Does submissiveness lead to crossdressing

[AmyJordan]

Hi Girls

Members have asked me before if I was always a crossdresser and the answer is No, in fact it never entered my head until my wife introduced it into our lifestyle.

However despite my macho teenage phase I have always been submissive to females.
Being the youngest and growing up in a house full of girls after my father left when I was young maybe it was inevitable.

I remember 1 sister in particular who loved me to lay on the floor whilst she watched TV and put her feet on my face for hours, the first time my mother walked in and asked what was going on my sister simply said ' he likes it 'and my mother left.
My sisters mostly wore pantyhose so
a therapist would also undoubtedly say this formed my fetish for nylon.

My wife obviously saw this hidden submissive side despite my dominant approach with earlier girlfriends and has taken huge advantage of it.

My question is do you think being a submissive will inevitable lead to being crossdressed.

Amy x

[Philippa Jane]

Amy.
I am not sure they go hand in hand.
One could be submissive to a woman who had no desire to put her partner into women's clothes.
I think the desire to dress in women' s clothes comes from something other than being submissive.
The tactile feel of the fabrics would be one thing for some and perhaps the constraining feel of girdles or corsets for others. I won't go into those who have a fetish or sexual disposition for dressing.
Some of us felt we were in the wrong bodies from an early age and this was us just exploring what it could have been like to be a woman.

[Sabine7]

I can only say for myself. I used to be both somehow submissive and destined for crossdressing. I think that both things are results of my own hidden femininity, now discovered. I had to be formed to be a girl when being child, most probably unintentionally. As far as I know my mother expected me to be a girl when pregnant. I was raised at home close to my mother, no kinder garden, a lot of female relatives visiting my mum and staying for several days while my father working away on an overseas contract for years. As far I remember I had quite often doubts if my gender was correctly assigned.

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Amy, the answer, in my opinion, is not so easy. Despite submissiveness does not necessary lead to crossdressing I think it is even true that crossdressing is often associated with a submissive mind to females. I think that crossdressing is associated with an interior feeling of female superiority in the crossdresser which often lead to consider a female such as a Goddess, consequently there's a sort of submission to females. I would say that crossdressing often correlates to submissiveness to females but in the opposite direction there's less correlation, that is to say submissiveness does not lead so often to crossdressing. Eventually this correlation is a consequence of the female desires to crossdress a submissive partner of a slave

[Jasmine23]

Hi Amy,
I don't think that submissiveness leads to crossdressing, but, I think a lot of crossdressers are submissive in nature, certainly more so than the average non crossdresser. Personally I'm very submissive and a people pleaser, I hate saying no to people and often go out of my way to help others, often to my own detriment, it's a fault in me that I wish I wasn't so submissive, but, I'm of the mind that I'd prefer something bad to happen to me if it means someone I care about is OK.
Despite having two older brothers and dad around, I had a more female
dominated upbringing, I was the youngest, shared a room with my two older sisters- despite my brothers having a larger room - while my
brothers would often stay over at my Uncle's for the weekend, I always
stayed home with my sisters. I was treated more like my sisters, than my
brothers without dressing up obviously! I definitely think this lead me
down the road of crossdressing, as I tried on every outfit belonging to my
sisters when the coast was clear! I often think had I been treated more
like my brothers would I ever have crossdressed, I'll never know.

[Meg]

The answer is as varied and complicated as all of us here. I for one have always done the manly things, hunting, cars, sports, etc. But was not the alpha male when it came to relationships. I have always held women in high esteem and wanted to "Be There" for them. The story of "Ferdinand the Bull" was always a favorite of mine when younger. Didn't want to be mean, just wanted to smell the flowers. The old Kenny Rogers song, "Coward of the County" sums me up quite well. I pity the man who tries to hurt a woman around me. Yet, always on the submissive side of the relationship. As for my dressing, not sure where it comes from and I cannot seem to stop. Many purges over the years, but the Pink Fog always returns. There is most likely no one answer to your question, but I love the conversation you have started. Hugs, Meg

[chrissy111]

Many of our friends have asked about our relationship, and many assume my wife is the dominant one. But other than my being her wife, we are equals in our life. Many people assume we are submissive just because of the way we choose to dress. Amy, you seem very happy in your life as Amy now, but if your wife didn't put you in a dress I feel that you would still be happy in that life.So in trying to answer your question, I would say that just being submissive in itself would not always lead to our life style.

[Gail_veiled]

Amy, Would you still crossdress if your wife was not requiring it of you? I am totally unqualified to give any advice here, but on the surface it sounds like you have been trained by domineering women since childhood to see your self worth tied to how well you perform your submissive role. Even your mention of you dominating relationships in your teens or with other girlfriends sounds like an attempt to follow behaviors you were taught. I'm very much of the opinion that whatever works for mutually consenting adults is 100% OK in a relationship (baring physical or mental harm). Ask yourself are truly consenting and healthy in your subservient role or are you being dominated in a harmful way because of your upbringing and would like it to be different? If the latter, please consider professional help.

I believe most of us feel crossdressing comes from some internal need and not from an external source. I don't think just a tendency towards submissiveness is necessarily a direct connection or path to it either. While there seems to be some common personality patterns in what others have shared (Meg's reply in particular could have been describing myself as well), it would probably be over simplistic to categorize crossdressing having any single causal relationship whether it be gender dysphoria, fetish affirmation, female worship, or whatever else words fail to convey. As I sit here writing this with fake boobs, a wig, and woman's pajamas on, I wish I knew what drives this desire. My mind apparently finds something beneficial as life in general certainly would be easier if it didn't.

[Stephanie47]

Amy, you and your wife seem to be a match made in heaven. I do not know the answer to the never ending "Why?" question. I was a rough and tumble kid growing up. It wasn't until puberty that cross dressing entered my mind. So, I do believe cross dressing may be linked to hormones and genetics. It does not make any sense that I would persist in exploring wearing women's clothing when there was so much scorn heaped on any male who did not conform to societal expectations. I've met men who seem to be submissive to their wives without any hint of cross dressing. Of course, there may be relationships that encourage or at least do not discourage self expression.

Now, the other aspects of your postings; Why is your wife so engaged in encouraging your cross dressing to the extent it appears to us? There seems to be a case for her wanting to be dominant, but that can be achieved without the cross dressing. It does exert a lot of power over you, if you do not want family and peer groups to know. There is also the case that can be made that your wife enjoys having a girl friend with benefits.

[docrobbysherry]

I think that's a good question, Amy. But, u should ask an experienced professional for an accurate answer!

I certainly didn't start dressing out of the blue because of my submissive side. However, that affected some of my experiences with women.
My college girlfriend wanted to get married. But, she was TOO submissive. I had to decide everything which became exhausting!

On the other hand I let my ex became TOO dominant. Over time she wore me down. Then, when I finally had had enuff and fought back it was too late!

Bottom line!? It takes balls to go out in public dressed if you're a MIAD like me!

[Shelly Preston]

The Answer is no.

I am sure there are a lot of submissive men who never even consider crossdressing.

However it can lead down the crossdressing path depending on the individuals involved

[April Rose]

I think a lot of males fantasize about being made to cross dress because they want to cross dress, but there is so much shaming around doing so that they don't want to admit to wanting to.

[nvlady]

I think they are two completely different things, however they sure seem to link together in my case.

[Phoebe Reece]

Everyone has different motivations for crossdressing. I have never been submissive in any setting. I am typically a leader or equal team member in whatever I have pursued. I don't see crossdressing as a submissive act. I admire women and do not see them as either inferior or superior. My motivation is more along the lines of doing something I am not ordinarily expected to do.

[ilisa]

Good thread.

I think there's more than a casual relationship for many, but one doesn't necessarily cause the other.

[DAVIDA]

Hi Amy.
Submissive, me? No.
I personally do not feel that being submissive leads to being a crossdresser.
I do try to be helpful, caring, and supportive, but don't TELL me what or when, or how to do or be.
My wife is a very strong willed and opinionated person, much like me, and it is probably why we are so well matched and in so much love with each other.
We are asked often how we have been married so long to which I will answer that we respect, love, support each other and I say, "yes dear".
I tell her, and she me, many times a day that I love her.
I get excited when I see her wake up in the morning and tell her how much I love her, and I hope she never tires of hearing me say it, to which she says she never will.
Don't get me wrong. We have had some heated....discussions, and that is when I have to love her the most, because if I didn't, we would have never made it.
Submissive just isn't part of my, or her, personality, and to be honest, I don't understand why anyone would be, but that isn't for me to decide or judge.
The saying, to each their own, come to mind.
If you are happy in your relationship with your wife and the life you live, then nobody has the right to say different.
As for what the reason for me to be a crossdresser, I have no idea, I just am.
I have always been, and it took my wife to get me to realize I'm not an abomination for being one.
She told me it is why I am the person I am today because of it, and she may not have liked me if I were not.
I didn't even tell her until the time I asked her to marry me.
It was the hardest thing I ever did because I didn't know if she would run away screaming, but I couldn't hide such a major thing from her.
It was up to her to decide if she wanted to be in such a relationship.
The only thing she said when I told her was, so?
Sorry for the long post, but it does take two people who agree with any situation for a relationship to succeed.
Have I said that I love my wife?
Davida

[Lacey New]

I don?t think so. If I was submissive, I would have obeyed the rules and never have put on a pair of women?s panties. I am not a gym rat, but I consider myself very much an alpha male.

[Debbie Denier]

H Amy, I think the dressing comes from something deep within you. Early stages came from curiosity. I loved a neighbour s communion dress and how she looked and was treated.

I started with my mothers nylons and have a fetish for them to this day. I progressed to lingerie , dresses , heels etc. i always loved and admired women. My father often worked away so spent a lot of my childhood with my mother, aunt and female cousins.So it developed long before I knew what submissive was. An interest in the submissive side of things came at a much later age.

[Sabine7]

Hi Amy, I see and feel this exactly like you. Our life experiences in this area seem to be similar. I would only add that I feel with all this very accomplished, satisfied and proud of it.

[Nyla F]

Hi Amy,
I think a causal relationship is hard to prove, that submissiveness leads to crossdressing. But I can easily see where there could be some correlation. Being open to expressing femininity, could include being open to submissiveness if one believes submissiveness is a feminine trait. I'm not saying it is a feminine trait, only that this could be a perception by men, or MTF crossdressers.

[jking90]

I don't think submissiveness leads to crossdressing. I have read on other boards of people who are submissive (and/or in a led relationship) where there is no crossdressing involved. I think the reverse is also true - crossdressing doesn't lead to submissive, as you can see on this site, where people crossdress for a variety of reasons.

But I also think that there are more people who are both (sub/cd) than would be expected.

[Rochal Tukque]

I think the answer will be as diverse and personal as the people on this site. There?s certainly nothing practical about owning two sets of clothes. Ha ha. If your into incarnation maybe you have some unfinished business from the past one. For me it?s in the genes as surly as migration.
Hugs Rochal

[Sherrii]

If a submissive male finds a dominant female it may well lead to crossdressing if she finds it amusing to transform the sub male. Or she uses crossdressing to help make the male feel more submissive or dominated. A good book on this subject is FEMALE DONINATION, by Elise Sutton. Probably out of print maybe found on Amazon.

[TheHiddenMe]

Not for me. I was about seven years old when I first wanted to try on a dress or be the boy who got to dress as a girl for Halloween, long before I would even know what being submissive meant.

Adult me has submissive fantasies, ones that are unlikely to ever happen, but those didn't cause my crossdressing (and I have no idea of the cause of wanting to wear dresses).

[alwayshave]

Amy, I cannot say that I am submissive. I do have submissive fantasies, but in my every day life I am not submissive.