Why are you in the closet?

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]I'm out with my wife. We even share some outfits. If my friends and family found out, they would be shocked. Livelihood has something to do with it. When I told my wife, she was shocked at first. though she doesn't totally approve, she lets me dress.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Michelle 51]

Dod's If i was single and young i would do thing's different but with a wife and grown children and grand kids i have to think of their feeling's too.There is a lot envolved and frankly in my case their pain would not be worth what little i would gain. Justabit

[brenda_an]

It's a dirty little secret.

Just like smoking, drinking, Picking your nose or butt.

It has the potential to spoil "The good life"

You have to realize it is nothing more than a hobby (blended with an obsession).

Don't ever ask again !

Don't ever come over for coffee and start with this kinda Shit !

Okay ? Then, take off that dress and those High Heels, get out of here and Mow the grass, like you are suppose to.

[Sierra Evon]

I cant find the key !!!!:yikes:

[Violetgray]

I cant find the key !!!!:yikes:

hehe That was funny!

But as for me, I'm still in the closet to my family because while I myself am I nerd, I'm from the hood and I'm less than anxious to see their reactions..

[JeanneF]

For a lot of people, they stay in the closet because they built a "normal" life for themselves (wife, 2.5 kids, SUV in the driveway) long before they came to terms with their dressing. It's easy for someone young to criticize older people for being closeted, but just imagine how hard it would be to deal with something like this before the Internet and the resources and communication it allows. I'm on the older end of the "Internet Generation", and can still remember the days of FidoNet and the "GayTeen" forum on my local BBS, which is where I first learned about transgenderism. But for a kid growing up in the 70s or early 80s (let alone 1950s), the resources to really understand what the hell was wrong with you were virtually nonexistent. It's relatively easy to come out of the closet when you're 22, it's a lot tougher if you don't come to accept yourself until you're 50 years old.

I'm still coming out gradually. I've told most of my close friends and some family at this point, but I'm not out at work (and probably never will be unless I transition). But I didn't really accept myself until I was about 25, and was well into my career. I only have about 5 years as a "grown-up" to deal with, imagine if you're 30 years into being an adult, and have all the responsibilities that come with that...many people don't want to jeopardize their current lives, and I can totally respect that. I wish I had comes to terms in high school or college...my life now would be VERY different.

[JenniferMBlack]

I came out last year to my family and a few of my friends. It felt really good getting that over with. Family took it much better then I had expected', but dosen't want to see it. Thats ok though not going to stop me and my girlfriend loves it so makes it all that much better.

[Staci G]

My wife has the key and shes not about to open that door.. She knows about my crossdressing but thats all.she calls me p*&^% boy among other things we tried to talk about it but to no avail kinda waste of time. but thats why I am in the closet with out a paddle.....HMMM or is that a creek????

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I would love to fully come out of the closet. I'm currently out to my SO and sister, and I guess you could say this forum. I like to use the term I've gone from a smaller closet to a slightly bigger one.

Like most on this forum I cannot take the risk of losing my job as a result of being out of the closet. Not only would I lose my job but I would basically lose any chance of getting hired anywhere else in my line of work I also cannot take or am not ready to take the chance losing my friends or family. I do truly enjoy my fem side, however I guess at this point of my life I am not ready to take the chance of sacrificing male side's existence (career, friends, and family) for my fem side.

Perhaps one day I'll be brave enough to post an avatar. Jocelyn

[dods460]

For a lot of people, they stay in the closet because they built a "normal" life for themselves (wife, 2.5 kids, SUV in the driveway) long before they came to terms with their dressing.

You're right Lisa, being this age I tend to forget about things like this, I was just curious about why some people are in the closet, because I have noticed that all CD experiences are totally different.
The only reason I was in the closet until this year was simply I didn't really know if it was just a childish fase, also I didn't want to be beat into a pulp in the small narrow minded town I grew up in, then I moved away from home and it just didn't stop the urge for make up and femme clothes was still there.
So I would just like to thank everyone for their honest and heartfelt answers

[Michelle_CD]

Still in the closet here. I fear that I would loose a great set of friends. Although most of them are very open minded I don't see it as an option to come out to them. Besides it is still good to be a man it just sometimes that I enjoy trying to be a women.

Michelle

[MarinaTwelve200]

I dont even think about MY CDing in those terms. To ME, CDing is a PRIVATE activity. Its not like "being in a closet". afraid to face the world, but rather like the shower alegory.

I am nude in the shower, and that is a PRIVATE activity----but to go nude, in public, on the street is unthinkable, taking a whole different psychology to even dare. Im not "Afraid" to go out nude, but it is something that "just isn't done".

I feel CD is a Private activity--going out like that "just isnt done"--as far as I am concerned. Thats why I refer to MYSELF as a PRIVATE CDer rather than merly a "Closet" CDer.

Now I do not criticise other CDers who DO go out---That is their choice, and they DO have a different Psychology from me, I realize that. It just illustrates how we all are different in respcts to our CDing.

[Sarah Coleman]

Fear. Fear of being discovered by family or friends. Church not accepting of such practices. Fear of being assaulted and having to go to ER en femme Also, mom says we may have to look into professional help about my dressing.

[Jenn S.]

I'm out to my mother, but that's about it. My father pays for college and, until I'm in my own place living full time, I'll keep things quiet in this area.

[Helen MC]

I first Crossdressed in 1965 when I was 12 by secretly wearing a pair of my 14 years old sister's knickers, just a plain pair of white cotton briefs, but they were GIRLS' underwear and had the important hallmarks of elastic through the waist band and the cuffs round the leg openings, a double gusset and NO FLY. By wearing these I had crossed my personal Rubicon as in those days all men and boys had as underwear was Y-Fronts or Undershorts very different from Girls' Panties. I soon found that as well as my sister's panties that I was wearing every day instead of Y-Fronts unless I did PE or Games at school, I was also attracted to wearing other items of Girls and Women's clothing such as skirts, blouses and bras and dressed in these when I was alone at home.

There is no way I could have "Come out" in those days as what was then called a Transvestite (an expression I actually prefer to Crossdresser). My father was very old fashioned and I shudder to think what would have happened to me ad I been found out as this was before such measures as decriminalising Homosexuality and the "Free Love" movement of the later 1960s. Also I would have got a very hard time of it at school if I had been discovered there wearing "lassies' knickers" under my trousers. I would have loved to have gone to school wearing the same uniform, grey pleated skirt, pale blue blouse, stockings etc as my sister and the other girls but such an idea was "Fantasy Island" in those days over 40 years ago now. Luckily I was never "busted" at home or school.

When I left home and moved away I was in the mid 1970s accidentally discovered where I then worked and this gave me a hard time and I left that job. I thus became very secretive about my CD activities .

When I was married my wife was quite easy with my dressing at home and we even shared panties and other items.

Although when I was younger I may have been able to pass, these days with middle aged spread etc I could not do so. In any event I am happy to "underdress" 24/7 and only dress externally en-femme at home . The closest I get to wearing a skirt outdoors is a kilt. Yes I know some purists will say that is a mans's garment but they are very lucky to be able to pass and dress en-femme outdoors, for some of us a kilt, with women's knickers beneath , is as close as we can get to wearing a skirt in public.

Things are changing but slowly here in the UK with the appearance of utilikilts for men in plain colours rather than in tartan (plaid) and I have seen a few men in their late teens or 20s wearing them in London and nobody being that bothered. However until these gain widespread acceptance the chance of a man wearing a plain skirt in public never mind a pretty dress etc is still a long way off. I feel it will take some iconic sports or pop or entertainment star to come out ans not only state that he is a CD but appear in public wearing a skirt or dress. I had great hopes that David Beckham might have done this when he said that he wore his wife Victoria's panties and was once seen wearing a sarong but thatw as a false dawn. If some such folk hero did do and younger men copied them the barriers would collapse as surely as did the Berlin Wall.

I have come out of course to my ex-wife and an ex-girlriend and a couple of very liberal male friends , all of whom are in no way critical of my CD side. I think my sister Anne now aged 56 may know and and as she is a very tolerant person I may well tell her as our father is now safely out of it in an old folks home, not that he had any more influence or power over me from when I left the family home at 18, and alas our mother is no longer with us.

[KimberlyS]

I started reading this thread and I quickly had my answer. And as I read the responses I agreed with many of them as why I was in the closet. I have a male life I enjoy most of the time. I have a wife and my 2.5 kids. Have our mini van and car. And I even have my boy toys. Ask you know boys do not grow up, their toys just get bigger. I enjoy my job, for being a job. I enjoy living in a small town for the most part, nice people, slower paced life, little traffic.

But if I did come out her as many have put it, our life would be hell. My job would be very questionable, my wifes job may be safe, but the working environment would get tense, and kids already have a hard enough time, why give the other kids more things to pick on my kids about.

And on top of that I consider myself a guy in a dress type of CDer. While I can and still do get out in full femme attire including a wig and makeup. The wig and makeup is not me. I just want to put on my choice of clothes and go about my current male life. But I do not see that happening in this little town any time soon.

So like most of us, we all make choices in our lives. While I know I am a CDer, I am also a husband, a father, and one who lives in a conservative small town. I make choices so I can have it all.

I also look at my CDing like other things in my life. Many things in our lives and private an most other people do not need to know. Do I let everyone else know how much money I make, how much, how often, or how I have sex with my wife, the details of our nightly conversation. Get real. Many details in our lives we do not share with other as there is no need to share them.

So most of the time I wear a mix of male and unisex visible female clothes. Some days more or all male, some days more or all female. When my kids are out of the house, I can dress in some of the more feminine looking female clothes that I like, such as skirts, frilly tops, heels. And when I need to get out in public I present a male or a female image that the public can handle and looks "Normal" to them.

So am I out. I would say yes I am out. I am out to my wife, I am out to those that we want to know, I am out of the closet, I am even out of the house. I am out the way that I currently want to be to have all that I want.

Would I want to be out differently. Yes. But we all make choices and these are my choice.

KimberlyS-CD
Joe in a skirt

[Michelle Ellis]

Fear.

Coming out is something I feel I have to do, and yet I cannot bring myself to do it.

I've been trying to find a way for about six months now... hinting, beating around the bush, sublte things like growing my nails out, and not so subtle things, like losing 80 pounds...

Now it seems everyone is wondering, but I'm not talking

M

[ElleCD]

Because I didn't tell my SO when we married and it would be a little tardy to mention it 20 odd years later. I'm pretty sure of the likely reaction. Crossdressing is a part of my life and it would be unfair to make it a part of hers. I would love her to know and accept Elle but you deal with the situation you have more often than the one you want. Its a compromise but isn't everything?

[Lisa Marie]

Im in the closet cause of my mom. She doesnt believe in that kind of thing. She always says a man is a man and a woman is a woman.

[sarahpectoris]

Having dropped various hints over nearly 18 years of marriage I am pretty certain that my wife would not tolerate my crossdressing. Her seemingly confident exterior, hides significant insecurity and a need for considerable emotional support. I think that it would threaten her self-esteem to introduce crossdressing in our relationship. For me, crossdressing is a private activity and to come out of the closet would be an act of extreme selfishness.

Any point in atttempting to come out in a sympathetic environment? I have wondered about using a dressing service, however what would be achieved other than spending an awkward few hours dressed as a (presumably) unattractive woman in a stranger's house? Even if I enjoyed it I suspect that I would end up frustrated that I could not take things much further.

Go to a meeting of a local support group? Perhaps, but I don't think that I could ever take my CD'ing further at present. Plus, cannot imagine the embarassment if by some chance I met someone I knew!

So for the present CD'ing will be a private activity with large elements of fantasy.

[robyn1114]

I'm out to my wife, but I work for Uncle Sam so I'm still very deep in the closet

[Brenda Love]

I think the reason I keep brenda in the closet is because I fear losing my family and friends if she came out to the world.I tried to come out to my wife back when we were dating,I started wearing her underwear 24/7 to try and guage her response and if it was good then i could tell her everything.Well she laughed and said "you look silly,take those off". We have been together sixteen years and in those years she has given me many oportunities to come out,but sadly I won't due to the fact that I don't trust her intentions.

Hugs
Brenda

[Glenda58]

I'm out of the closet but nobody knows Glenda accept her friends here. Living alone I can dress when ever I want and go out but nobody who knows the male me knows. Don't need the problems. And yes I have walked pass the ECG without her knowing it was me.

[Raychel]

I am out to my wife, And whoever she told, and whoever they told. I am just hoping that it didn't get back to my father,

Somehow I don't think that he would really approve. So with that and being a local busniss owner I don't think that it would be wise to be totally out.

[Casey Morgan]

I've been putting this off for a while but I guess this is one of those times where making yourself do it is actually healthy. Fair warning: this may get long. And not just "forum long" but "Casey long".

It sounds like my family knows I crossdress, and I have a feeling that at least some people at work have figured it out too. I would imagine that if anybody was going to have a problem with it I would already have heard about it. So why not just be honest and open about it? Why not just admit it and move forward from there?

Because for me it's not just wearing women's clothes. There are gender issues that go along with it. Well, actually the crossdressing goes along with the gender issues. Heck, I can stop crossdressing if I have to. It's just that I don't want to. But the gender issues go right to the figurative heart of who I am. And that's what keeps me in the closet. That's why part of my family and everybody at work (my father doesn't really count as far as being "people at work") doesn't know the whole story.

Sure I can say I crossdress. But what then? A lie of omission is still a lie. If I'm honest about the fact that I crossdress but I keep my gender issues hidden, then in a very real way I'm not being honest with them. And I'm still in the closet. Eventually they'll ask me why I crossdress. And I can't think of a reason that isn't a half-truth if it doesn't at least acknowledge my gender issues.

As I said, those gender issues go right to the figurative heart of who I am. If they have a problem with those issues, if they reject them, then they are really rejecting me. And I can't really handle that right now. Well, maybe I could. I pretty much already went through that once. But there isn't a good enough reason for me to risk that rejection. I'm getting weary of hiding external things, as much as I'm trying (and, I fear, ultimately failing) to let people see the real me, "uncharacteristic" traits and all.

And part of the problem is that although I know how I feel inside I'm not really sure how to explain it to other people, especially when they're used to there really only being |men| and |women|. Pretty much by the very definition of who I am I don't really get close to the stereotypical extremes of male and female. I live in the moderate zones, the places where male and female overlap. I'm not a man sometimes and a woman other times; I'm a "something else" all the time.

Being genderblind, I have a hard time trying to tease apart who I am into male and female and describe the juxtaposition of the "two sides". A lot of the things I can ascribe to men, there are women who are like that too who aren't men. And a lot of the things I can ascribe to women, there are men who are like that too who aren't women. I guess what I really struggle with is "justifying" myself to others, or maybe I simply struggle with the feeling that I have to justify myself to others. It's like, if I can't "convince" others of how I feel then I'm just a guy, and I know I'm not.

So, to use a metaphore that used to be used a lot around here, this butterfly isn't ready to emerge from its cocoon yet. And you can take that both the cocoon of the self and the cocoon of the figurative closet.