really had no answer, I just thought I would do nothing. It so sad that we pray for it all our lives and then when it comes we are caught lifted footed. For yourself you probably couldn't wait to retire and now you miss the business trips and probably didn't calculate how it would effect you dressing time. I'm on board with everyone else that a talk with your wife may be in order. Good Luck and let us know what you decide.

  18. #18
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SW Michigan
    Posts
    3,771
    My life has been quite different. I didn't cross dress at all when I was 50 and married. My wife threatened to divorce me every time we got in a verbal fight and I ended up divorcing her after a short marriage.

    Now I'm 71, semi-retired, single and have quite a bit of time to CD. But I still don't get out as much as you did when you were 50 and traveling. I've been going to CD support meetings for the last 14 years, 50 miles from home. Small town in Maine has to make it hard to get out...
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  19. #19
    Hot Geezer Girl docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    25,836
    Well, Paula, when I was your age I was just beginning to go out dressed. Attended big T events around the country. I still attend one or two every year and smaller local events every month. And, maybe dress in one foreign country every year, too.

    As far as retiring? I'm only 81 so I'm not ready for that yet. No idea what that's like? But, working for myself means I can take off when I want to!

    Not bad for a closet dresser, huh?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member Debs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    North West UK
    Posts
    742
    well Paula, depends on where you think you are in the cycle of life, Im a healthy 66 and enjoying dressing and going out with m wifes concent , she doesn't come with me, but yes I insist I dress , told her what I am from day one before we got married. I reckon I have a good 10 years of amazing dressing and going out with friends to come, I travel the whole of the uk shopping , meeting peeps like us, Helen Highwater on this forum extends her amazing yearly offer to take us out into Manchester usually in November , but this year has been cancelled, but will be in March next year, but my thoughts on this, do you want to really sit back in your chair thinking I should have done this I should have done that ?, I dont I do it !!!!, No regrets !! just amazing memories, so when I do eventually sit back in my chair, I can smile and remember, morbid thoughts, do you think your going to die and come back for a second chance ?, nar grasp life by the hand enjoy your senior years, I AM Rant over love Debs

  21. #21
    Senior Member Christie ann's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    out and about
    Posts
    1,338
    Retirement just means I don’t get paid for the work I currently do. It also means I don’t have nearly the opportunities to dress that I used to have. My wife is not happy with her husband’s feminine side. That said, I have been able to incorporate a few items from the other side of the aisle into my daily wardrobe, but none of them are cute nor even remotely girlish.

    My background is in the natural sciences and so have had a few times where I have been able to take a weeklong class or seminar as Christie. Most everyone has been incredibly accepting and welcoming except for that one guy. This has kept the dysphoria away.

  22. #22
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    182
    Are there places your wife likes to travel?

    Send her.

  23. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    1,620
    Paula, that picture brings back so many good memories of Crossdressing in hotels on my overnight business trips. I also retired a few years ago at 61 and yes it definitely cut into my dressing opportunities but the urge continues I do not know if my wife is accepting or not I just can not find the courage to have the talk so I sneak in every opportunity when she is out of the house. Retirement is great I just need to figure out how to incorporate more dressing. Good luck

  24. #24
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Southern Illinois
    Posts
    3,624
    My past is very much like yours. I?ve followed and admired your posts and pictures. You?re quite attractive with excellent taste in ensembles. The big difference is I?m so fortunate to have an accepting, supportive wife. Before retirement, I often underdressed through the week with more on weekends. Now retired, I?m free to dress as I please, whenever I please and I do. Its wonderful. Is there any way you and your wife can reach some sort of compromise? Hopefully so. I fear denial will let the pink fog in and cause some anxiety. I?m wishing you the best.

  25. #25
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,092
    So so so true

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State