I don't know why I feel this way

[Maria 60]

They say when you get older you get more emotional but I can't explain the emotions I'm feeling now.
I wrote about a week ago my sister in law was over and I almost modelled a dress in front of her. I explained she seen me dressed in the background of a FaceTime call with my wife a few years back but she always had and idea about my strong fem side. During last weeks visit she asked for a favour, she needed a document that would probably take months to receive but she knew that I know someone who could speed this up. I told her I would do it for her but I didn't want to sound like a jerk but I had to explain the situation. I told her because I'm a handy man I do work for a lot of people and with some of them I do the trade off system in which I believe it's called bartering. I explained that when I ask for this favour she gets the favour for free but when this person calls me Im the one repaying the favour.
Well I made the call and she called me yesterday telling me she received the document and asked me if I need something so she could repay the favour. I told her I'm a very simple person and have everything I need and just her calling and thanking me is more then enough.
Yesterday I got home from work and my wife handed me an envelope from her sister with a gift card for the liquor store and then she point down to a bag. My wife told me her sister asked her if it was out of line for her to give me her clothes she was going throw out. My wife explained she only took the clothes because she knows her sister is a shopaholic and probably most of them still have the store tags on them. In disbelief of what I was hearing I got the bag and looked inside and seen there was actually clothes in there. This feeling came over me, I had to sit down and I just got filled with emotion. My wife asking me what was wrong with me and why am I not excited to go threw the clothes in the bag. I don't know why I couldn't talk, just a feeling of I don't know, maybe the thought of my wife wanting to help me through this or maybe the feeling of the acceptance from my sister in law. I don't know what it is, but it is a good feeling. From last night I'm still getting these emotional moments and almost thinking back at my past and what I've been threw torturing myself with guilt and so much anger of why me and now I'm blessed to have these women who just wipe out all of that and never thought of anything good coming out of this. My wife didn't understand it but I just gave her a big hug and I told her she will never understand it but all I could do is thank her over and over.
I called my sister in law to thank her for the unnecessary gifts but I didn't get into details about the clothes but did tell her I appreciate it.
I don't know what these feelings are, they say when you get older you get more emotional and thanks to everyone here also for the help along the way. There I go, more emotions.

[CarlaWestin]

Maria, this crossdressing thing is extremely emotional and can be full of social guilt yet we suppress it to keep things in the realm of normalcy. The exaggerated imaginary fear of torches and pitchforks always exists in parallel with our extreme desires to be in our exaggerated feminine private existence. These moments of acceptance are calm waters and it's OK to just enjoy that tranquility.

[kimdl93]

Your emotional response is understandable. I would guess most of us would deeply appreciate expressions of acceptance from others, particularly close family members. I suspect that one emotion is relief. Knowing that you no longer need to hide or deny the subject around your SIL and that it?s safe to be yourself. Then I suppose also theres a newfound sense of freedom and possibility. It may never happen, but it?s conceivable that you might be able to dress fully around your SIL, as you currently do with your wife. Being seen and accepted for who we are is a wonderful gift.

[Pernille Tiratzo]

Thank you for sharing. I totally understand this. When someone I love and care for gives a gift to Pernille I just crack. It is so much more than a "thing", is like an acceptance. They say, I respect you and love you no matter what with that little gift. I have three bottles of nail polish that my children gave me for father's day a couple of years ago. I am never throwing them away!

[Raychel]

Maria, This is totally understandable.
We are so wrapped up in the guilt that is associated with crossdressing,
we build a bubble around ourselves, Creating a safe place to feel like ourself
When this sort of thing happens, It is like that bubble just got a bit bigger.
more room to move, more room to breath. Gestures like this show a huge sense of
acceptance. Giving us a brief feeling that at least someone accepts you. And just
maybe there is hope afterall. It is such a huge gesture, the overall relief from that gesture
can be SUPER emotional.

I have had this feeling in the past. The after feeling will last a while, then a huge sense of relief will happen.

So happy for you.

[Mercedes]

I see nothing wrong with getting emotional over a gift of acceptance. I am very happy for you.

[Sandi Beech]

Acceptance can trigger powerful deep emotions. I never got that at home so you are lucky in that regard, but I did receive a great deal of acceptance during my many outings, so I understand your feeling that way about what happened. Enjoy the acceptance.

Sandi

[bridget thronton]

Is nice that your SIL sent you such a nice gift

[docrobbysherry]

I may have experienced the emotions u mention, Maria. However, I haven't gotten those teary eyed, overwhelming, grateful feelings around family.

It happened a few times when I was out with other dressers. And, alcohol may have been involved!

[alwayshave]

Maria, I have definitely gotten more emotional as I get older. Just sort of thought it was from the lowering of testosterone.

[Jillcder]

Maria that is such a sweet story you are a wonderful person it must feel incredible to have both your wife and SIL accept and support your Crossdressing. I agree with others this Crossdressing hobby along with aging is definitely very emotional.

[tiffyjo]

What a great situation you were able to be part of. I know that as I get older, I am definitely more emotional no matter what the occasion. Certain things make me just cry which I never did when I was younger and it seems that a trigger is that I try to dress more feminine as situations allow.

[ilisa]

Acceptance of ourselves is difficult enough. As Raychel said, guilt plays a role there. I cannot imagine what it must be like for a sister in law to accept and send a gift like that. I don't think its possible to fully understand it, but ts more than a hobby, Deep down inside its part of who we are. Thats what makes the acceptance so special.