Yesterday my wife told me that the niebours went away for the weekend and if I wanted it would be a perfect night to fully dress and eat outside if I wanted. I was really looking for an excuse to go all out and fully dress. When I walked out of the sliding door my wife gave a "Wow! Look at you" comment and told me I've come a long way. During dinner she asked me what would I do if she loosened the leash alittle, where would I go with it? But most of all when I was younger did I assume I was going to meet an excepting wife and be where I am today? I explained it to her using a line from the movie Fast and Furious "I was living my life a quarter mile at a time". I told her there was never a tomorrow plan and not even a next minute plan. Telling her I would put on pantyhose and a slip and do the dirty deed and once finished rip everything off as fast as lightning and asking myself what made me do this and promise myself over and over never to do this again. Then days later for whatever reason something would spark the feeling and there I was again in the same situation and making that same broken promise over and over. I woke up to my reality two weeks into our marriage when I put on her pantyhose, I sat on the edge of the bed wearing them for three hours and realizing these feelings were real. That was the first time I had to think about what to do next and not make myself a broken promise again that I wasn't going to keep. That morning everything came to reality, first of all and foremost it wasn't fair I was wearing her stuff without her knowing and I knew then for the first time this is real and I didn't want to live a life of a fugitive and that's why I took the biggest risk of my life by telling her. I pointed at myself and told her I never planned this, and never thought I would have all this stuff and it was never my desire of fully dressing as a women. That is why I couldn't answer her question about if she did loosen the leash as she said what I would do. Yes I don't rip everything off like I used to and will dress now without doing the dirty deed and just enjoy being dressed but I still don't think pass that moment I undress. I told her for whatever reason her opinion may change and ask me not to dress in front of her, or I get caught by a family member and things can change fast. I try to take it all in and cherish these moments and I never look past that moment when I undress and put it all away.
I told her she was a big part of it because she bought me my first bra and started handing down clothes to me. Even though at that time my only desire was pantyhose and slips I went along with it and here we are now, but did explain joining this community was the finishing touches.
She gave me this look of satisfaction of my answer and then told me she was happy I told her about it when I did and probably would have preferred it before marriage but did understand my difficult situation and told me not to hold back if I want something and to talk to her.
I'm not going to lie it feels good to have someone to talk about this, but in the same note during dinner I kept looking down at myself and really still in disbelief and this was never my intention. The conversation brought me back to my youth and I thought to myself with all that unsurity of what was going on with me and the guilt and fear of being caught and why couldn't I stop. Im surprised I'm not in some mental ward with all the mixed mind feelings. Wow! I realized it must really mean a lot to us to go through what we do. I believe it was all worth it.
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