Tomi, there's a lot you're saying that rings true with me.

I've seen many psychological approaches to crossdressing by the members of this forum. There's no 'right' or 'wrong'; whatever works for someone is whatever works for them. For my part, I've read of people compartmentalizing their femme aspects into a neat box they refer to by their pseudonym. That doesn't work for me...at all. I don't want "Julie" to be some alter-persona that I allow out of a box from time to time. For a loooong time I have struggled with self acceptance of who I am. For many years, it was struggling to self-accept crossdressing, not understanding that the crossdressing is an expression of me, not me per se. For some time now I've been embracing all of me, and trying to further self acceptance of all of me. The way in which you have learned about yourself comes very close to the same path I've taken.

Congratulations on your realizations Remember this is all part of the journey, and more of the road lies in front of you, with more discoveries about yourself to come!