Yesterday my wife came home from shopping and I was sitting on my backyard steps dressed and having a coffee. When she came out she knew the niebours were on holiday's but she still looked around to make sure nobody was out. She sat down next to me and she told me she has to ask what makes me want to take this risk, what is so worth it that always wants to pull me outside. She said she notices I'm not as content ever since I stopped my Friday drive, I don't want her to buy anything anymore or she can't remember the last time I put on makeup or lipstick. I told her the Friday drive was for me a reason to totally dress, something to look forward to do my makeup wear something nice and in case of something I wanted to be presentable.
She told me she doesn't understand why I want to go out and take risks after all she makes me do whatever I want inside. She told me when I come home from work if we aren't doing anything I dress all night, and if we go out I'm usually underdressed with panties and a bra and sleep with a full slips or nighties. Even though I have all this freedom to do whatever I want indoors she asked me and doesn't understand what is so special about doing it and what drives me to want to be outdoors.
Her theory is whatever I do in the privacy of our own home is nobody's business, but even though my Friday drive was a low risk, it still was a risk and I was in public and she called it a weakness. She said she could tell that I'm always looking for an excuse to maybe go out dressed.
I told her I don't know what it is, it's almost like a magnet pulling me, a driving force in my head that pulls me out. I admitted I have to stop my mind at times from thinking of ways to walk outside, I guess it's just human nature to want what you can't have. I told her it just feels different outside, just walking on cement instead of hardwood floor and feeling the sun on my legs and the breeze.
I wish I had more answers for her but when I think about it I really don't know why I want go outside or take greater risk. It's just a feeling I can't control.
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