In her shoes. In his shoes.

[Annaliese]

Sophia, the guy is a jurk. I see no problem in having a little fun.


Anna

[Sophia Rearen]

Sophia,

If you are going to come out about your crossdressing to people, you have to expect some negative reactions. You said your GG friend knows about your dressing, so it is pretty much a given that her husband knows everything she knows about it as well. You provoked comment on his part by parading around in front of him in his own wife's shoes. To make matters worse, when he kept making comments, you started to become defensive instead of just laughing it off. If you had responded to his comment about you being a crossdressing contractor with a laugh and an "I guess I am, so what?", that would have taken the wind out of his sails. He knew his comments were getting to you and exploited that. Yes, his behavior was a bit over the line, but it was also over the line for you to be trying on his wife's shoes and wearing them in his house.

My advice is to let him make the next move. If he is really a friend, he will eventually apologize for his behavior on his own. If not, just avoid contact with him. If he makes further comments, just let him know that no matter what he says, it won't bother you.

Phoebe,
I agree with you. I normally can laugh it off or laugh at myself.

My fault, I probably wasn't clear enough. The defensiveness was minimal just to shut him down. We didn't think this was the time or place for his comments. Too many children were there. Was it over the line for me to wear his wifes shoes in his house? I don't know. I didn't ask her to get them, she told me she was going to go get them. And, just before she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, I could see a broad smile on her face. So, who was more into it? Who was crossing the line?

[Sophia Rearen]

Crossdressing resides at a very funky intersection of human existence. We have machismo and we have womanliness (don't know the corresponding Spanish word), we have men who are more like women and women who are more like men. All that is pretty clear because you are either attracted to the oposite sex or the same sex. However, crossdressers represent a whole spectrum of people and attractions. I think people have a difficult time dealing with us they don't know where we fit. I think this is what makes it easy to attempt to dismiss all of us as gay. So, that's one point: it's not obvious to people who we are and where we stand. The other thing is this: remember the line from Shakespeare "Me thinks he doth protesteth too much.". Your doing a bit of veiled crossdressing (crossshoeing?) seems to have struck a nerve. Perhaps if he pointed a finger at you, no one would ever question him. Whatever it is, he feels that he must keep the attention on you rather than himself. Maybe his wife got him to wear a Baby Doll to bed once and he's never gotten over it. Who knows?

Flatlander,
The husband and wife know exactly where my sexuality lies. They know I am completely heterosexual and faithful to my wife.
I think this guy would rather the attention on him and not me as much.
Maybe his wife wanted him to wear a baby doll and he couldn't bring himself to do it? Perhaps there is resentment?

[Sophia Rearen]

Maybe, maybe not. I think the other guy's reactions are understandable, given the context. He was obviously uncomfortable about Sophia wearing his wife's shoes, and I daresay this whole CDing business is something he hasn't had to think about much before now. It's possible that he may eventually reach a point of acceptance & understanding, unless he's some kind of stereotypical macho man.



Your figures are about 34 years out of date, Sarah. Today, the population is over 6,647,662,000, according to the World Population website.

Robin

Robin,
I did think he was cool with it before these turn of events. I thought there was some acceptance and understanding. I guess I thought wrong. Or perhaps I hit too close to home.

[MsEva]

Live and learn with this one Sophia, he seems like a total jerk. If he and others already knew, why would this idiot make such a fuss? Was he drinking and beligerant?:Angry3:

[ophillia]

Changing the tone a little, we have friends down the street and his wife wears the same size shoes as me. When we visit them or they come to our place we're always trying on the new shoe in the collection. We also borrow one anothers shoes from time to time. He is not a cd but doesn't mind at all.

[Sophia Rearen]

Live and learn with this one Sophia, he seems like a total jerk. If he and others already knew, why would this idiot make such a fuss? Was he drinking and beligerant?:Angry3:

Eva,
I am living and learning with this and that is why I am sharing with everyone.
Why would he make such a fuss? I don't know. Thats a good question. Normally, yes, he would be drinking. He had just gotten started on a couple beers. So, I would say he was not being a drunken beligerant. The comments started before the first drink. When I was in her shoes, he was well on the way to a good buzz.

[Sophia Rearen]

Changing the tone a little, we have friends down the street and his wife wears the same size shoes as me. When we visit them or they come to our place we're always trying on the new shoe in the collection. We also borrow one anothers shoes from time to time. He is not a cd but doesn't mind at all.

Ophillia,
There you go. That's very cool.

[MsEva]

Well at any rate, I am sorry for your troubles. I hope things work out.

[Sophia Rearen]

To the rest of you girls who responded, thanks. Maybe I am a bad girl? But I am also a good girl.
Thus far, the consenses is he is a jerk and I maybe should kick his a** while either enfemme or endrab. You're probably right, he is a bit of a jerk.
Funny thing, they want to come and see me at an annual event where I dress enfemme. Last year do to their behaviors, I never told them the date. This year, unfortunately, I guess I'll have to do the same.
You know, I really never considered him a friend until this year. Makes you wonder about who your friends are.
One thing I do know is that one of my oldest friends, and I would guess I would call my best friend who has seen me enfemme and come out to unconditionally support me at last years annual event, needs a friend. I was just informed through my wife that his wife called to say his father had passed away on Saturday. She is concerned about his strange behavior. He has yet to call me. As a friend, I'll make sure, that I make the call.
Additional thoughts are welcome.

[Robin Leigh]

Robin,
I did think he was cool with it before these turn of events. I thought there was some acceptance and understanding. I guess I thought wrong. Or perhaps I hit too close to home.

There's a possibility that he was feeling a bit jealous, Sophie. Your wearing his wife's shoes could be interpreted as flirtatious.

But there's also the possibility that he's a bit of a control freak & power junkie, in other words, his primary satisfaction in life comes from having power over people. If this is so, be very careful. Such people are always on the lookout for anything they can use to advantage over others. The fact that he made his comments when children were present, and continued despite the protests of other adults is a bad sign. He may have seemed accepting before, but this may have been a ruse to get you off-guard so he could find out more about your activities.

When I wrote my earlier post in this thread I had the impression that he'd only just found out about your CDing & that this was all new to him. The fact that he's known for a while and seemed cool with it before changes things quite a bit.

Let's hope he's just jealous, in one way or another. Control freaks can be hard to get away from...



Robin

PS. They are nice shoes, BTW.

[eleyna]

Additional thoughts are welcome.

Take a moment to think about how many discussions we have here about getting SOs to understand us. Think about all the posts we have about getting other folks to understand we are just folks who's eyes are just naturally drawn to the ladies isle when we walk into a store.

Then factor in how many other types of CD there are and how many aspects to it there are.

This guy had probably established a degree of definition for you that he was so-so comfortable with. But his wife sounds like a bit of a tease; that coupled with the introduction of swapping clothing probably threw his 'box' for you into question. I'm guessing that there was some new talk/flirt/glances from his SO that looked like flirting, and some uneasy looks from your SO that made him feel there was "something else" going on.

That is a lot to take on board. A lot of new connections to resolve and sort out. Heck he may even have wondered if this was going to make his SO want him to try dressing up.

Maybe I'm just strange, but I can imagine his unease. He'd probably made an assumption that you were "zero threat" with his SO, and he found himself suddenly uncertain about that.

So yeah, he acted like a jerk. But - like his SO - you've got to give people time to understand things and accept them. It sounds like the guy already feels he's walking on eggshells with his SO. Could it be that he thinks/knows something more than 'work' went on between her and the previous CD?

Re-reading your post/replies again what I take from it again is that he sounds like he was feeding off your SOs unease and the fact that you and *his* SO seemed to be doing <something>. Sounds like he was uncomfortable enough that he couldn't see you as "another woman" swapping shoes. He saw a guy, with some kinky fetish thing he doesn't understand, exchanging clothing with his SO. It's just not something you expect a husband to understand straight off.

I know I've been pretty jealous when my gf has worn another guys tshirt or jacket. Shoes might seem completely different but you gotta admit there are a lot of variables that are unresolved for a straight, non-cd guy who maybe doesn't have a whole lot of interest/understanding in crossdressers?

[fionasboots]

To the rest of you girls who responded, thanks. Maybe I am a bad girl? But I am also a good girl.
Thus far, the consenses is he is a jerk and I maybe should kick his a** while either enfemme or endrab. You're probably right, he is a bit of a jerk.

Well he probably is out of line to go on in front of kids and the neighbours, but I'm not sure I would go as far as to say he's a jerk completely. Jealous certainly and I can sort of see why.

It does seem a strange thing to do to get you to walk around in this guy's wife's shoes? Trying them on maybe but then wandering around in them seems a bit over the top. Not bad as such, they are only shoes after all, but it just seems like too much for a simple bit of fun.

I guess the guy could feel quite threatened by this, it seems to me that wearing someone elses clothes or shoes is kind of intimate in some way.

I think maybe you should ring him and just try and clear the air, just explain that really it was meant to be a bit of fun, he did go over the top, but that you didn't realise this had upset him so much.

Funny thing, they want to come and see me at an annual event where I dress enfemme. Last year do to their behaviors, I never told them the date. This year, unfortunately, I guess I'll have to do the same.

Well, I don't know, I'd be inclined to see how phoning the guy goes before avoiding them coming to this event. It would also be worth finding out what the guys problem really is; CDing, you, you in his wifes shoes!

You know, I really never considered him a friend until this year. Makes you wonder about who your friends are.

Did he consider you a friend also?
Maybe he feels you've gone too far as a friend?

I really don't know since I'm not in the situation where a great many people know about me so I'm not sure how people are meant to react in an environment where things are out in the open, I would have expected the lines to be drawn pretty early on and for this guys wife to come round to the idea of CDing in such a dramatic way seems odd.

I suppose also I'm trying to think of why this guy reacted this way and to try and understand and compensate - as others have argued (quite succinctly with the label 'jerk') with so many friends you already have he may not be worth the effort?

One thing I do know is that one of my oldest friends, and I would guess I would call my best friend who has seen me enfemme and come out to unconditionally support me at last years annual event, needs a friend. I was just informed through my wife that his wife called to say his father had passed away on Saturday. She is concerned about his strange behavior. He has yet to call me. As a friend, I'll make sure, that I make the call.
Additional thoughts are welcome.

Obviously I'm sure this would be a priority, a friend in need and all that.

What is strange about this friends behavior?

BTW, what is this annual event anyway? Any particular reason why you get to dress en femme (oooh, you are lucky you know )

[Shiny]

Hi Sophia!

I often enjoy your comments here and feel bad at what happened to you. But that's the chance we all take especially when we decide to come out. It's like being a little "pregnant." Many here are in the closet and for good reason and you other folks are taking your chances to do your thing but I have to say that guy was out of line.

I have my soft and feminine side but, I don't get "out" as they say. I am still a 220 lb ex-marine with an attitude that is not at all girlish. My solution?:

I'd punch the guy out!!

[KateLongman27]

This guy could be looking for trouble either that or you kind of crossed some invisible line had drawn up.

Or on the funny side it could be a case of CD-Envy of you, trying on the shoes of his wife!

[GG Vanya]

Much has been going on recently in regards to shoes. About two weeks ago a GG friend of ours said to me, "you have dainty feet, what size womens shoes do you wear?" She now knows I enjoy to dress, however, when I shared my first public outing experience with her, she was not receptive to it, at all. This surprised me because as a post college graduate she worked with was a crossdresser, she went clubbing regularly with thiscrossdressed coworker.

The following day, my wife, finally, was able to wear her jeans that we bought about 3 months ago. Since, she needed a heel to keep them from dragging the ground, I offered her, mine. Most of my heels are 3". She tried them all but, they were too large for her. There was no way she would be able to walk in the 4" so, we didn't even try them. She finally settled on a pair of her 2" heels. I was glad to have helped, but, I sure wish she wore a pair of mine. What a thrill that would have been. Oh well, the fitting was a fantastic experience. So, now she has tried on my shoes and my dresses. Now, to just gret her to wear one of them.

Last week, our GG friend, again, commented about my feminine feet and asked me to see if I could fit into her shoes. She slipped off her sandles and I removed mine. Hers were a size 8.5 and I normally wear a 9-10. So, I fit them, but my heel extended over the back of the shoe. Didn't matter, I was going to wear them. They were a very cute black sandle with a 1" heel. I wore them the rest of the night in front of my wife, kids, my friend and her husband and a neighbor couple. She wore my Tommy Bahamas. Sure, I was teased a little but I enjoyed the experience. She was not teased, of course, about wearing mine. Our GG friend asked my wife if she didn't like this, and my wife replied that she did not. Our friend said to me though, "I love it". "I have some more for you to try", she added.

Sophia,

I have to wonder why it didn't stop at this point? Obviously your wife was uncomfortable with it, and the other GG was somewhat rubbing her nose in it, in my opinion.


Two nights ago, we were at our friends house. As she had previously promised, she said she had some shoes for me to try on. The first pair of sandals weren't even close. The second, I was able to fit. Here is the picture of them as I wore them the following morning. I wore them the rest of the night, except in the hot tub. I wore them home as well.

Again, you already knew your wife was not comfortable with this, yet you not only wore them for an extended time, but you wore another woman's shoes HOME???

The next morning her husband left me a voice mail that his wife wanted her shoes back.

Did you not wonder why the husband, instead of the wife, called for the shoes to be returned? What was his tone of voice? Surely you sensed a level of discomfort on the man's part at this time?

Later, that eveing they came to our house and he was unrelenting in his comments about me in the shoes. He made a comment almost immediately. Then, a different neighbor and their 12 year old daughter were told by him about my night in heels. His wife and my wife told him to stop it. He did not. He, again, said something just before we ate and I told him he was out of control. And, the worst was at dinner, there were 3 adult couples and my 11 year old daughter, the 12 year old neighbor and her sisters, one 14 and the other 17. He made some comment about me being a crossdressing contractor. His wife, quickly replied with, "that's enough". And we agreed.

So, now a day later, I guess I need to give him a call and tell him his behavior was uncalled for. I wonder if his jabs at me were a way of making him feel better about himself? Making him feel like more of a man than me. Or, is it jealousy out of the bond a rapport I am having with his wife?

Don't be surprised Sophia, if he tells you your behavior, in wearing his wife's shoes, was uncalled for. I have no problem imagining how Trudi would feel if another CD was a guest in our home, and wore MY shoes all evening, and then home. Suffice it to say, he wouldn't get out the door with 'em on.

And so it goes, the life of a crossdressing contractor. One heel forward, one heel back.
Thoughts please.

I think more than one line was crossed. Granted, his wife was totally ignoring his feelings in the matter, but didn't you realize it was a tad over the line?

Yes, his remarks were over the line, especially in front of the children. However, if you *do* decide to call him, be prepared for more remarks, and most likely a few expletives.

In your shoes (no pun intended) I think I'd send him an email of apology and see what developes from that point. Hopefully he'll reciprocate in kind.

[flatlander_48]

I think it is important to remember that there is a difference between Understanding and Internalizing. There are many things that people "know", but really don't have the concepts internalized. Until knowledge is internalized, it can be easily shaken and opinions changed. I think this is how backlash comes about as people feel that they must defend their thinking and opinions.

At this point in time, crossdressing is outside of the mainstream and challenges how people think about sexuality, gender, masculinity and femininity. Actually, I suspect most people don't really understand the difference between sexuality and gender. This community certainly does. Whether we want to or not, these concepts are always before us as we try to sort out or lives.

Try as we might, certain stereotypes have not been shaken enough to get people to not jump to conclusions. For example, how would a significant number of people complete these statements:

If you are a male football player, you must be ____
If you are a female football player, you must be ____
If you are a male flight attendant, you must be ____
If you are a female auto mechanic, you must be ____

Crossdressing falls into a real grey area as people readily jump to the gay stereotype, regardless of the current information that they have. Evidently it is often not enough information to sway the balance or at least to not jump to the erroneous conclusion as a first thought. We Hu-Mans (spoken with a Ferengi accent) are strange creatures as change can come in some very unusual ways. It can take years and years and possibly never or it can happen in a heartbeat due to a moment of insight. We just never know, but it is interesting how people can continue to define us completely by one facet of our lives and forget everything else they know about us.

[SherriePall]

Sophia -- Jumping into this again a little bit late. Read all posts since I initially posted. You said that his wife smiled when she went for the shoes? Now it sounds like she might have been trying to make him jealous or trying to get even with him for some reason. If that is the case, my advice still stands -- even more so -- stay away!