double standards???

[Georgina]

The double standard exists. Men's clothes are for everyone and women's clothes are for women. Men's clothes are normally referred to as clothes but skirts and dresses are always ladies or womens. When a woman wears pants they are not referred to as men's pants just pants. If a man wears a skirt it's always called a womans skirt. Therein lies the problem. I believe we have no chance of being accepted in dresses until they become less associated with women. I delight in reading about women who won't wear dresses and hose because if all women were to wear pants it may become easier for men to wear dresses. Since I can't see this happening in the near future it may be a long time before men can wear what they wish. As I see it women only have a right to wear what they want if men have the same choices. Georgina.

[Ronda_B]

My wife and daughter will wear my large t-shirts as night gowns and think nothing of it, but catch me wearing a lounger in the same house is a no-no. My daughter doesn't know yet and I'm happy she doesn't. My wife thinks it's a turn on to see me dressed so that she can undress me but me undress he isn't. Why? I got caught wearing womens Nikes at the mall once and the clerk said in front of the whole store "nice womens shoes, sir" My responce was "no wonder they were so cheap on ebay, but I just love the color, and heck I always wear size 14 shoes", not.

Alice

[swiss_susan]

Lets face in this world there a standards, hundreds and thousands of them. At the end of the day you have to either live with them or challenge them.

But please for god's sake stop whining about them.

Yes as a man someone, including your wife spouse may not approve of your skirt, while in totally unfair fashion she gets to wear pants,

Live with it. I am sorry but the world works the way it work either deal with it or change it!

Susan

[Tree GG]

There seems to be alot of anger & resentment (at least bitterness) unearthed here. Good therapy.

There are many people who appear open minded, but if a situation invades their air space (I define as a 12" bubble around them) they will instantly become territorial & defensive. Could it be as simple as Paul coming so close to a dream becoming reality, and the SO realizing all her perceptions of their relationship will change, that they (hopefully) temporarily pull apart. If you're startled in the dark by a cute, fuzzy bunny you still recoil momentarily until you've identified what you're dealing with.

Careful labelling courtesy & respect as controlling. No one needs another's permission to wear certain clothing, but if you're in a committed relationship (sharing the same home) it is just common courtesy to inform them of changes and activities. You definitely should choose your own path, but at least be considerate of your SO's opinion and let them choose whether to join the journey or not. And from Paul's description, she's definitely not ready to join.

Tree

[CaptLex]

Lets face in this world there a standards, hundreds and thousands of them. At the end of the day you have to either live with them or challenge them.

Live with it. I am sorry but the world works the way it work either deal with it or change it!

Yes, thank you. I'm tired of all the "Boo-hoo, wah, wah, oh poor me, life is unfair, she can wear what she wants and I can't" whining.

[JenGurl]

I think the bottom like here is that your spouse should not deny you of who you are. If cd'ing is part of who you are that should not be denied to you. In the long term I don't think its healthy to oppress your ideals, way of life just so your spouse won't get p*ssed. What kind of life would that be not being able to do what you want?

[Tina Dixon]

Wow this thread has really taken off hasn't it , Don't know jeans and t-shirts to me are made for each gender just that our bodies are so different, now put a woman in a mans suit and tie and well, it just don't look right, kind of a man in a dress to me, but the issue here is the girl friend, seems like she don't want nothing to do with your dressing, so what are you going to do? Do you love her enough to give up your dressing? Or move on with life so that you can live with dressing, the choice is yours to make, you know where she stands can you live with that?

[JenGurl]

The question should also be does she love you enough to make your own choices in clothing? Why does it always have to be do I love my wife/gf not to dress?? What about does she love you enough not to mind how you dress??

Do you love her enough to give up your dressing? Or move on with life so that you can live with dressing, the choice is yours to make, you know where she stands can you live with that?

[Sandra]

What about does she love you enough not to mind how you dress??

:Angry3: You really have no idea. A GG loves her hubby/partner gives it her all, and then the bombshell is dropped she has to take it all in and try to understand can she accept it, what happens next. Some GGs love enough to work at it others love enough but just can't cope with it nothing wrong with that.

I guess in your perfect world all GGs should just let their SOs get on with it no matter what.

[Diane Paris]

Paul: Your SO's mandates don't sound like a basis for a relationship. I would not pass up the opportunity for meaningful communication and compromise, but if she does not want to deal with it, end it and move on.

Diane

[nishababe]

As normal the same old aggressive reply's from the same certain G.G women !!
You just dont understand our feelings do you ?

As well as being allowed to be a lot more free and easy in their emotions and reactions to their own sex , Women have the freedom to wear what they like .

As someone previous said in a very good quote ,

''Mens clothes belong to everyone ,but womens clothes only belong to women ''

Well that is brilliant logic ,I have never thought of that before .

Well for a start ,I like wearing stockings and tights for the feel ,comfort and warmth in the cold winter ,not to pass as a woman ,so is that allowed in the rules ?

I dont wear womens clothes to pass ,I just like the feel and look .
It makes me feel nice inside ,its a change ,something different .

We men have such boring styles and choice thats its nice to walk on the ''wild side'' and experience looking different and feeling nice sexy womens clothes and styles ,why not ,whats the problem ?

As I say us men are in such rigid straightjackets as to what we can and cant do ,so we all need some form of mental escapism .

Wouldnt it be wonderfull if the women with such rigid views were suddenly put in our situation ,eg put into mens bodys but enjoying their feminine side ,I think it would make them more understanding of c/d mens lives and the dilema of it all .

As the saying goes

'' You cannot understand where a person is coming from untill you have been in their own shoes ''

Love Nishababe

[Calliope]

Probably I'm way off base but I do wonder:

Might it be a convenient way to keep oneself in the closet by having an unsupportive SO? Y'know - let her wishes 'just happen' to control the situation? Y'know - 'I gotta think about her, too [whew! that was close - off the hook again].'

[trannie T]

The old double standard issue surfaces again.
There are two rules about gender and clothing.

1. Men are expected to wear clothing designated for the male gender.
2. Women can wear damn near anything they want.

Those are the rules, there isn't much we can do about them.

[tekla west]

Of all the double standards in life this is not at the top of the list. I'm sure there are other double standards that you have taken advantage of at one time or another, I know I sure have, pushed them to the limit at times.

And yes, its all so easy to blame the little women for it all. Boo hoo. Seems to me that most of that begins with not being honest from the start. You dug that hole and put yourself in it, little bit late to complain that now that's its raining you're getting wet. Its not like any of this was some obscure arcane knowledge hidden away from view and only obtainable by some painful initiation right.

What a wicked web we weave
when first we practice to deceive
Spinning out a house of make-believe
We’re like a serpent on the ear of Eve

(Don Chaffer and Lori Chaffer by way of Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17)

Besides taboos are made to be broken, so shatter them. Its amazing what you can get away with if you try. Most of the bars in our life are things we put there, you can get rid of them whenever you want. If you can't live your life they way you want to, move. If the people around you are holding you back, get rid of them and find new ones. There are a few billion people in the world, find the next bunch. If the old ones are all that uptight, its not like you will miss them.

Don't like what one girl said. Find the next one. Its not like they are all that special, they are half of the population - maybe even a bit more. So find the next one. Don't like one persons advice, read the next bit till something fits and works for you. And never listen to anyone who is not where you are. If you are having trouble with your home wireing you don't talk with the guy who delivers the bottled water, you talk to the electrician.

The best service that these boards, and all such web sites can off is not what you see here, but what you don't. When people reach out and being to correspond with each other one on one. Or do Yahoo together. Or, best yet, find each other in real life, sit down and talk. People who are transgendered need to talk to others like them. The best advice will come from them. Its called support and its different from advice and its sure different than preaching or pontificating. Those things may well have a place. But they are no substitute for talking with people who really do, and truly do know what you are going through. Find them in real life.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.-- Mark Twain

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward." -- Amelia Earhart

[nishababe]

You know its a funny thing when you talk about the double standards between men and women .

When I used to go to over thirty nights for disco's I used to laugh at all the double standards as well .

The sign used to be up '' No jeans allowed '' well you would ''never'' believe it
Hmmmmm guess what as the evening passed there would be lots of girls in ................. yes you guessed it all types of ........ JEANS !!

And so it would go on ,we had to wear suits and ties ,hard work in the hot summer and you were not allowed to take your jacket or tie off and suprise ,surprise the girls would be allowed to wear anything they liked ,next to nothing if it got tooooooooo hot !! again anything goes for the girls ,nothing said !!

In some places we had to bring our birth certificates to prove that we were old enough to get in ,eg depending on the night 25 ,30 etc but again surprise ,surprise Girls aged 15, 16 upwards no problem .

I remember in the mid 1980s there was a very hot summer in uk and the taxi drivers in Liverpool went on strike because they were not allowed to wear shorts in their cabs ,but the lady drivers could wear mini skirts !!
Well you may guess what happened next .... the taxi drivers said ok if its not allowed to wear shorts but ok to wear mini skirts thats what we will wear ,its too hot to wear heavy trousers ,so they did !!

The Council gave in and the men were allowed to wear shorts ,this is a true story !!

The same hot year the guys were also banned from wearing shorts in the my works canteen ,but again women could wear shorts,skirts whatever .

It all gets back to ..................DOUBLE STANDARDS !!

Nishababe

[Satrana]

Well for a start ,I like wearing stockings and tights for the feel ,comfort and warmth in the cold winter ,not to pass as a woman ,so is that allowed in the rules ?

No, when a man wears any feminine clothing for comfort or for fashion preference, he is still a crossdresser. Why? Because he is a man not a woman. Simple logic.:p

[Tamara Croft]

As this thread is going off topic (no actual advice for the thread starter) I'm closing it.