FTM Question - Family and Friends

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya guys

We all read about the mtf cds coming out to their family and friends and all the tears, upset and pain it causes them. I'd like to know if any of you guys have come out to your parents, family or friends, how they reacted and how you are coping with this.

If you haven't come out to any of your parents, family or friends yet, do you plan to tell them and if so, how do you plan to tell them and what reaction do you think they will have?

Please, this question is only for the female to male members to answer.

[Wren]

I'll be really anticlimatic. I'm never going to tell anyone other my SO. My mom knows I dress like a boy, but she just thinks I'm being stupid when I do it. No one else seems to care since I balance it with female clothing, people consider it part of my eccentric fashion. So I don't really feel the need to correct anyone. And then sometimes people just think I'm just a loser anime freak which is fine too. I'm also overshadowed a lot by my SO, everyone's too busy looking and caring about his crossdressing.

[RevMoonSerpent]

The first people I told were my husband and my best friend. They were both cool with it. In fact I was told that they thought of me more as a boy anyway just because of my dress and manorisms. They new before I did.
I have told my mother who said she doesn't quite understand why I do it but, if I'm happy than that's all that matters. The only advice she gave me was not to tell my father. He calls me his son anyway so I think he knows.
I've only had one bad experience so far. Someone that I conscidered a vary close friend didn't take the news that well. We never really had a lot of time to see each other face to face since he moved out of state so the topic came up while we were talking on the phone one night. I told him and his first reaction was to ask me why. After that the conversation was cut real short and I haven't heard from him since. The phone # was changed and he doesn't answer my emails so it was kind of hard.
That's pretty much it.

[Kieron Andrew]

I told my ex one sunday afternoon and she told me she already knew, my circle of friend are all TGs so of course they know and accept, ive not any plans to tell my family yet, my dad is already freaked by the fact im dating a FTM TS......although my mum accepts and likes my partner, she says its good to have girl around to talk to!

[Adam]

i told my hole family starting with my dad he told my mum who in turn dident speak to me for 2 weeks and we live in the same house lol when she did speak to me turns out she already guessed b4 dad told her she was only upset because i dident hell her myself first now shes my best freind in all this and we chat about anything anyways my mum told the rest of my family thats 4 brothers and my sister and uncles out of the hole family eveyone is ok with it although my sister is a bit standoffish i think but oh well
there was no nastyness noone got mad and nothings really changed apart from my brothers now call me brother :D

[Gabriel]

As long as I don't go too extreme on the outfit, and if so don't let them see it, then my parents are ok with it. My friends don't comment on it, but they still say "she". Oh well, if I can make my voice low enough to pass on the phone, I'll ask my friends, nicely, to use "he" in public. :p

[Fainne the King]

I've only come out to 3 people. My boyfriend doesn't like it at all, but he says he's not going to stop me from doing what I want. A friend from work, who's completely cool with it, and my best friend, who was also very accepting.
Um, I don't dress full time, and don't plan on it b/c of my boyfriend, so my parents don't need to know.

[CaptLex]

I'd like to know if any of you guys have come out to your parents, family or friends, how they reacted and how you are coping with this.

If you haven't come out to any of your parents, family or friends yet, do you plan to tell them and if so, how do you plan to tell them and what reaction do you think they will have?

I just started coming out to friends and co-workers last week and it gets a tiny bit easier with each person I tell, but it's still somewhat nerve-wracking. So far they've all been supportive and understanding, even if some of them are still shocked and confused.

Apparently, the confusion comes from some of them not understanding my sexual orientation (gay male) and not from the actual crossdressing. I didn't expect people to be so confused about that, but I guess it's going to take them some time to process it. Everyone had noticed my crossdressing, but most assumed I was a lesbian or eccentric (well, that one could be true).

As for my family, only my son and cousin know, and that's all I feel the need to tell for now. Eventually others may find out, but they can just spread the gossip amongst themselves (I'm not close to anyone else in the family).

The real test will probably be when I attend my high school reunion next year.

[Kieron Andrew]

I just started coming out to friends and co-workers last week and it gets a tiny bit easier with each person I tell, but it's still somewhat nerve-wracking. So far they've all been supportive and understanding, even if some of them are still shocked and confused.

Apparently, the confusion comes from some of them not understanding my sexual orientation (gay male) and not from the actual crossdressing. I didn't expect people to be so confused about that, but I guess it's going to take them some time to process it. Everyone had noticed my crossdressing, but most assumed I was a lesbian or eccentric (well, that one could be true).

As for my family, only my son and cousin know, and that's all I feel the need to tell for now. Eventually others may find out, but they can just spread the gossip amongst themselves (I'm not close to anyone else in the family).

The real test will probably be when I attend my high school reunion next year.

just a nosey question, how old is your son and how did he take it?

[CaptLex]

just a nosey question, how old is your son and how did he take it?

That's not nosey - I have no problem telling anyone my age or my son's age. I'm 45 and he's 25.

He took it really well, as I expected he would since he's very open-minded. He also told some of his friends, including his girlfriend, and they all pretty much said, "Oh, is that all?" I think his generation is more cool with this stuff than mine is.

Actually, it was fairly easy to tell him because he and I are big fans of Eddie Izzard, so I just told him I'm just like Eddie - except in reverse. And he got it right way. He's a man of few words so all he really said was, "Wow", followed by "Well, I always knew you weren't like anyone else's mother." :cheeky:

When I told him about transitioning, he just said he hoped it would be a gradual change so he could adjust easier. He's very supportive and I keep in informed of my therapy sessions, support group sessions and he also knows about this site. We've always been close, so I can't imagine having to keep all this from him.

[Kieron Andrew]

That's not nosey - I have no problem telling anyone my age or my son's age. I'm 45 and he's 25.

He took it really well, as I expected he would since he's very open-minded. He also told some of his friends, including his girlfriend, and they all pretty much said, "Oh, is that all?" I think his generation is more cool with this stuff than mine is.

Actually, it was fairly easy to tell him because he and I are big fans of Eddie Izzard, so I just told him I'm just like Eddie - except in reverse. And he got it right way. He's a man of few words so all he really said was, "Wow", followed by "Well, I always knew you weren't like anyone else's mother." :cheeky:

When I told him about transitioning, he just said he hoped it would be a gradual change so he could adjust easier. He's very supportive and I keep in informed of my therapy sessions, support group sessions and he also knows about this site. We've always been close, so I can't imagine having to keep all this from him.

well cool!!!.........brilliant!!!

they only one really supportive of me is my Girl friend, but the fact she is MTF helps alot i guess!

[Taylor105]

I have told two people. My best friend Craig and my other best friend Chris. They are both totally supportive. Everyone else in my life...brother, sister, birth mom, adoptive mom, friends.....all think I am a lesbian. I am waiting for the time to tell them how I really feel. I'm kinda scared. Some of them don't even except thinking I'm a lesbian. I can't imagine how to break the real news. lol Taylor

[Felix]

Wow Captlex you are sooooooooo lucky! When I came out as gay my mother dissowned me my dad thought I wanted to be a man and well my eldest son who is 16.5 hasn't talked to me for five years. Luckily I have a good relationship with my parents again and my reltionship with the other two boys is great. My middle son has been asking me alot of questions recently so I told him I have always been very much a tomboy and thats why I dress the way I do he was cool with that. I don't see the point in upsetting the apple cart the kids accept me for what they see so why worry them with stuff they don't need to know! As far as my parents go well they are old I mean 81 this year and 76. I don't see the point in upsetting them so I won't be like binding or out infront of them, it's hard enough for them to accept my relationship and stuff even after five years. My partner well she is getting used to me dressin the way I like to dress but teases and calls me a freak of nature lol she says loads you should of been a man cos my habits and stuff are very manley to her. I have started to dress infront of her family I was nervous at first cos didn't know what reaction I would get but ppl didn't even bother lol they are sooooooo used to me bein different that so what if my boobs have suddenly vanished LMAO :D Still don't dress fully in my work place cos ppl have enough issues with my sexuality as it is I really want to dress in work when my vest comes from underworks but don't think it's gonna be good so prob won't Other stuff like havin a boy name well my partner can't get her head round that one so that's not gonna happen just yet I don't think lol! Hope I haven't rambled too much

[CaptLex]

Wow Captlex you are sooooooooo lucky! When I came out as gay my mother dissowned me my dad thought I wanted to be a man and well my eldest son who is 16.5 hasn't talked to me for five years. Luckily I have a good relationship with my parents again and my reltionship with the other two boys is great.

As far as my parents go well they are old I mean 81 this year and 76. I don't see the point in upsetting them so I won't be like binding or out infront of them, it's hard enough for them to accept my relationship and stuff even after five years.

You're right, Silvawitch, as far as my son goes, I am lucky. I'm also fortunate to have understanding friends and co-workers, but when it comes to the rest of my family, it's a different story.

My mom will be 80 this year and I've gone back and forth between whether to tell her or not. She's ill and I'm her caregiver, so I have to be around her a lot (when I'm not working). The problem is that since I live with her, as I continue transitioning she'll notice changes and I think it's better if I just come right out and let her know what will be happening. On the other hand, I know she won't understand it and won't accept it. Also, our relationship is strained and difficult to begin with and I know this subject would just make the gap between us larger.

She's already noticed some changes, so she assumes I'm a lesbian and isn't happy about it, so if she knew the real truth she would have an even bigger problem with it. I feel like I'm in a no win situation.

I'm glad things are better for you with your family. I hope your son will come around eventually. I've seen it happen. Give him time.

[Felix]

I know what ya mean CaptLex my mum is 76 and my dad 81 this year they found it hard enough me being lesbian never mind if I told them I crossdress although it's quite subtle cos I don't like to go overboard infront of the kids it was enough for them to take on that i'm gay and that I have suddenly got a flat chest alot of the time lol so I don't go too mad!