Things change fast

[Maria 60]

This week I got stuck working outside and it was sweltering hot. Yesterday I got off work went to cut my hair, in which I will write about what happened there later. I got home and took a cold shower and made myself a double ice Aperal Sprites, put on a beautiful summer dress and because both niebours were away I laid in the lawn chair in the yard. It was hot but I enjoyed the little breeze up my dress and just enjoying the outside air feeling being dressed. I was enjoying it after a long hot weeks work. Well that ended pretty fast because my wife came home and asked me if I could go pick up her mom and take her to a store. I asked the simple question of why this couldn't wait till tomorrow and why now in Friday night traffic. Well I guess something happened with her family and I could tell she was a little upset but she decided to play a different card. She said that I didn't want to go because I'm dressed and the niebours are away and that's one thing she hates when Maria take priority over everything, she slams the sliding door and I started picking up my class and other things to go in and get changed but by the time I came in she had already left. When she got home later she told me again that there are times when she wants to do things but I will not do them because my dress time is more important. Well in the Italian culture there is a saying "sometimes you have to be the sheep and not the wolf". So that's what I did, I explained my hot week situation and just wanted to end the week with a drink and not go into rush hour traffic and then as she kept going on I decided to play the sheep and I shut up. It's moments like this when I believe the truth comes out and I feel it's not excepting I get, its more of her being kind. She was upset with her family and Maria was the easier target. Either way dressed or not dressed I would have asked the same question but that's why I alway said in our situation never get comfortable because things change fast.

[Shelly Preston]

Maria

I can understand why you did not expect her to get upset.

Maybe next time you word the question a little differently.

If your really need me to go tonight I will change and go. less to asking why its so important.

[Raychel]

I totally feel for you Maria.
I have certainly been in similar situations.
My wife said she was accepting, but there was definitely times when her true colors
came out and I found she was not as tolerant as I thought she was. And there was
so many time she would let the wolf out on me. I tried my best to diffuse the situations at the
time. But almost always failed. There was no reasoning with her at all. I like you was an easy target
when she was mad. And sometimes she would use the crossdressing as leverage or threats to win her argument

We were having a very heated discussion one time and she asked if my father knew. Wooooo, that is a very low blow
I had a sit down conversation with him at that time. I did not need her tossing that bomb.

We had way bigger problems with our marriage then the crossdressing.

I hope you get some time to relax and enjoy your weekend.

[CarlaWestin]

".......and I feel it's not excepting I get, its more of her being kind."

It's these kind of revelations that give strength to the DADT situation.
The only acceptable alternative would be honest enjoyable participation.

[JulieC]

It is often the case that the people to whom we behave the worst are the people we are closest to.

Maria, you both had valid viewpoints. Trying to wend your way through those viewpoints to an equitable solution can be difficult. In this case, it was either/or with no middle ground compromise. You became an easy target. You're right; sometimes it's best to just shut up and take the lumps. Or, as I like to say, there can't be an argument if there's only one participant. Later on, when things calm down, it either can be discussed more calmly or it becomes a non-issue and fades into the past.

This same sort of thing happens to me, but more internally. I'll be crossdressed, and really...REALLY...don't want to get undressed, yet I have things I must do. It becomes a little war inside. My wife hasn't ever said anything along these lines, but it's possible she has thought it.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I can see both sides to Maria's argument.

Sometimes you just shut up and take it.

Others, you question why?

The key of course is to know when to take either course. Personally I get tired of always shutting up and taking it and have gotten more combative in my later years. I admit being retired and well off gives me more latitude compared to somebody still in the working world.

[bridget thronton]

Sometimes it is hard read the room (sounds like she needed your presence)

[Cheryl T]

When a situation like that appears for us my wife never reacts that way. She knows that no matter how I'm dressed if she asks something like that I will just change and handle it as I know that when I'm done I can just come home and change back into something pretty.
I used to get a little testy when something interrupted my time but then I realized that it's all my time and if I'm not dressed right now I will be again very soon.

[Traci H]

Those situations can be push by God knows what is going on in the world. Indeed, the kindness can take a backseat at times.

I am reminded of a Biff Rose album I have had in my collection for many years. He is a singer of all kinds of diddies and fun stuff. On the back of the album are some of his truisms, one of which is. ?There are only two ways to handle a woman. And now one knows either one.? I remember telling my father that saying, and he fully agreed.

[docrobbysherry]

Successful marriages require continuing compromise, renegotiation and readjustment. When one party gets tired of all that there's nothing the other can do except knuckle under or quit!

I tried knucking under. Which didn't work out for either of us!

I cannot recommend the financial and emotional heartbreak of divorce. Except afterwards u both will be better off after u heal.

Without my divorce? SHERRY WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN!

[Aka_Donna]

Sorry Maria, that's not a simple question. She asked because something was going on with her mom. She adjusts a lot for you, in times like this go with the flow. Just a moment and I'll be ready. Later, later, you may ask for comp time. But that depends on the reason for the immediate trip. Going with the flow early can save lots of heartache later. Mull it over...

[Stephanie47]

My observation is the lack of information your wife was providing for the request. Was it urgent? Or not? And, sometimes it does not matter what is being interrupted. It was Maria times. It could have been anything else. From your posts over the years it seems you're the easy touch in the neighborhood if someone needs a chore done or a repair.

[Maria 60]

I'm going to speculate here but I believe her mother needed a ride and her other four siblings must of brushed it off leaving it to her. I believe she was already upset when she came home and any answer except "yes deer" would have caused a fight, me dressed or undressed. I really didn't care if I had to get undressed and she knows in the past I undressed without any complaints. I just asked a question anyone would have asked, what's the urgency that couldn't wait, but believe she didn't want to go into Friday night traffic and preferred I did. I really didnt ask what she had to do or go with her mother but instead of snapping at me she easily could have explained the situation. The problem as usual was her family but it ended up on Maria's shoulders. To think all week all I think about is the weekend but after last night I feel like I can't wait for Monday morning to come. And that's sad because it really had nothing to do with the dressing and it just became the main issue. I don't,know why. I didn't bring it up anymore and I got up this morning and picked up my grandchildren and spent an amazing day with them.

[Aka_Donna]

Sometimes we're just sound walls that they can safely vent at, when the real target would play an uproar game. That's just life.

[DAVIDA]

That is true, Donna.
My wife taught school for 45 years, and sometimes she would come home really frustrated or mad for whatever reason.
She would take it out on me at times, but I would just tell her that I understand why, but it doesn't mean that I like it.
That would turn the conversation and her attitude.
She did realize I was just there to be a sounding board.
I have always been able to do what or wear what I wanted too anytime, and dressing would never have anything to do with things.
She is a LOT calmer since she retired.

[Helen_Highwater]

I would suggest that what your SO said could have applied to a number of scenarios. Home from a hard day at work and crashed out on the sofa catching up on your favorite sports team's midweek game that you missed. Putting on golfing gear to drive a few balls at the range. Just about to go and carry on working on your latest project in the mancave/ garage.

There's many situations that a husband can find themselves in were they were looking forward to a bit of relaxation only to find some random variable makes it's way into their life that's of far more importance to another than them.

Your dressing is your golf or engine rebuild. I wouldn't read too much significance into the tolerated Vs accepted consideration. Your SO has shown such support over the years just look upon this as a little bit of general irritation on her part that you didn't ask how high when she said jump.

[alwayshave]

Maria, if my ex-wife ever caught me relaxing, she would have a fit. You got off easy.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Part of being a good husband is being your wife's punching bag. Also, regardless of our clothes, we are men, our wives are women, and as such we think differently.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria , You seam to be getting a lot of Exersize by Pushing your Luck, >Orchid**OO**