What I would give to yurn the clock back! I have been in the closet for over 25 years! The reasons of course are what the impact would have on my family, work and friends! When I first knew I was not only interested in wearing feminine clothes but I knew at age 20 I had to have real breasts! If I would have been focused on who I was at the time rather than a young man who had little positive direction and was a musician who wanted to shag every night, or party! Always though I wanted to be feminine! I wanted and still want to be a transsexual! I have never had relations with a male because I have always been attracted to females. To this day and I am in my early 50s, I want real breasts! The damage that is done by being in the closet for so long is monumental! my current wife of 6 years doesn't mind my dressing up, she even knows of my desires to want real breasts! She also knows and fears the impact it would have! I mentioned to her that I want to shave off my beard. She hated the idea! She says it makes my face look heavier and i am getting jowels. I want so bad to start practicing makeup techniques and I cannot! I mentioned the possibility of getting feminine facial surgery and that was a huge no no! the one that means she would leave me or divorce me! On good terms though! Gee that makes me feel better! If at 20 I began dressing and started a hormone regimen, I would not have to be writing this and I probably would not have high blood pressure, or have to take anti depressants! I hate the way my life is but I have no support and I am controlled by my fears of being ridicules and disowned by family and friends! I would be alone and as Jimi Hendrix once said "Lonliness is such a drag!"
