Therapy Outcomes and marriages

[Traci H]

I have just started some therapy related to crossdressing. Ultimately I don?t believe I need therapy, but my wife thinks I do. I have long accepted I am CD and it is just who I am.

My hope is at some point, it will be determined that my wife needs to be part of the solution and will hopefully attend. I am not sure how this will precipitate but am ever hopeful.

My question is had anyone participated in therapy with their wife and resolved their differences. Granted both parties would have to meet at some midpoint. Has this actually worked for anyone?

[Cheryl T]

If she thinks you need therapy then she should be there to help express what she believes is the issue and how it affects both of you.

[docrobbysherry]

I went with my ex. But, among our issues wasn't my dressing which was in it's infancy back then.

It didn't take many sessions before it was clear to us both that we were done!

But, as I've already explained, if your SO won't participate and is urging u to see someone hoping to cure your dressing? A therapist can't help u, Traci.

[Raychel]

I went to therapy with my ex-wife as well,
We started as family counseling, then just the 2 of us, then one on one
In the end it really was not about the crossdressing, and nothing was really solved.
I don't want to talk bad about anyone. The dressing was not the issue.
We continued on for many years after that, Until I got to my breaking point.

I hope it works out for you.

[Aka_Donna]

Reread Cheryl T's post. Therapy is not a magic pill. If she can't go with you to joint therapy, it's a waste of time. It doesn't matter who the therapist is and what their perspective on life is. The problem is a joint issue not a solitary issue.

[SaraLin]

I tried couples therapy with my second wife. As soon as she figured out that they weren't going to "fix" me, she stopped going.
She's long gone.

[Genifer Teal]

IMHO therapy tends to promote compromise. What compromise could work for you? How about her? Just judging from examples I see on this forum, you are either for or against this. Not much middle ground. How would you feel about having a ton of restrictions on your dressing? Compromise doesn't seem easy from either side.

[alwayshave]

I went to therapy with my ex-wife. But therapy was not going to make her love, or even like me, nor be a nice person.

[Maria 60]

Genifer makes a great point, I only went to therapy not for me but for one of my children and a nephew. I thought it was going to be about curing my child's and nephews problem, instead it was more about preparing me and educating me on how to cope with it better. When I suggested to my wife if she thought I needed theopy she answered me that as long as we find a middle ground that both of us can live with there shouldn't be a problem. But if one of use are not going to at least make any form of effort she believes there's your answer right there.

[kimdl93]

My ex and I went to one therapy session at her request. It seemingly went well, but within 18 months we were divorced. She made a good faith effort at first, but over time she simply could not put her objections to crossdressing aside. I dont blame her, but I often wonder if we might have had a different result if we had continued therapy for a meaningful length of time.

[Traci H]

Thank you for your insight. Yes, I am not sure of my wife?s determination to make this all go away. I am willing to compromise but still need to be me. I will be starting with a therapist on my own, and hopefully will move to couple?s counseling. Fingers crossed.

[Raychel]

If the crossdressing is the only issue, I am sure you can come to a compromise that will be suitable for both of you.
For my wife and I there was much bigger problems. Honestly the crossdressing is not really that big of a deal. Believe it or not.
If there are no other issues, this can be overcome. Compromises can be made and there can be years of good living to come.

Try the therapy for sure. Hopefully the therapist is well versed in crossdressing and all facets of marriage and compromise.

[DianeT]

Traci, you didn't tell us why your wife wants you in therapy. The fact alone that you crossdress isn't justification for therapy.

[Stephanie47]

IMHO, the "tooth paste is out of the tube" and it isn't going back in. Does anyone really expect the revelation that hubby likes or needs to wear woman's clothing will disappear with therapy? I do not fault a woman for really questioning her husband when cross dressing is sprung on her. My understanding of therapy is commence with individual sessions and go on to joint sessions. What's the problem? What's the solution? A wife needs a third party to explain what hubby may be about. And, what it is not about. Is there compromise? Or some sort of acceptance?

I've been going to individual therapy and group therapy for war related PTSD for 15 years. It gives me insight as to what is making me tick and react to the world. I learned skills. While, this is totally different than therapy as it may relate to cross dressing, individual therapy will only go so far. Too many times a wife seems to expect a "cure."

[Traci H]

Crossdressing is an evil addiction that with the proper drugs and electro-shock applications of 480 volts can be eliminated.

I suspect this is what my wife believes or hopes for. She wants me to go, so I am going. I am taking the first step in an effort to show my willingness to save the marriage. I will see what happens as we progress. Fingers crossed. A road I have never traveled before, and if there is a map, I do not have it yet.

[JesseVF]

Traci - my wife and I agreed we would see separate therapists very soon after I came out to her. Very helpful to both of us. She stopped after we moved to another state but I have continued. Maybe your wife would consider seeing someone on her own instead of you waiting to see if jointly will happen?

[Aka_Donna]

Crossdressing is an evil addiction that with the proper drugs and electro-shock applications of 480 volts can be eliminated.

Under NO circumstances agree to ECT. It is not therapy and leaves permanent disability from burned brain cells. I have seen results working on psych ward. No, no, no.

[DianeT]

Crossdressing is an evil addiction that with the proper drugs and electro-shock applications of 480 volts can be eliminated.

I suspect this is what my wife believes or hopes for.

I suggest you ask her why she wants you to go. Do not make assumptions, talk with her. There is no way you can fix something if you don't know what it is.

[Traci H]

I was just joking about the electro shock therapy. I jokingly mentioned it to one therapist and his immediate response was I think that?s illegal. Sorry if I made some think this was an option.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I thought the electro-shock comment was funny, why would anyone take that seriously? What's wrong with people?

I knew a gal who was forced to go to AA meetings because others thought she was an alcoholic. Her well-meaning friends didn't go with her and the meetings did nothing for her because she didn't think she had a problem. I suspect the same goes for therapy.

[Brynna M]

Go into therapy with an open mind. If you don't want to be there and participate in good faith then definitely nothing good will come of it. Now with that said if your wife has specific things she wants you to fix in therapy she needs to show up and be part of the discussion. Therapy is not made to order personality modification where she can send you to with a shopping list.

[Elizabeth G]

When I was in the process of divorcing my first wife she suggested therapy. I initially objected, but eventually relented and attended. This was an eye opening experience for me. Without getting into details, let me just say that the experience gave me a much more open minded and appreciative view of the profession.

When my now wife learned of my crossdressing (again, I won't get into details, just pm me if you really want to know) I was the one to suggest therapy and thankfully she agreed to join me in that venture. I am absolutely certain that therapy has strengthened, if not, saved our marriage. We continue the therapy process to this day. Not because of my gender issues or other conflict, but just as a neutral forum to discuss anything and everything going on in our lives.

I firmly believe that, in my personal experience, joint therapy is an invaluable option.

[Aka_Donna]

I was just joking about the electro shock therapy. I jokingly mentioned it to one therapist and his immediate response was I think that?s illegal. Sorry if I made some think this was an option.

Got it, but sensitive because sister was forced into ECT and lost so much from that experience. Unfortunately it is still allowed as a "legitimate" treatment by medical institutions.