"Feeling gendered"

[audreyinalbany]

a recent thread about role reversal ("what if your wife dressed and acted like a man") got me thinking....we've been married for over 40 years now and my wife recently asked me if, when I dressed, I 'feel like a woman". I told her I don't know what it means to 'feel like a woman,' but I also don't know what it feels like to 'feel like a man.' I just feel/act the way I feel and act. Wearing jeans and working on the car doesn't make me 'feel like a man' any more than wearing panty hose and cooking dinner make me 'feel like a woman'.
Neither of us seems to have stereotypical 'Male and female' behaviors. We get up in the morning, hug and kiss, and talk. we ask about plans for the day or whatever else is on our minds. Then we go about our days, doing some work, some shopping, watch some TV, whatever. I don't see our day by day or minute by minute behaviors or actions being particularly gendered.
So can someone tell me what your version of 'feeling like a woman' means? I'll admit that for a long time dressing in women's clothing felt 'naughty' or 'forbidden' but as time has gone by it just kind of feels like what I choose to wear/present as on any given day.
Full disclosure: She acknowledges my crossdressing but doesn't want to see it or participate. I guess in some respects I'm just trying to understand why it's such a big deal

[April Rose]

After dealing with the issue for almost all of my seventy five years I have to admit that I don't really have that strong a perception of the difference.

Is it just the habitual behavior of the majority, or is it me?

Am I really transgender, or just eccentric?

I prefer to think i'm just more "enlightened.":

[docrobbysherry]

I identified as trans long ago. Now, I realize I'm more on the CD spectrum.

But, no matter how I'm dressed or what I'm doing I feel like ME! Who or whatever that is?

[Stephanie47]

Saying to a wife you want to get in touch with your "feminine side" may be like walking on a landmine. I said that ONCE and I got both barrels of the shotgun; "When you can have a baby, tell me about your feminine side!" Ouch! I finally had to say the truth, "I do not know, why I do, what I do!" There is no logical reason why I would want to emulate a woman when it is hazardous to one's relationships." I will agree I do not know "how a woman feels." Or a man, although I do have all the genitalia of a man. I have done what society says a man should do, and, some extent a lot more than the vast majority of males have been called to do. Think, infantryman in Vietnam who was wounded twice. You'd think that would be the ultimate "man card" to justify wearing women's clothing. It's not.

I do not own a single pair of female jeans, shorts, and the like. It's strictly dresses and slip, heels and hosiery and all the proper undergarments. None of that female co-opted male clothes. Yes, the women in my family have and do wear men's clothing. My granddaughter has asked and given some of my flannel shirts...warmth and affordability (cheap). My daughter has worn male shows for comfort. Granddaughter buys young men's skinny jeans at thrift stores; skinny butt she is. Since the advent of cell phone, designers have decided to add pockets to women's clothing. None of the women are wearing any male clothes because they need o express their "male side." A former PTSD counselor for war related PTSD is of the opinion that each man and woman has some dna of the opposite sex within their dna profile, in some, it is more than others. I think that makes sense. When internal or external factors arise I believe, at least in me, there is some mental trigger that adjusts to the situation.

[kimdl93]

Honestly, I have no idea whether a woman feels different than a man does. I have functioned as a male for more decades than I care to remember. I would guess that some/most of my behaviors and attitudes would be typical for a male, while a few mannerisms and attitudes might be construed as feminine, but I am conscious of neither in the moment.

But then, maybe my ex was right when she described me as the least self-aware person she had ever known.

[Cheryl T]

I think you have it.
We can't know what it feels like to be either a woman or a man. We can only know what it feels like to be the person we are.
All of us are individuals trapped on an island, alone. We only have access to the experience and feeling of one person, not a gender, nor a group. We can' know what anyone else truly thinks, or feels.

[Bea_]

Years before even thinking about wearing anything femme, my son and I were talking about things and I admitted to him that I had never really felt masculine. Not feminine, but just not masculine. I guess he had time to think about it and, a year or so later, he told me "You're the best man I've ever seen". It felt awesome to get that response even if it didn't make me feel more masculine. It made me feel like enough. I'd apparently done alright.

I've been to see two different female therapists and told both of them through the sessions that I had no idea what a woman feels like. There's lots of 'women' things I have no interest in. Cycles, pregnancy, girl talk, etc... Count me out. I just like the aesthetics...

[Maria 60]

I will only speak for myself growing up in a European house hold where a father teaches his sons we don't do dishes and wash clothes and especially cook. The man goes to work and makes the money, and the dirtier the deed the more man he is. I am far from following his advice because I do wash the dishes and I love to cook I won't lie I do my own laundry. But growing up in that environment when I am cooking and remembering my mother in the kitchen in her beautiful skirts and with her little famine poses I have to admit I feel like iam doing a femmine thing. My wife has commented more then once that when im cooking dressed I stand in a different position of do things and movement different then when I'm not dressed. I don't know what a women feels like but for my wife to say that I guess I have a childhood sense of how a women acts or different way of doing things. It's funny because at times when I'm doing something my wife will ask me to get dressed up telling me I'm more patient and focused and give things more of a women's touch when I'm dressed. That's got to mean something?

[MsEva]

What wonderful replies to this thread. They are so insightful and heartfelt. I too can only know how I feel. I guess I am a blend of both male and female psyches. I love to help with all chores around the house whether they be what some would consider the female roles (cleaning, cooking, laundry) and the male roles (fixing things that break and home improvements, lawn care and the like). It is who I am. I love being a father and grand father and accept that is who I am.

[Lorna]

This is a topic that's been aired a few times. My own view is that I would never know what women "feel like" or how it feels to be one. What I do know is how women's clothes feel: that's quite different. It's a reason why i have no interest in wearing jeans or tops sold as "women's clothes" because they would feel very similar to equivalent items sold as men's. However, there's no doubt that a skirt - any skirt - or a dress - any dress - feels very different from anything I would normally wear as a man. Take, for example, a simple, light summer dress. Even with just a bra and panties underneath the featherweight softness of the dress material makes it feel almost as if there's nothing there. Wear a similar dress or a skirt and top with a long-line bra, slip and stockings it feels completely different again and equally unlike anything in my male wardrobe. So, that's why cross dressing, for me anyway, offers a chance to feel something of how a woman feels in such clothes, but not what it's like to be a woman.

[alwayshave]

I don't know what it feels like to be a woman. I only know what it feels like to be dressed as a woman.

[Heather76]

I don't know what it feels like to be a woman, so I don't know if I feel like a woman when I'm dressed and made up. What I do know is my demeanor is a bit softer and I am a bit calmer when dressed en femme. If I were dressed 24/7, I believe I'd be the calmest lady on earth.

[Fiona_44]

Even though I've lived full time as a woman for 3+ years, I'll never really know what it is like to feel what a real woman feels. It's not possible biologically nor psychologically. Their upbringing and emotions result in them often experiencing life in a much different manner versus males. That can't be replicated.

But I suspect that many CD's and/or trans women have, like me, been very interested observers of women since a young age. Interested in how they look, act and dress. Trans women often create our own personal image based, sometimes, on decades long cases of observing females. We've used women as role models for a very long time. I know I feel feminine doing so, it's my personal sense of what being more feminine feels like to me. Luckily, I'm happy with the result. The majority of the people may or may not like it but most are fairly respectful in their dealings with you. I also live in a progressive state where people tolerate it more making it possible to have an interesting, full trans life. Very lucky to live where I do.

I like Cheryl's comment about each of us being "individuals on our own islands". We each step into the world for the first time presenting an image which is our unique interpretation of what it means to be more feminine. We're all different but it's a nice sorority to be in. I've been lucky enough to meet a lot of very nice ladies in my travels.

[Jasmine23]

I don't know what it feels like to be a man or a woman, does anyone really! I just know what it feels like to be me, and sometimes that means dressing up. Dressing up makes me feel better, more comfortable and confident in myself, plus there are so many different looks and styles compared to what men have. We all want to look and feel our best, for me that happens to be in a cute outfit in heels! I feel and look much better in girl mode than in boymode

[SaraLin]

While you can argue that no MAB can know what it feels like to be a woman, or the other way around either - isn't it also true that no PERSON can truly know how it feels to be someone else - regardless of their gender? Each and every person is unique in their own way.

Personally, I think it's a waste of time to say that because you haven't experienced A, B, or C - that this means that you can't feel a certain way.

I just know that I've always felt more "in sync" with women than with men. So does that mean that I feel like a woman, regardless of what I'm dressed in? Maybe. Maybe not. I only know that it's how *I* feel, and when I'm fully Sara, I feel more like the real me - even if I can't completely achieve the look.

So I guess I'm a bit more that "just" a CD.
It's not wearing the clothes that make me "feel like a woman."
It's more because I "feel like a woman" (at least in my own head) that makes me want to look that way too.