FTM question

[AngGG]

Hi guys, I don't stop in here very often but if you all will endulge me and give me a few minutes I would appreciate it.

Over in the mtf section there always seems to be one thread or another in regards to relationships. Most struggle with when or if they should tell their SO. Some believe that being tg is a definate deal breaker and do not tell until either caught or they feel they can deny themselves no longer and some just never disclose this side of them at all.

So my question is do you tell up front in a relationship before it gets to the "I do's" and/or "lets move in together" or wait till after and hope the fall out is not too severe?

Thanks,
Angela

[Kieron Andrew]

im very lucky i met my SO on another trans forum, she is mtf TS, but had i not, then i would tell any partner at the beginning of our relationship to give them a chance to decide whether they want a relationship with a trans person or not, especially seeing i am pre-op TS and intend to transition

[CaptLex]

Hi guys, I don't stop in here very often but if you all will endulge me and give me a few minutes I would appreciate it.

Hey, Ang . . . stop by any time. There's usually a party going on in the captain's quarters with plenty of rum . . .

As for your question. I don't have an SO (sob, sob, don't remind me) , and I think (in my case) being FtM (especially an FtM that likes boys) is probably the biggest factor there. However, I agree with Kieron, it would be something I would want to be up-front about before the relationship goes anywhere, if it's going to go anywhere - especially since I'm in transition. I don't like those kinds of surprises, and would have to be sure the person likes all of me, not who they think I am.

Good question . . . have some cookies.

[Kieron Andrew]

Good question . . . have some cookies.

just how many cookies are you hiding Mr??? you left a whole bunch at the party too.....come on own up!

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

hope tis ok for another GG to drop in after everything been sorted out, its great to be able to wander in and say ello although i dont drink !! lol so coffe or tea plz tuvm

[Felix]

Hi Ang and welcome I agree with the Captain and Kieron best to be up front. My partner has asked me recently what am I and I said thats a hard one so I have said at the moment I feel very queer in myself so I suppose ya could say I was gender queer if ya want, but I really don't know! I'm just me what ever that is. Lol more man in my head than woman I think for sure. She is ok with stuff so I'm very lucky. Hope this has helped xx Felix

[Adam]

haveing never in my 26 years had a partner wouldent no but if i did get a partner i would tell them from day one but i wont be ready myself for a partner untill im on T and had chest op so it maybe many years yet

[AngGG]

Thanks for your answers so far. I have to admit that this is the response that I was sorta expecting from you guys. Maybe I am wrong here but it just seems that you all are much more secure in your (for lack of a better word) tg-ness. Maybe that translates into being able to be more open and up front about who you are inside. I think for myself that it is definately easier to accept someone for who they are when they are sure of who they are and accept themselves.

Oh and Capt...I will have a double chocolate chip cookie please

[Felix]

Awww that is sooooooooo nice Ang jump on this ship any time Hun!

Hey Wicked nice to see ya on the Captains ship welcome aboard!

xx Felix

[bi_weird]

I'm actually trying to figure out the same thing. I've only been with my boyfriend for a couple of months, but I know he sees me as much more feminine than I am... Yeah I just don't know when I'm obliged to talk to him about my gender issues...and when I'll want to. I think it'll come soon, though, just because I'm tired of him putting me in the box of 'lady'. I'm lucky enough to live in a very liberal college town so I don't have the problems that a lot of CDs (esp. the married MTF set) have where coming out means real problems. I'd just get even more pressure to look like a girl. And maybe relationship problems...I really don't know...yeah...
Sorry that trailed off. I'm blaming it on the rum I snuck at the part when no one was looking. You really should have served vodka, though. Much better.

[Evert]

I never had a relation (being ftm is one of the big problems) but if I had one I would tell her from the first day. She deserves to know who I am, else she has a wrong image of me, and the person she loves never really excisted.

[Gabriel]

Ditto what Evert said. At least for me it's not about feeling self-secure, but responsibility.
I assume mtfs have it harder in this case because they face more extreme reactions more often.