Gettting Older, Retirement and crosssdressing How do you handle it?

[MsEva]

For me retirement has been awesome for my dressing. My wife has been retired for seven years, me for two. She has so many things she on her schedule that i get to dress many times a week. I so love that. She is very supportive and tries to give me time to dress. I try not to take advantage of it and dress when it is convenient. I don't want to be too overbearing but I dress several times a week and love it. Can't say enought how retirement has been so wonderful.

[Krea]

This is a very timely thread for me, as my wife and i both took early retirement in the last few weeks.
Fortunately she is accepting and encouraging so it will not change anything in the balance of home life. We go out as ourselves when we wish.
I hope that you will all find a good balance in your own retirement.

[GretchenM]

I agree with Nancy Sue. You two need to make adjustments for the good of your individual needs in this more recent and revised world. That may require finding a good counselor who can work with the two of you. She can help your wife see that total resistance is not an option and to recognize you have some unusual needs that cannot just be put on the back shelf and forgotten about. But also to help you see her position of not being comfortable with a mate that is a mixture of the male-like and the female-like when it comes to gender. You are each who you are, but there are many compromise positions where you can share a bit by altering your expectations to accept your differences that were there long ago, but were not apparent when together. She probably has some hurt, like my wife was, to discover that her man was also a bit of a girlfriend. We have been retired for many years now as we are each close to 80 and I don't fully dress anymore. But I always include something in my attire that carries an androgynous message. I have learned to be satisfied with that and she has learned to not only accept it but to support it. Not perfect, but we will soon have our 56th anniversary and we are still very much in love with each other. There is no sex anymore, but there is a lot of cuddling and we can talk and share most anything. I'm happy; she's happy; but it is not my perfect or her perfect.

[Helen_Highwater]

I was fortunate to work from home for many years so had a lot of time to dress. I retired a year or so before my wife so again home alone time. When the SO retired I to wondered if all my dressing time was ended but it turned out not to be the case. We have our different interests, my SO going to exercise classes 4 days a week as well as out shopping and off to see her mom and sister.

So while not ideal, full on dressing difficult, I did find myself with several hours most days were I could at least put on a skirt, top, forms etc and spend some time dressed. And of course, I engineered an annual weeks walking holiday that allowed me to be enfemme 24/7. Things have a way of sorting themselves out. You may find yourself having to adjust your mode of dressing, going all in, makeup etc not being possible but you quickly learn to be grateful for those opportunities to be "casually" dressed and make the most of them.

[SavannahVee]

I didn't know how far up in Maine you are, but there is an event in Marlborough Massachusetts in early January.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/diva-so...dssbdestsearch

[JulieC]

I wish I could say I was precisely in the same shoes as you Paula, so perhaps I could offer some more insightful advice. The only thing that I can think of is; you are who you are. Your wife fell in love with a man who is a crossdresser. It's not like she fell in love with all of you except being a crossdresser. It's part of you, whether you're dressed or not. It's part of what makes you tick, part of what makes you...you. So, she's not accepting but really...she's in love with the man who is a crossdresser, like it or not that's the reality. I think being a crossdresser brings positive things to the table that the non-crossdressing male just can't bring. Another way to view this is that it is important for a crossdresser to dress. Repressing it comes with a host of problems. Ok fine, your wife doesn't accept. Does that mean she has to control every second of your life to prevent you from crossdressing? If that's the case (as it is for some of us here, unfortunately) then I have no answers. If she only doesn't want to see it, but is aware of it, then perhaps some detente can happen as noted by others above in this thread.

Since you asked how others are handling this time period; I'm not retired just yet, but my wife and I get a ~6 month sample of being empty nesters recently. We talked before it happened, and I noted that I would likely prefer to be dressed 100% of the time when I could, at least initially. She was fine with that, and we made sure to touch base frequently to make sure things were and that it wasn't too much. As expected, once the time came, I was soooooo ready to be dressed 100% of the time when we were at home and I did. As soon as I got home, I would change. She was good with all of it. It was a watershed time for me; finally, after repression in one form or another my entire life, the feminine me was able to be an equal partner. I've never gotten her back into the pandora's box since we stopped being temporary empty nesters Anyway, after a month or so, the edge on the desire to dress all the time faded some; I achieved a balance somewhere around dressing 60-70% of the time we were home. I expect this will probably be the norm when we do retire.

Like others here, my wife and I sleep apart for health reasons (mainly having to do with my great difficulties in getting healthy, undisturbed sleep). My main outlet for crossdressing now is that I sleep in nightgowns, bra, forms, and pantyhose every night. It is a wonderful feeling, and I look forward to it every day.

[Frannie7]

Hi Paula. I am the same age as you. I have been retired for a number of years. When I want to go out I go to a city about an hour away. I pack my bag when my wife is out (not accepting as well) and put it in the car or garage when she is asleep. Sure I would like to dress more often but I seem to find some limited time when she is out visiting or doing an activity.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Paula , I am 82 and myWife of lmost 61 years we have a very workable DA/DT,

I can dress anytime that I want and Still wear my 4 & 5 " heels,

I so much my Dressing time, I don't go out dressed, >Orchid**OO**

[il.dso]

Very relevant and profound topic.
I'm retired, in my 60s, been a serious crossdressers for decades.
The profound joy and need to crossdress continues to accelerate as the years pass, for reasons I don't totally understand.
I told my wife before we were married, have had years of DADT, occasional discussions and told her I wanted to crossdress everyday while retired.
She wasn't too thrilled with that so we're somewhat DADT again, which I find confusing and stressful.
I hate to keep my crossdressing secret but in some ways it's the best approach.
My wife "accepts" and tells me to do what ever I want and need to do.
But being fully crossdressed when she's home and stressed is not optimal.
So, no easy answers, it's complicated...

[Sometimes Steffi]

I live in a small town in Maine so I really need to get out to a conference or something

I suggest that you check out First Event in Boston beginning January 29. I haven't been there but based on a friend's report, it very similar to Keystone, of which I'm an over 10 year veteran.

[Celine 9]

I just turned 60 this past November and I am getting close to retirement. Also, I will have more chances to crossdress.

[Vintage4sarah]

Hi Paula, both of us are running in parallel paths, but I am ten years ahead of you. My offer for you right now is to find the right moment to work with your wife to find a solution. Our desires to explore the world of femininity are strong and we really can't suppress it. I don't know how far up in Maine you be ( being from NH, I am very familiar with ME) but maybe I can help with getting the chance to adventure out as Paula.

Two other writers made suggestions of opportunities in Massachusetts. They are the Diva Social in Marlborough MA on 1/10 & 1/11 and also First Event in Boston through the last week of January into February 1st and 2nd. I would be glad to describe them in more detail if you think that you might want to venture forth. From your photo, you would definitely fit right in!!! Personally I will be at the Social for the weekend and hopefully, I can do a day trip to FE just to meet with friends for a day. Over the years especially since retiring, I was lucky to gradually convince my wife that adventures away such as these were just what Sarah needed.

[Lacey New]

Hi Paula,
I am a few years older and I have never told my wife. She continued to work for a couple of years after I retired and that provided me with an opportunity ot dress. But when she retired, we made some moves which necessitated a fair.y major purge. As a result, my stash has trimmed down to a small collection of undies. And because I now get very little ?me? time, I simply look forward to and enjoy the few hours that I get from time to time. To be fair though, she keeps me busy so it?s not as if I have a lot of time to think about dressing and the urge is not as compelling as it was years ago. Just part of life I guess

[Monique65]

When my wife and I retired ten years ago, she volunteered at a local non profit one day a week. This gave me ample time to dress and spend the day en femme. When Covid hit, she stopped the volunteer work so I began wearing panties full time, knowing she would find out. When she did, she asked why and I said I liked the way they fit. This opened the door a crack and began the conversation. She suggested that I get some panties of my own, and even helped me pick them out. Slowly, over time, this progressed to sport bras, leggings, and night gowns, all of which I wear regularly. I am content with this arrangement and have no desire to take it any further. My point is, go slow, be honest, and show her that you appreciate her acceptance. Hopefully, your wife will come to accept you as you are, like mine did.