Vanya, thank you for your post and for your honesty and openness. It sounded like what you wrote was very hard to get out and I'm glad you managed it. I'm also glad that you have found peace with what happened in your past and even better that you have found such happiness in your present and future.

Bee, yes, I think this thread illustrates what can go (horribly) wrong if you confront an SO with a truth that can wreck both of your lives. I certainly regret what has happened and I admit that I have wished that it didn't, that I could turn the clock back or promise to never CD again and other such things.

But, the right thing to do was to tell the truth. It's right in a completely logical sense and also it does feel right as well. Before I actually dropped the bombshell I posted here to say I felt that coming out with the truth would lift a weight from me, the CDing was the only one big secret I had and the thought of not having to keep this in anymore was quite uplifting.

Obviously I can't say I feel so certain anymore about the course of action I took (I *certainly*) didn't go about it the right way (see post by Kathy on this thread and loads of others on the one about "I told a downright lie" - sorry, haven't time to find link to this).

I do feel some relief though that things are now out in the open, it makes me feel a certain amount of freedom I guess, I certainly no longer have to worry about the secret itself since that no longer exists.

However, as people have said before, it is ultimately up to you how you handle your life the the choice of telling the truth or living in the closet is up to you and you alone. There isn't really a right and wrong when it comes down to it.

Vicky, thank you for that information regarding the arena theory, some of it certainly seems to ring true with my situation, my wife did mention other things that had bothered her about me as well last night. I had to stop and ask why we were talking about this, it was almost as if we just kept switching to different arguments.

Anyway, must go, flying to India soon!

Thank you all