Counseling

[JennniferMcC]

Hello Ladies. It's been a while since I've posted here. After a couple of horrible purges I've made my way back. It's time for me to work out some of the guilt issues involving crossdressing that keep tripping me up and start to try to get my dressing to be a happy and healthy part of my life. To that end (stab in ghe dark here) do any of my sisters in the PA/South Jersey area know any good counselors who specialize in this? I've been searching the web and to my surprise, haven't found very many. Thanks so much!
-Jen

Reply by private message: phone numbers or addresses are not to be mentioned.

[JulieC]

Jen, I can certainly understand the guilt issues. For me, the journey of self acceptance has been a life long journey. I've long ago accepted that crossdressing is never going away, but it's still a struggle to accept all of me as me. Some people here like to identify their femme selves as an alternate person almost (and if that works for them, great!). I can't do that. I've been trying for many years now to integrate all of me as me, and it really is part of that self acceptance journey. It's working, if slowly.

I hope you can find a competent counselor. It can be a challenge!

[CarlaWestin]

The guilt trip is a lingering shame due to early conditioning. If you're like me, you enjoy the clothes, the feel, the experience, the whatever but, there's that lingering stigma that triggers that shameful feeling.
Finally, after all these years I'll have an occasional 'what am I doing' moment' but I don't leave myself hanging in negativity, I follow through with 'I'm having more fun and enjoying more of an enhanced life than any non CD!'

[Traci H]

It took me a fair amount of time to accept myself. These past few years virtually all guilt has faded away. However having a wife that hates every aspect of CD can bring it back to the surface. Our recent battle on this front made me realize that those little bits of acceptance I perceived were really not there.

My wife stated that I should seek therapy. I am sure her assumption is they will have some program that will rid this cd issue out of me forever. I do wish to seek therapy but only to help put things in perspective. I am so saddened that my wife stated I just put myself first and wants it all gone. I see no part of a loving relationship that might work out a compromise. Thus it has caused me some depression and sadness.

I have just used the Psychology Today website to locate a therapist that deals will issues related to CDing and similar. I presently have an inquiry in to her and expect a response this week. I will certainly update here about how this all goes so others can hopefully learn from it.

I like the video that Wisdom Within in CT has posted on YouTube. The therapist there, Katie Ziskind talks about crossdressing and how normal and common it really is. I like to view that video from time to time. Makes me feel better about my wife thinking I?m a defective outlier human being. If I lived in CT I would be going to her clinic.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Here is the clip I especially love.

https://youtu.be/saUOv4R_lJk

[audreyinalbany]

y'know that therapy doesn't have to be localized these days. many, if not most, counselors do on line counseling now. I don't love it...I think that for such things real life is better. Human interaction, body language and such...but on line is certainly an option

[Traci H]

Audrey, you are correct and I certainly am keeping that as an option if things don?t pan out with a local therapist. I do put a high value on body language, etc as you noted

Jen, my apologies. I did not mean to hijack your thread. I hope someone is able to recommend a therapist in your area. I just fell prey to your quest as it is something I seek as well, and wanted to tell you how I just started. Fingers crossed.

[JennniferMcC]

No need to apologize Traci. I've been taking everyone's advice to heart and very gratefully. My wife and I tried speaking to a therapist but, honestly, I knew more about gender issues than the therapist did and I think my wife and I had different goals, me to gain acceptance (mine & my wife's) and she to find me a "cure." Naturally, there were only a few sessions which accomplished little. I know many therapists do telemed (some solely) but even though I'm an avowed introvert, I think in-person sessions would be more comfortable for this gal. Thank you so much to everyone who's replied.

[Traci H]

Jennifer, I can totally relate to your situation. My wife wants me to get therapy, but I know her goal is for me to also get cured. I?m sure she hopes there will be some therapy that will disperse the pink fog forever. It might be electro-shock, flashing lights, whatever it takes to cure me. I, on the other hand am hoping there will be therapist that be able to get her to eventually accept some part of me. If I get the right therapist, I think they will want my wife to attend. I?m pretty certain she does not want to, as it?s my problem. This should be fun!!! The whole process could be a waste of time. I pray for a good outcome.

Yes, I hope I find a therapist that is very well versed in crossdressing issues.

[TheHiddenMe]

I will just add that many therapists often just do online (or mostly online) therapy these days, so one is not restricted to a geographic area these days. For example, our son had an Australian therapist (my wife is Australian, and my wife's sister recommended the therapist) and we live in the Midwest US.

You can search for a qualified gender therapist online and thereby perhaps find someone better suited for each individual than is just within their geographic vicinity.

Good luck.

[SophiaRose]

@Jennifer, you will probably have luck if you consider online therapy since many are licensed to cover NJ, NY, PA and DE. For example, I live in PA and am seeing a therapist in NYC. Unfortunately, many list working with LGBT individuals on their bios but don't specialize in crossdressing and TG issues. I found a wonderful therapist that helped me with the guilt and shame but wasn't aware of some of the theories around why we do this. You really have to ask them how much experience they have with this issue. I would highly recommend spending a-lot of time thinking about, and jotting down, what your goals are before hand. It will make the experience much more productive and enriching. Just reducing the shame has made me sooo much happier. I'd also think about what age and gender you want your therapist to be to feel most comfortable. Making progress means opening up and being brutally honest with yourself. Finally, spend a little time thinking about what type of therapy you want. Is it CBT, psychoanalysis, solution focused? There can be a big difference in the therapists approach. Happy searching!!

[Genifer Teal]

I was adamant about not needing counseling. I come from a family of do it yourselfers. whatever the project is, we get it done ourself mostly, except for the really heavy stuff or if you need special equipment. I can say, I really didn't need counseling.I was able to manage this myself.

What I can say is that getting help saves you time, whatever the project is. With counseling that can mean getting to the end result sooner. Whatever that end result may be. At many of our ages, we are not getting younger. Understanding this sooner and spending the time we have left the best way possible is an advantage. If I did it again, I would probably seek help even though I would still feel I don't need it.

[Traci H]

Jen, I am giving you my update in the hope it sheds light on your situation.

I mentioned above that I had an inquiry in at a therapist close to me that held promise. Well today I got a response that she was not accepting new clients. Argh!

Starting over I have spent hours reading profiles, reviews, etc of various therapists in my area. A fairly large metro area at that. First, I see that many are only taking online appointments. I do value the actual in person experience, especially to get started. There are also lots that mention LBTQ++., but never crossdressing. Not sure if that moniker addresses CD or not. There is one place that specifically mentions working with crossdressers. Their reviews are mostly good, with some negative ones. I?m used to that as it is the way it is these days. Just read Amazon reviews. I think I will now contact them and hope it works out. They have quite a few therapists at this facility. Most are woman. That?s my preference anyways. Hopefully one or two is adept at working with crossdressing and their spouses.

[JennniferMcC]

In my experience, unless there are other issues to work on, a therapist without specific CD experience is almost a waste of time. I say ALMOST because communication skills are communication skills, whatever the situation. But if one is looking to help a spouse into increased acceptance (or even oneself) then knowledge of CD specific issues becomes so very important. Unfortunately, I'm finding therapists who know CD issues (rather than issues related to transitioning) a rare breed these days.

[Traci H]

Well Jennifer I just made contact with the facility that noted they handle CD issues. The intake person did say it?s a rather niche specialty but seemed confident they would be able to pair me with the appropriate counselor. I agree with your conclusion that the therapist needs to be well versed in CD issues or it will be a waste of time. I will be moving ahead in the hopes that this comes to pass and is meaningful. I hate to waste time and money for non specific therapy. I certainly will be posting to this group about my interactions.

[JennniferMcC]

Best wishes for a good fit Traci. Please keep me in the loop as to how it's going. Very interested...

[Gail_veiled]

Jen and Traci,

I hope you both find excellent matches with your counseling choices. I'll look forward to hearing whatever you choose to share in the future.

This thread has definitely struck a cord with me. I think my outlook has been similar to what Genifer stated but I am considering looking into therapy options for myself also; the "...getting to the end result sooner..." statement is very appealing.

[Traci H]

Update?.There is none actually. I fully expected a call back from the therapist or clinic to schedule an appointment of some sort. I did not call back after 24 hours, being patient and all. Now it?s been 48 hours and nothing. Makes me question their practices, etc. Maybe they don?t know what to do with a crossdresser after all. Tomorrow I will be with my wife all day and prefer to talk with them initially by myself. So I won?t be calling back until Friday. Am I expecting too much?

[Debs]

Just let go , accept enjoy, I do and love it !!! fought it for years there's no escape, so go with the flow.

[Gail_veiled]

Jen and Traci,

Both of your searches prompted me into taking action too. I did some research in my area and hopefully found a match. Time will tell if this therapist has enough knowledge specific to crossdressing but I have an initial tele-session setup for next Tuesday. I do plan in the future to go in-person as their office is only about 30 min. from my house.

Jen - Hope you've had some success in your search. Given the population in the PA/S. Jersey/Philly region, you really would think there would be someone available. I couldn't find anyone's bio with direct matches to crossdressing in my area although I did specifically ask for someone with prior CD experience to the clinic I'm going through. Guess I'm just hoping for someone professional enough to take in interest even if they are not super experienced - I can (and will) pull the plug if I feel they aren't providing what I am looking for.

Traci - It took this clinic two days to get back to me and I was questioning if they were interested also. At least once they did, it was easy to setup an initial session. I think you should re-contact the intake person to at least get a time-frame for when you might expect a scheduling callback. I can understand people may be out of the office or busy but they should at least communicate. You should also keep looking for an alternative just in case.

For me - Will "Gail" be the one attend this initial meeting? - I think so assuming I don't chicken out. I know most here have long left this stage behind but it's hard to 1st open that closet door even to a professional.

Best wishes to the both of you

[Traci H]

Gail, thanks so much for your response. I hope your appointment is all you hope for and more. While I have participated in many threads on this forum, this one holds my attention like no other.

Jen, I hope you are able to locate a resource for yourself. It would be good for all of us to be able to share our interactions with those that visit this forum.

So Gail, are you going dressed? Sounds like you are headed in that direction. More power to you. I too have thought about such, but I?m certain my wife will have different thoughts on that. I may just carry my purse with me as a start. Or not. While I am ok, having accepted myself long ago. I do look forward to talking with someone in person about my dressing.
Hopefully in a very accepting way. First I need that appointment!!

[Gail_veiled]

Traci,

Since the initial session will be over the computer, my plan (as of today) is be fully dressed. I figure the only way to benefit from this is to be 100% transparent with her and just cross that bridge right away.

As far as when I would be comfortable enough to actually go into their office dressed? I think there's some work to put in before that happens! Never even been out of my house dressed yet.

[Genifer Teal]

It's good that you're seeking counseling. I hope you find someone that is the right fit. To further explain what I said above, mom found my stuff when I was 18, she suggested counseling that and I refused it. overall, I really didn't need it. I'm pretty well adjusted. I t took ten years before I started getting out there. Imagine getting out there in my early twenties, instead of my early thirties? May not be your situation. i can still imagine there's some great amount of time you can save by understanding this and coming to term sooner, whatever you're looking for.

[JennniferMcC]

For me, I guess counseling would be less for coming to terms with things. (long ago realized this isn't going away) But more how to deal with the limitations and stress of the DADT with my wife. My hope is that maybe she'd also agree to come. We'll see how it works out I guess. Best of luck to all the ladies!

[JesseVF]

Jen, Traci, and Gail - good luck with your searches - it may take a bit but you should eventually find someone you like. I actually asked my previous therapist back East about NJ clients but she only can work with MA, NH, or MD residents. I started with her in drab but pretty quickly was comfortable enough to dress (this was online). Now in CA I go in person dressed and find it very helpful to have someone to talk to. Both women totally have the supportive attitude that we deserve to live our lives as fully as we want - or of course are able to within our life circumstances.
Once you get going I think you will find therapy helpful.

[Traci H]

Jennifer, your goal is the same as mine. I fear my wife will plant her feet in the ground if a therapist suggests some tolerance from her and that she should come to therapy.

Jesse, I hope to hear tomorrow if they have found someone to work with. Your history is exactly what I want to find. I have accepted myself but it would be great to talk with someone in person. The gals on this forum are great, but I hope for just a bit more, if you know what I mean. If this clinic doesn?t work out, I?ll be searching some more. Seems it would be easier if I was gay or trans at this point. These places list LBTQ?and the other letters, but crossdressing seems to fit in there a bit oddly.