I would ask, how do you hook and unhook bras from behind. It drives me crazy that I have not mastered this skill yet. It should be easy arrgh!
I would ask, how do you hook and unhook bras from behind. It drives me crazy that I have not mastered this skill yet. It should be easy arrgh!
What the world need now is love, sweet love.....
Some can be difficult from behind. I just always save time by wrapping it backwards around my chest, do the hooks & then slide it around to normal position & put each arm through.Originally Posted by jessie_cal
Alright, I will answer your questions, I guess it's fair that you turned the tables.
1. I was shocked and stunned. I didn't really know what to think except that aren't crossdressers just people from movies or extremists who have their sex changed or men who are gay? I knew that you weren't any of those so I knew what I could say and that was that I still loved you.
2. I was noticeably and understandably upset. You had led me to believe that you were over this minus the lady's gloves and I had come to acceptance about that as long as you didn't touch me as you were wearing them. I am a very sensitive person to the sense of touch and I can read emotions very well through people's eyes, body language and if they would like shake my hand, give me a pat on the arm et cetera, and when he wore gloves and held me, I didn't feel him, I just felt the gloves.
3. You actually told me too much. I was in extreme sensory overload for about two weeks until I could be rational about it all. I had only wished you had taken smaller steps.
4. No, but it would have been nice to do more of the initial conversations about cross dressing in person.
5. Not really but this can be left for private.
6. A less awkward coming out to C.P. ummm, well it would make for interesting conversation since she's going to be my maid of honor. But something to make it less awkward, it's Halloween and we corner her into a private conversation and tell her while dressed? Yet I still think that it would be awkward.
Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.
~Rumi~
You always admire what you really don't understand.
~Blaise Pascal~
AJ_GG:
You surely have put forth some very deep and important inquiries over the last few weeks. IMO, some of the replies have been the very essence of what CDing is all about!
I am a crossdresser b/c that IS what I am! I cannot change this aspect of my very being!!! It IS a part of who I am, and I have known this since I was very young (5 y.o.)! I guess this is why I refer to my CDing as my "second self" -- that my very being is absolutely and unequivocally dichotomous!!! I have a masculine aspect and a feminine aspect; the latter is expressed through, and manifested by, my dressing! True, I could force myself to not dress, but that would be emotionally and mentally painful beyond all belief!!! I used to try and deny it. I used to purge frequently. But, no longer -- I will NEVER again lose the duality that is me!!!
I was upfront and honest with my wife early in our dating -- and I guess, to answer your question, that is THE most important thing to tell a gg about my crossdressing!!! When I was a teenager, and into my early twenties, I would try and tell girls I dated that I was a CD -- usually by "feeling" out their opinions through jokes, etc. I knew better when my wife and I started dating and we saw it was destined to get serious -- I absolutely HAD to be honest!!! WHY??? B/c I had come to realize, and she needed to know, that much of what she found attractive about me (attractive vis-a-vis my personality, beliefs, etc.) came from the feminine aspect of my being!!! Thankfully, she quickly understood this and became accepting, supportive, and encouraging. Yes, there were a few times she would come up with a problem (or, better said, concern or question), but these times were few and over quickly b/c we sat down and discussed them fully and openly! (They mainly came when she was chatting on a SO-only site -- NOT the one that is part of this site -- and ran into an overwhelming majority of highly negative SO's who only, as my wife puts it, wanted a forum to BigITCH on and not to really discover and grow. Funny thing: my wife quickly quit chatting on that site, but about three/four years later went back for a visit only to find that, for the most part, the EXACT SAME negative SO's were still dominating that site -- they, more or less, had made it their private bash club.)
Anyway, I have digressed: I would have to say that my answer to you would be to explain what I am very, very early in the relationship, adding that I am absolutely heterosexual, and underscoring that this IS a deep and abiding part of me -- and explain what I mean by having a "second self." I hope this makes sense!!!
By the way, Kathleen Ann Trees is dead on correct AND I did follow what she suggests (b/c it is my opinion that CDing should incorporate what she said)!!!! I did let my SO know that I empathize with gg's -- and if she ever saw I wasn't, that I would appreciate her letting me know. Kathleen was oh so correct when she said, "Guys need to wake up to what (girls have) to go through . . . I appreciate the effort that a GG goes through to be polite and professional when necessary, sexy when she wants to be, a friend, a sister, a daughter." Kathleen has succinctly, but powerfully, said that a CD who truly cares about his SO should not only care about the dressing, but should put actions into words by trying to emulate the mindset and emotions, to the greatest degree possible, of the women we dress like!!!!
Carin gave you a great list!!! I think you'll find that, as far as couples go, Carin and Louise have a GREAT relationship -- and I think my wife and I have a great one, too -- and CDing is an essential part of both of our marriages! All of what Carin said was significant, but if I may, a few items really hit me as very important and should be part of what a CDer should tell a SO:
1.) everything is not black and white,
2.) gender identity has natural variations,
3.) that crossdressing fills a void and completes me,
4.) that, indeed, I like to look petty and love to be able to express my feminine side b/c it truly makes me more in touch with my emotions and makes me more sensitive in a very good way.
As Jennifer said, I'd make absolutely certain that any SO/GG I would tell understands that, "I love women! I love everything about them . . . I love women as a man and I love being and dressing like one!" I'd ad that I understand that any SO needs to know that I know that sometimes the SO "needs her man." So, there has to be open communication -- but that is part of being a woman, and if I do have a feminine aspect to my being, I need to emulate that, too, with compassion and understanding.
Well, I hope I have added some insight that will help you!!! I have to end by quoting part of what Rachel said, b/c it is VERY IMPORTANT:
Wow! That's powerful -- and ABSOLUTELY true!!!
Hey! Keep posting your questions!!!
Barbara
PS: By-the-way, I used to not think much of tattoos. Then, when I was passing fifty, I decided what a great way to express something about me -- and in a way that the meaning was pretty much exclusive to whomever I decided to share it with. So'ooo, I got a ring of greenery tattooed around my right ankle with a few violets. On the inside, there is a break in the band, and, perpendicular to the band are Chinese letters that stand for "Inner Peace and Happiness to be A Girl." (The symbol for girl can also be interpreted as "feminine" or "female" or "woman.") Why do I tell you this??? Well, my wife was wholly in favor of it -- and we are somewhat conservative and live in the deep south. She was in favor of it and encouraged me to get it b/c she felt it was a permanent expression of my dichotomous personality, even when not dressed -- even when not visible b/c of the necessity of waring long pants from time-to-ime!!! Had I not been honest with her from the start, not only wouldn't I have this wonderful expression of who I am even en drab, but I probably wouldn't even be married to such a wonderful gg!!!!!!! Ironically, in a day when GG's can get tribal tattoos around an ankle or arm and nobody says a thing, I have rec'd a few gances at the "greenery and violets." For the most part, though, nobody has said a thing!!!
Some of you have already had the fortune of hanging out with GG's. I for one have not had that chance so my question for them would be;
I am a CD and I would really like it if I could be your friend and go out together. This would give me much insite of the "Female Gender" and help in my "PASSING"
LOL
Tamera
It's an acquired "skill" that everyone has to learn Jessie, including GG's.Sal
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
It takes time but I hook my bra with my thumb to pull it down where I can reach with my hands and then unhook.
Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.
~Rumi~
You always admire what you really don't understand.
~Blaise Pascal~
Okay -- I guess we have gotten a bit off subject, but I just had to laugh out loud about this!!! Why??? For some strange reason I have ALWAYS been able to hook/unhook my bra much easier than I can hook/unhook my wife's --LOL. In fact, I actually think I'm faster and better at hooking/unhooking MY bra than my wife is at doing the same with HER bra!!! (It is late -- or early, depending on how you look at things -- so I guess I'm getting punchy. Bet this post won't seem nearly as funny when I read it later!) :D
I think at some point in EVERYONE'S life, they tend to feel dissatisfied with their condition and try to do things to make it more in line of what they feel like on the inside. I've struggled with weight issues and I realized that when I saw photographs of myself I was much bigger than I actually felt. I think the same could be said for anybody who dyes thier hair, tries to dress better, goes for a makeover, wears makeup etc. To me, dressing and acting like a woman makes me feel more in line with how I feel on the inside. So I guess I would tell a GG that crossdressing for me is like putting on makeup for them. It won't change who we are, but it goes a long way towards making us feel better about ourselves and making the outside feel more like the image we have of ourselves on the inside.
There's a line in an old William powell/myrna Loy Thin Man movie
spoken as a male is looking at a lingerie catalog:
"You women sure take a lot of punishment"
That always stuck with me.
Sure like the way heels and a bra make me wanna stand up straight.
All of your posts are just amazing, is there anything else you could share?
Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.
~Rumi~
You always admire what you really don't understand.
~Blaise Pascal~
Only the fact that I think you are an amazing person AJ, especially when I read about the first time you two went out together yesterday.Sal
Thanks Salandra, it means a lot.
Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.
~Rumi~
You always admire what you really don't understand.
~Blaise Pascal~
Throughout my life I have been fascinated with women. Not just the way they look, or smell, or move or talk but about how they feel. Listening or talking to my mom, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, wife and friends. I rarely tired of being with them. I've loved doing all of the things that guys do. From childhood through manhood. But inside I'm also that boy who listened to and admired the women in my life. It was almost as if I was one of them.
Girls could always talk to me, confide in me and include me in what they did. It was not unusual for me to play with the girls on the playground or go to a concert or field trip with 3 - 6 women who, as often as not, were the wive's of good friends. They trusted me fully and their husbands trusted me fully. I lived both lives. I competed and joked with the guys and laughed and coversed with the girls. When one was sad we talked and hugged and cried.
One Halloween I agreed to go to the parties as a girl. As my date had a great time getting me ready I was uncomfortable, self-conscious yet thrilled at the same time. I could not believe I was actually going to do this. She kept giving me compliments and telling me how good I was looking while she worked on me. As she applied the lipstick she stood back and looked at me in the mirror. Without hesitation she said, "My God, Glenda. You are a woman."
I saw myself and couldn't even have imagined what I would see. I saw that I was a girl while listening and talking to the women and girls when I was a boy. I was a girl when going out with the girls to dance or to a concert. I was a girl when one took me in her confidence and poured her soul out to me. I was still a guy, but at times I was a girl. She was looking at me in the mirror.
At the parties I was a great success. Everyone told me how natural I looked as a woman. I was so nervous and self conscious. Before the night was over I was learning to flaunt it a little bit and was able to relax and just be me. Move forward a few years (some trial and tribulation) and I still go out with the girls. I still compete and joke with the guys. I still council my kids. But sometimes I do it as Glen and sometimes I do it as Glenda. No one knows who will be home if they drop by. Sometimes someone will call and ask that I be one or the other, but most often they just see me.
I'm the same either way. Only now, you see all of me. And my friends accept it.
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