Moments when you wonder?

[JohnH]

I don't remember a time I had doubts about dressing en femme

I am not a woman. I am never going to be a woman. Even if I had all the transition surgeries, hair laserings, and voice training, I will never be a woman. A dear friend asked me if I felt like a woman especially when I crossdress, and I told her "Absolutely not!" Looking in a mirror I am trying to see a woman, and always failing. Maybe if I starved myself down to a size 6 and had a professional service spend hours trying to transform me, I might be able to just slightly begin to look like a woman, but I will never be a woman. Setting the bar of appearing as a woman is too high and I will always be disappointed.

Likewise, I am not a woman, even though I have a feminine appearance due to estrogen over 13 years and have a bust and beyond shoulder length hair. When I stand before a mirror wearing a nightgown after waking up, I see a woman looking back at me. That illusion is shattered when I sing deep notes with my relaxed vocal cords, and a note A1, 3 ledger lines below the bass staff, comes out.

John