Wife just found out.

[Glamourgirl GG]

I 100% agree with everything Kathy said. Now is not the time for you to be selfish, but instead be concerned for your marriage. Most wives know that husbands become pretty self absorbed with this, especially when they have been hiding it for so long and then it comes out in the open and there are suddenly limits placed on what you can and can't do. You can't expect a miracle in 10 days. I've known for 3 years and I still struggle A LOT. You have a long road ahead of you, but the fact that in just 10 days she is trying says something about her. Run with that and God grant HER patience.

[ubokvt]

Go slow with this, Give her time and space to think about this new part of her life. For you, don't take her tentitive position as a green light to go full speed. She is just adjusting and your adding to it by being more open. How can she adujust if you don't slow down and give her time. The legs were a bad idea and just pushed her harder. Suppose you just found out that you had alzheimers and to help you adjust the Dr told you you had cancer. Go slow.

Also listen to the GGs, do more reserch you self on what she is facing and what might be coming and through it all understand these are our stories and each is unique and different just as yours will be. What happened to one of us is not truly perdictive of what will happen to you. Good luck, I truly hope you make it.

[Tina B.]

Also listen to the GGs, do more reserch you self on what she is facing and what might be coming and through it all understand these are our stories and each is unique and different just as yours will be. What happened to one of us is not truly perdictive of what will happen to you. Good luck, I truly hope you make it.

Couldn't have said it better, so I won't, I will just say, she is right, we each write our own story. Good luck on yours.
Tina B.

[CandyDarling]

To al of yo but especially to Kathy gg - Thank you so much. My marriage is important enough for me to do anything to save it. We all know I will not quit - I can not. I will take your advice right to heart. How amazing you all are. What a great place. Is it just me - or are the people in thid forum more intelligent sensative well written and considerate than anywher else on the web?
I'll keep you posted. I have to learn how to use this site better. any sugestions for me there ?

[Michelle123 GG]

I just had this posted as a response to one of my threads, it's very informative and I think it would be helpful for you to understand what she might be going through now:

http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/wobs/pendulum.html

Good luck!

[Glamourgirl GG]

Candy,

Maybe also become a member of the Private GM forum?

Just read through all the forums you have access to and you will learn a great deal. Many times GG's and CD's debate about issues and sometimes we offer helpful advice to others who just came out to their wives. You may also suggest that she become a member here and join the GG forum where we are all supportive of each other no matter what level of understanding we have of this.

Obviously the one thing I can tell you, is to not go back to sneaking around about CD'ing. Its out in the open now, and the one thing that bothers many wives and when her husband starts being sneaky again. It brings up a lot of trust issues and that is something we deal with the moment we find out about your CD'ing. It turns my stomach when I watch the men on here post excitedly about their wife going out the door and "look at the pictures I just took" or "look at what I am wearing"...like it is all a big game to keep it from their wife. I find it pathetic and sad.

I hope you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders now that she knows, and now you can be who you truly are around her.

[sandra-leigh]

It turns my stomach when I watch the men on here post excitedly about their wife going out the door and "look at the pictures I just took" or "look at what I am wearing"...like it is all a big game to keep it from their wife. I find it pathetic and sad.

I can't speak for others who are in the closet, just for myself:

I find it relatively easy to go out in public dressed. The members of the public are strangers, and I don't care what they think about my dressing any more than I care what they think about my political opinions. It is the people closest to us that we care the most about the opinion of, that we have internaly granted the most influence to. Why not tell my wife? Because she's one of the people who could hurt me the most if it turns out she is against it. Similarily, why do a bunch of relative strangers know but not my closet friends? Because I do care what they think, and I'm afraid to jepordize my standing with people I've known well for 30 years.
It isn't a game to "pull one over" on my wife; hiding what I otherwise do publically is a result of a result of common interpersonal sociology.

[Kelsy]

Hi - I'm brand new here. ( My newly shaved legs really really disgust and upset her) - We have gone to lunch together and shopping (for her) and had wine and she said - "You know - you have always been my best girlfriend" I think I'm lucky but I long for more from her.

[SIZE="3"]Welcome Candy,

The shaved leg thing rang a bell for me! But not for the reason you might suspect. Shortly after coming out to my SO, she took it upon herself to shave my legs ( very erotic ) She is a real Texas rose! I think the comment your wife made may hold a glimmer of hope. She may realize having you as her husband and her closest girlfriend may just be OK!! So far you're still together right!? After the shock wears off and life moves on things could work out for two of you. Do you think she would visit this site?? Wishing the best for ya!

Jennifer [/SIZE]

[TxKimberly]

As I said in the title here, congratulations - you and your marriage have survived! Now you asked for advice. The best advice I can give you is DO NOT PUSH her. She has just had a heck of a shock, and so far appears to be dealing with it. You shove too much in her face too fast, you are both going to end up unhappy. Just take it easy and slow and give her a chance to get used to the concept.
Kim

[tallyman]

Hi Candy
I am sorry your wife has found you out. How it turns out is up to you and your wife. I know from what my wife feels she would hate me, Yet what doses CD do to change our love for our wifes or our sex drive we are not gay but nejoy the feel of female which is inside us. I would even say this makes us more loving and comited to some one who we love and if only be part of what we enjoy

best of luck and hope it works out. In the maen time keep in touch with us all

love Michaela

[tvgirl4fun]

Can I ask where you're going for a support group in RI? Jaie

[Glamourgirl GG]

Tess--I'm speaking about the men here who literally post with excitement when their wife is out the door and they are thrilled to hide this part of themself. That is different from those who live in fear.

[Michelle_NY]

OOOPS I think you have some explaining to do dear. I am very careful that I clean up my desk and comp after I am on it. My wife knows but she hates my dressing. If she saw any of my pics on comp, I think it would be over for me. The curtains will fall. Good luck, Michelle

[Victoria Anne]

Hi Candy,welcome to our family and family it is here. I'm sorry to hear of your situation but as many have said you are far ahead of the game with respect to others here. I told my wife after our first date so I can only sympothise with you. M y wife,Mrs.M...gg is a new member here but has been supportive from the begining. I wish you both all the best and can only recommend you look at past posts on the subject.Remember you will always have support here and an ear for you to express your feelings,fears .

[Wanda.cd.northern.NH]

Hi! I can relate to your situation. My wife went nuts when she found my stash of clothes. She had talked about divorce and was cold, v cold, for 6 months or so. She does not want to discuss the subject and if it ever shows up on TV in a show or news she leaves the room. She said if she ever saw me dressed she would leave. She made me throw out all the stuff and did after a week or so when she did talk to me agree to allow me to have a suitcase with a few items in case I felt I had to dress. She refused to allow me a wig and absolutely refused to even discuss going out dressed even with out her. It has been about two years and I am very afraid to bring up the subject. I have dressed a couple times since then and do have a new stash, but it veryu infrequently and only when I know she is away for the day. I can not imagine life without her, but I do feel the need to dress, and the desire to go out. I guess it will just be in secret. I have not shaved legs or anythnig like plucking brows, wife wife would not stand for it. Have to were opaque pantyhose. Would love to go out dressed. Did once with Clare at TGnorth. WOW! Got to go. Wish you luck and Welcome! Wanda

[slamddoger]

wife are smart thay fine thing out .it best to be honest whit her . lay low for a wild till thing com down

[CDLauraNJ]

Well said Kathy GG. For what it's worth, I told my wife almost a year before we married and it didn't make things easier. We have been married almost five years and both struggle with my cross dressing. I try to exercise some "impulse control" and compromise, however, sometimes my need for self expression overcomes my common sense. I'm not sure my wife will ever fully accept my crossdressing. Sad but probably true. By the way, we weren't intimate for almost a month after I told her...

[MelissaAndProudOfIt]

Hiya Candy..

I am so sorry to learn of this dilemma, though I understand you're reasons for not divulging your secret to your wife in the earlier years, and it's obviously far too late now to have that opportunity.. maybe just maybe others reading it...might learn from this... and some good might come out of it. Though with regards to your account with your wife being very cold about it... relax as it was probably simply prolonged cold, freezing shock... after she thought she knew the guy in bed with her very well, and above all trusted you, and at best you never kept secrets from each other like partners normally promise. Your wife found out you secret rather unfortunatelly.. still very sorry to have read it. Though at the same time sounds you were not very careful hence why she found out.. most mistakes can be avoided, usually very easily, though in your case, you never made sure...oooops... well the cats out the preverbial bag now, and in time, though you'll have to remain patient about it, your wife will hopefully come round to your dressing eventually to some degree... you kept it secret so many years, cuz you couldn't bare her finding out.... you have to understand on the opposite side of the coin it will take her a while to absorb this revelation and be rest assured it will be no overnight fix, though i feel sure if you hold patience things will get better. At least to some degree of mutual understanding. I really hope for you that it does. Though in many cases like this, you surely cannot of believed that such a secret could be kept away from your wife all your married life, surely! she was bound to find out, as it was only a matter of time.

Well I for one ensured i took the situation by the horns in telling my now fiancee from the outset, she thought it funny when i mentioned it about me, but she loved me anyway, and loved me more for telling her.. i decided telling her as i didn't want to be in a similar situation further into my married life when it begun... when she saw me dressed in real life she said i was very nice..lol she actually requested beauty tips from me lol.. she asked me why didn't i keep it secret, so i told her... such a scenario as yours... so she replied oh i see... she could have walked away, yep that was a risk... but she said.. that i must love her like mad for revealing this side of me to her, risking her doing that, and she gave me a peck on the cheek... and we got on really well.... that was whilst we were simply just in touch with each other.... before engagement... and the engagement still went ahead, it could so easily have been cancelled, but to be honest we both loved each other loads anyway.. and generally true love will overcome pretty well anything, including if informed at an early stage even crossdressing. If she had left me, then at least i wouldn't have been living a false life with her dreading her finding out.

Though sincerely hope you sort this problem out in time


Take care..

[paulaN]

my heart goes out to you and your wife. been there and done that. don't push it. only time will tell how this will all play out. best of luck hun.