I was molested by someone who told me that god made a mistake, and that I was really supposed to be a girl. He presented reasons why, and, as I was only a little kid, I didn't have the mental capability to challenge what he told me, so I believed him. After all, since I already believed in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, and a god, what was one more weird thing to believe in? So he made me into his private little girlfriend, and that lasted until right before I started high school. By then, the damage was done; long term indoctrination can be very difficult to defeat, no matter how ridiculous it may be. So to this day, the concept that I was really supposed to be a girl remains in the back of my mind, no matter how much logic tells me that it's not true. So I always feel just a little uncomfortable when dressed as a male, and am only truly comfortable when dressed as a girl. I'm sort of stuck in a female mindset at about age 14, exactly around the time my abuser disappeared from my life. Forever waiting to become the girl I was supposed to be? (I didn't reach puberty until I was 17). I would continue to secretly try on my older sister's clothes whenever no one else was home. That was almost 50 years ago. So I was stuck, for life, with the desire to dress as a girl. Repressing the desire results in me becoming short tempered, irritable, having difficulty sleeping, and having a shortened attention span. Perhaps like a computer that bogs down when you ask it to do too many things at once, my mind simply cannot hold back the thoughts telling me that I'm a girl, so those thoughts come to the conscious level of my mind, and everything else gets pushed aside until I'm once again, able to push them into the subconscious.
Meantime, I sit here in my cheerleader's uniform, enjoying watching the game on TV, pretending I'm one of the pretty girls on the sidelines.