My wife is leaving me, but not because of Joanie

[Joanie CD]

In fact, she has assured me that if anything, Joanie has been a very positive influence on our marriage.

Nevertheless, a couple of weeks ago my wife announced she is moving out after 44 years of marriage. I was not 100% surprised, because in the past, while she has not had big complaints about me (plenty of small ones, as in any marriage), she had said she wanted more autonomy. Basically she wanted it to be just her and the dog in a small apartment. As of now, I am facilitating her move because I don't have a big reason to be mad. It won't do me any good. I'm sad, because I pictured us spending our remaining years together (I'm 68 and she's 72), but it is not meant to be.

It's not all bad, because we have agreed and pledged to stay friends. And yes, we are not naive -- we know that is not always possible. We have discussed hanging out with each other and even travelling together in the future. She always said I was her favorite travel partner. In some ways this is just a new phase of our relationship where we are still very close, but no longer married, and thus handle our own finances, etc. She's moving out near the end of June, so if all goes well, we will be divorced around July 4, 2026 -- Independence Day :-)

Although she has been extremely support of Joanie in every way, I did not dress up every day, because I didn't want to bug her about it, and I didn't want her to feel that we couldn't go somewhere because I was dressed, but I have dressed up several times a week most of the time for the last 4 years or so.

With my new, unasked-for freedom, I will be able to dress every day if I want. The big question is: will I want to? I don't really know where I fall on the CD/TS/NB spectrum, even now. Maybe I'll find out. In the past, I never explored the TS idea, because it was too much to ask of my wife. I really don't think I am TS, but I do wish I fit women's clothes better :-)

Also on the CD front, I'll be able to move Joanie's clothes into our master BR, in my wife's closet, so I'll have all my male and female clothes in "my" room. So CD-wise, it's kind of a win, despite being a sad loss on the relationship side.

My wife has said that she is still interested in going out with Joanie for drinks, lunch, or whatever.

It's a new adventure, and I'm curious about where it will take us.

[AmyJordan]

Hi Joanie

It's so sad to hear of relationships ending and with one as long standing as yours It's even more heartbreaking.

Your attitude is refreshing in that you have an optimistic outlook for your future and this should help in keeping a close friendship with your ex to be.

This is a new chapter, and it seems you are ready to embrace it

Best wishes

Amy x

[Traci H]

Joanie, I don?t know whether to be sad for you or happy. Generally I find the loss of such a relationship to be rather sad. I find it a little strange at this point in your life, but so be it. Your wife?s rationale kind of rings a bell with a similar situation in our family. The wife just wanted to be on her own. Unfortunately they have a six year old child. Sad.

Hope all works for you and your CD life thrives and suits your desires.

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds to me like you'll have the best of both worlds, Joanie!

The only thing you may miss is intimacy. However, in my experience folks married as long as u 2 may have left that behind long ago.

[alwayshave]

Joanie, I am so sorry for the end of your marriage. Though, you seem to be taking it well. Good luck on your future journey.

[Stephanie47]

She said "she wanted more autonomy." Did she explain what she meant by that? Perhaps, she sees you as the dominant personality in your marriage? If so, perhaps counseling may have brought out specifics and not a general statement.

[Philippa Jane]

I to am sorry to her of your split.
Such a long time to be together.
Although you are planning to move your clothes into the master bedroom which will feel good at first.
Be prepared for the sense of loss. Even just having another person in the house makes it feel warm and like a home. When someone leaves there is a finality and being on your own is strange.
At first it is freedom but then reality sets in.
Keep busy and stay sociable.
Best wishes on a new chapter in your life.

[Fiona_44]

I wish you the best in this new chapter in your life.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Joanie , What can I say, I wish you Both all the best in your new adventures,

Keep your head up and keep moving Forward,

You may both become better friends now, >Orchid**OO**

[kimdl93]

Relationships are fraught with challenges at any age. Maybe a civil and amicable separation is better than either party enduring something in silence. And having ones own space, having autonomy is not a bad thing for either of you.

Good luck with the next phase

[GaleWarning]

The situation may change and she may wish to move back in with you. I see this as a process, and not the end. Well done on deciding to go with the flow.

[rachellegsep]

Joanie , I can relate. I went through an amicable divorce after 26 years of marriage, with the last 5 years of it being separated. The dressing was not a factor, we just grew apart. We still are friendly terms and have a joint business together.

Good things happen when you least expect it. At the end of last year I went on a blind date at the suggestion of a mutual friend who knows both of us. We both hit it off from the very start and have been seeing each other daily for 6 months. I was up front about Rachel from the 2nd date and showed pics she wanted to see and that was not an issue. In fact I now sleep in nighties and panties. We often visit charity shops and discount stores together picking out possible selections for each other and know each others sizes and likes.

[Michaela Jane]

I was widowed nine years ago, and that was when my dressing took off kinda full time. I have arranged my wardrobe to suit me, in that it contains mainly clothes bought from the womens department, which I can get away with in public. I am not out to family, prefer to keep it that way, but I wear femme clothes all the time in company with my kids, but look like Dad. I don't wear a bra in their company, hugs would give that away, but sports bras work in public under teeshirts.

[Genifer Teal]

So sorry for this new development In your relationship. I never wanted to grow old alone, but here I am doing it. At some point marriage stops making sense to risk half of everything for a 50% chance of it working out. All that effort for all those years and you separate, just before you need to really take care of each other. I say this cause I worry who's gonna take care of me when I need it. But that's my own doing. I hope you find ways to enjoy your time.

[bridget thronton]

Hope things work out for you both moving forward

[DeeDone]

My wife is leaving me, but not because of Joanie

My wife has said that she is still interested in going out with Joanie for drinks, lunch, or whatever.

I respect all the positive/well meaning comments posted before mine, however I live my life as a realist... To me, the odds of either of the quotes above being factual are remote. Not that the OP is lying, but I think after the dust has settled on "Independance" day the tune will change...or end...

Someone has to remind him that divorce is very seldom completed with mutual respect and friendship, so sure, think positive but don't ever forget to check your 6...

DD

[SophiaRose]

Your post raises the related question of why some couples grow apart and divorce in the fist place. It's certainly different for everyone. I worry that while my wife may be supportive of my dressing, it could be driving a not so obvious wedge between how we see each other. As an example: we were discussing eye liner while out at dinner one evening and the conversation felt like we were girl friends commiserating on how hard it was to apply correctly. It spooked both of us. I don't want to be just friends with my wife, I want that tension and passion to exist that draws us together. It's my fear that if I dressed around her any time I wanted she'd eventually see me as just a roommate and we'd drift apart. We might split amicably and say it had nothing to do with cross dressing but I'd always wonder if did in a subconscious sort of way.