The End.

[Maria 60]

I'm very sorry about your situation and it seems like we are always in what they call "catch 22". If you do it, your wrong and if you don't do it your still wrong.
I had a little eye opener a few years back, my cousin got divorced from his wife and we can really call him "the nice guy" because he really is. He meet a girl and her mother needed some work done and he referred me. While I was working at the mothers house she told me that my cousin is a really nice guy and her daughter should be very happy to find a man like him. Here comes my eye opener, she told me its to bad they won't be together long because he's to nice of a guy and a lot of women don't like that. I was totally confused by that statement and I had to ask, don't women want to be pampered, doors open for them doing things for them that they like or making an effort for them and supporting there dreams. I asked her so what should we do, I told her my cousin loves her daughter to death and she going to probably leave him for doing all the right things. The mother just nodded her head to a side with no answer, but the daughter did leave my cousin a month or so later.
After this I got confused myself on how to act or speak to my wife and to the point that she asked me what was wrong with me. I felt like I didn't know how to act to her, be nice don't be nice if doing the right thing is wrong then I guess I have to do the wrong thing.
After this discussion with her my wife just made the most sense, she will just be herself and I should just be myself and we shouldn't have to try so hard and if we can't handle who are true selves are then maybe we are not compatible.
I believe that's going to be your next step going forward is how are you going to go into your next relationship and my wife's statement makes a lot of sense. Just be yourself and hopefully we will find someone compatible. Im happy your getting help and with time your broken heart will mend and don't forget you have a big community on your side if you need us. Take care.

[Genifer Teal]

I agree it was probably less the little things and more the breach of trust she felt. Did I miss something? Did it somehow get back to her because of her name uniqueness? If so I fully understand her concern.

Otherwise, it's not uncommon for women to meet someone and tell their friends about that person immediately. That's kinda what you did. The internet made that a little bit bigger, but it's also somewhat anonymous. Back to that name thing, but really what are the chances of her being personally identified? When someone scared about something, the chance of it happening might seem infinitely likely no matter how unlikely it might be. I think someone that has a fear of being found out is more likely to jump to those conclusions.

What is she afraid of? She obviously likes you. Your situation is different. She's probably still questioning it for herself. If she is afraid of people finding out the kind of relationship she's in randomly across the internet, how is she gonna deal with it in person?

I know you felt it had a lot of potential, and it probably did. It seems like it wasn't perfect on its own. Maybe you just brought that to the surface sooner. All things happen for a reason. Accept this as one of those things and move on.

[Amy Lynn3]

Philippa: I'm very sorry the relationship did not work. I have a comment you may consider.
I have found if relationships are broken it only means a better one is around the corner. Life has a way of working things out for our betterment. You will find many understanding shoulders here if you need one.

[Glenda58]

I'm transitioning and have 5 girlfriends. They want me as their friend. We talk go out to dinner we all paid our own way. They may ask me something about a car or how to fix something. There is every few women that would want you in a relationship. You see them here on the forum. Most start out with a man then he turns to CD and they still love him. So don't try so hard and just let happen.

[Philippa Jane]

Long reply Out of the blue.

Just when I thought it could not get more complicated out of the blue came a text from the Greek girl.
I have been listening to other podcast by Mel Robbins on Avoidant traits.
So much of what she say has come about.
It has been a month since I posted The End and in truth I never expected any more contact such were the hurtful last words from her.
Today she was just commenting on some little things; just to break the ice so to speak.
Mel Robbins puts this down as the avoidant feeling back in control and safe in their own detachment.
Mel also advises no contact to show the avoidant that you are no longer available anytime they call.

My initial thoughts were not to respond but I have but many hours later and then only with minimal warmth and information.

In my own way of coping I will write about how I feel inside. This is really just for me as a therapeutic release. From the time I met the Greek girl to now I have filled 34 pages.
I had thought at one time to return a book she loaned me The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. An extremely dry book about spiritualism which has taken me forever to finish. In order to try and take things in and understand what was being said I could only do so many pages in a day.
I did take something from this and it does apply to me.
I do not live in the past. When I transitioned I took on a whole new life. The book teaches that the past is gone. Yes it is. The future is yet to happen. So we need to live in the Now. So live for the moment and enjoy it.

So back to my thread. When I returned the book I would have left my new manuscript with her which would outline my thoughts on why she seemed so mean to me. From what I have observed and read she could well suffer from avoidant behaviour brought on by childhood memories which she has never truly dealt with.
My wanting to be close to her was scary and her reaction towards me was nothing personal.
At the time it was but I have a better understanding of the condition now.
Were I to leave my manuscript of my inner most thoughts this could drive a deeper wedge in any relationship we could try for especially if she she sees it as an attack on her mental psyche.
So what do I do?

[char GG]

If you are asking whether or not to leave your manuscript for her to read, my thought would be a hard "no". Any further contact with her and you would open yourself up to more of her drama.

Let her deal with her own issues as you move on.

[kimdl93]

I agree with Char.

[Sandi Beech]

Yes, listen to Char. Besides, the easiest way to forget about someone is to find someone else who is a better match. If you engage with this person again, it will likely end up with you just being hurt all over again.

At some point you just have to cut your loses and move on.

Sandi

[JulieC]

Concur with the above Char, et. al. I'm no expert on human psychology, but it seems to me that if this friendship begins building again, it's going to be a one way sort of thing.

[Crissy 107]

Philippa, I absolutely agree with Char and everyone else on this. No need to go there

[Rhonda Darling]

Philippa, I agree with Char, Kim, Sandi, Juli, & Crissy. Cut the ties completely. You can?t change her, no matter how much you want to, and you will only end up being disappointed and hurt by her. Don?t let her neediness suck you in again. You are not on this planet to fix her. Go your own way and live your separate life. You will find someone who is better.

[Philippa Jane]

Thank you all for the input.
I will accept the advice and not provide the manuscript.
No real point in poking the bear as it will server no purpose.
The text I did send got no response. So I guess that is me done.
Thanks again for the support.