When is enough enough?

[DanielleDubois]

My recent 3 day Danielle staycation made me reflect on where my Danielle time fits into my overall life. I realize there is a huge spectrum of needs and desires with members of this forum and I have always considered myself to be very much on the lower end of the heterosexual crossdresser to fully transitioned scale. How does your version of " what is enough" compared to my personal observation described below?

When my wife returned from her girls trip with a friend we had a debriefing about my Danielle staycation. I told my wife the staycation was very good but different. I am not rushed when I have a regular Danielle day when she is at her lapidary club but having no time constraints whatsoever is extra special. I explained I endedup not being in Danielle mode as much as I anticipated but I would see if she agreed.

Told her the first day was the full day where I was Danielle from morning to the next morning. I talked about the painting my toenail issues, gluing on breastforms and how one breastform decide to plop off just before going to bed. I explained watching tv and looking at painted toenails , long fingernails , and cleavage is a strange feeling and equally strange waking up at sitting on the toilet seeing feminine toes on smooth legs , long fingernails, and brushing long hair out of the way.

I continued with saying the next two days Danielle dressup time started early in the morning and finished by around lunch time leaving me lots of time to sort through photos , share emails, and go back to my male side stuff like walking the dog and making some of my favorite things for dinner. I said that was enough of Danielle time for me and didn't feel the need or desire for more Danielle indulgence on those days which was actually a surprise to me after having a lot of anticipation of my staycation. She agreed she thought I would be in Danielle mode a lot more during the three days.

I was able to reiterate although it was all very enjoyable it confirmed I don't have the desire to do it on a more consistent basis and my temporary Danielle escape about every 2 weeks is plenty enough to keep me grounded and satisfied. That got us on to a short discussion of the wide spectrum of heterosexual male crossdressing like myself all the way to transitioning. It was reassuring for her to say she had no doubts about my sexuality and that I had no desire to take things further.

She did ask an interesting question which she has asked before about whether I see a point at which I will stop when I get older. I really didn't have an answer.

My wife didn't seem bothered by any of the details I related including when I told her how gluing breastforms on almost makes them seem real since the weight pulls on your chest and they warm up to body temperature.

The touching part was after I told her everything she stood up and gave me a huge hug and told me how much she loved me . Of course I profusely told her how much it meant she could be so accepting and understanding of my little "hobby".

A friend on this forum also said they were honestly surprised I did not spend more time in Danielle mode. I knew ahead of time it would not be Danielle time 24/7 for 3 days because of puppy responsibilities. But I didn?t expect after Danielle time on Days 2 and 3 mornings that I wouldn't get dressed back up for the evening and maybe bedtime.

I think it was reassuring to my wife that I don't want to do the crossdressing more often and understands I am very content with the current frequency of Danielle days about every 2 weeks. It has taken many years of careful and delicate conversations and I am very grateful we have reached a point where we both are pretty comfortable with the third person who occasionally inserts herself into our lives.

Anyone else comfortably living in a similar situation?

[Kris Burton]

Among many things, achieving balance between one's female and male persona is a key component to navigating a successful relationship with your SO. It's so easy to cross the line if you are not careful and observe closely your SO's reactions to the things you do while en femme. That balance is different for each of us. My situation is much the same as yours, but also includes going out and about. As such, i have proceeded very slowly and cautiously, with complete openness - no sneaking or secrets. It appears you have done the same and it works for you, so kudos are in order. Important to remember it is a different scenario for each of us, altho there may be many similar components.

[alwayshave]

Danielle, I don't dress as often as I'd like, but when I do after 5 or so hours, I am done. Dressing is a need and once the need is fulfilled, I revert back to my mail self.

[audreyinalbany]

I agree...for me its a great experience wiliest lasts, but I seem to get my tank filled by dressing for a day or two then getting on about my guy business

[Sandi Beech]

My situation is different , but I am on a similar area of the cd spectrum. One thing I have noticed over time is that when crossdressing time was limited, I had a tendency to cram as much as I could into that window of opportunity. When that window was wider, I found less desire to CD all of the time I had available. That led me to believe if I had 100 percent of my time available to crossdress, I might only do it a couple of days a week, likely on weekends. It is a lot of fun, but the level of effort for me is too much for full time. When I dress for comfort and utility, it would be in male mode. The balance would likely lean towards male mode.

[CarlaWestin]

Danielle, first of all, thank you for bringing up this issue. To me, there's nothing like the thrill of being fully dressed as my idea of the everyday 60's housewife with heels, pearls, stockings, snug foundations, forms, bum pads, garters, wig, makeup, lipstick, painted nails, snug corset, earrings and perfume. Such a wonderful immersion and female experience fulfillment. It's a personal stay at home girl's trip that I have rare opportunity to enjoy in total DADT. Unlike yourself, I enjoy adventuring out and about but even when a long period of time is available I still appreciate my low maintenance normal daily situation of shirt, shoes, socks and shorts. It's just easier to get things done and things like blowing your nose are less impacting. In proper perspective, the Carla thing is just a wonderful cosplay and photo op.

Good question about doing it as we age. Probably. There's certainly a lot of other things that I'm not letting age get in the way, right?

[Liz Jones]

As said every one's different so here's my take, as the wife ( and daughters ) know i am allowed to wander around the house dressed-- if you can call it that , skirt/dress, heels ( 3 " max ) thing is i indulge in male things while dressed viz- model making , silver smithing , workshop jobs so on .at the moment its low ( pink ) tide time but........ By " pottering "around dressed doing male things i am saying its part of me , not all of me. Age -- hmm well at 83 & still dressing ( know of a 94 year old who was still dressing till his/ her departure ) only problem -- trying to find the words to describe the feeling when dressed, relaxed, or in another world....

[Genifer Teal]

As someone who has strongly considered transitioning, I am currently in a most of the time girl mode. I used to joke that I'm not a working girl. that's pretty much the only time I'm not a girl now.

Branching off into ordinary things was a big step. Finding a minimum standard to manage on a daily basis. Going to the drugstore to pick up medicine with no makeup on. It can be scary at first, but i'm making it work and getting used to it. It's not a full on fancy dress perfect look every time. Laser and naturally long hair help. That's one big issue I don't think about any more. I'm about to change the break pads on my older car. It can all still be done in girl mode.

I don't see it as wanting to put on the girl more. I see it as wanting to undo the girl less. It takes some getting used to and being comfortable with yourself. I've realized not to care what other people think. I only care how they react and so far everything's good.

[April Rose]

"I've realized not to care what other people think. I only care how they react and so far everything's good."

Genifer, that is something I am slowly learning in my own, timid, overcautious way.

[JesseVF]

In 2025 I?ve had 3 weeklong periods with the wife away. So a lot of freedom made even easier by being in a new location so extremely small chance of seeing anyone I might know. I went out basically all day doing numerous activities and expanding them all the time. I was more energized, and felt very relaxed. So except for other male required obligations I was 24/7 fem- except the wig which eventually becomes uncomfortable.
Never reached the point of enough. Obviously enjoyable but hard dealing with back to reality of life balance.

[Raychel]

I have never thought of transition and certainly have no desire.
When is enough enough.
For me I have not found that limit.
I could and would dress every minute of the day if it were allowable and accepted.
But as everyone has seen from my avatars. I totally dress MIAD. and it really is not widely accepted.
Probably because it is not really out there in the public. I doubt that I will be the one to bridge that gap.

So living alone. I dress whenever I am not heading out of the house.

I am sure if there was a SO in the house, she would have limits.
Unlikely a woman would be happy with someone who prefers to dress as much as I do.
That enough is enough would be decided by her.

[Maria 60]

This really is an interesting question because last year my wife went away for a week. Even though I dress in front of her something about having the house to myself and just go crazy got me excited. The first night I got home I couldn't have showered fast enough and fully dressed. I dressed in fem every night for bed but the first few nights it was silky nighties and slips but as the week went on it was more of leggings and fem tank tops. Just like yourself as the week went on there was some outdoor work to do. Even though as the week went on there was a lot of up and down dressing but the excitement of the first night was gone and then I started to see different things. Usally when my family calls on FaceTime my wife would deal with it but then I had to take off my wig and earrings and wash off the make-up. My wife really thought I was going to do a lot more with her gone because I do take more chances when she's not around. She was even surprised I didn't go outside or drive around more.
I guess it was great to have some alone time but it felt like by day three it was business as usual and a even amount of both genders.
It's funny you mention the saying "when is enough, enough " because my wife said it to me last week. During the week I was doing yard work wearing pantyhose and a sports bra, then I would shower and put on a jean skirt and relax and watch tv. Then I went to bed and put on a full slip to bed. This was going on all week and one night she was getting in bed seeing me in a nightie and told me "Holy you just never get enough, when is it enough ". She didn't say it in a aggressive way but its funny when I read you title for your post. At times it's just never enough.

[Cheryl T]

I am probably more on the T side of the scale. Were it a 1 to 10 I'd be a 7.5 or 8.
As to seeing an end. I think it would be if I were no longer physically able to dress. If there was a condition that made it very difficult for me to dress myself and took away the enjoyment I receive from the entire process.