Quote Originally Posted by Leah B View Post
I've been hearing from my partner lately that X-dressing is dishonest. That it's playing pretend since I want to misrepresent myself as a woman when I am not.

She doesn't understand why I want to take on another name, another set of mannerisms, another voice, or augment my body (like breastforms would do). Why can't I just go out and wear a skirt and makeup and be the dude most people know me as?
IMO, the Dishonesty in CDing depends on how you look at CD and what you are doing. I am a guy with many feminine attributes. Some CDers feel like they are two people. Some feel they are a girl but can live with their male body and dress part time male and part time female. Then there are those who feel they are woman and hate their bodies. These are just a few as there are many different types of CDers along the spectrum. We are all different and see things differently.

For those that feel they are or some part of them is a woman, I do not feel that they are dishonest with their cding and being who they feel they are and they need to be honest with those that ask or question who they are.

For myself, I am a male and like my male self. But as long as I can remember I have been a mix of masculine and feminine qualities. My personal preference would be to never have to hide my male self when I am wearing feminine things. But I am realistic and know where I live, if I was a guy who wore feminine clothes life would be hell for my wife and kids, both of our jobs and even possibly life could be at stake. So when I am out in public I am either presenting a male image or a female image that society can handle. And when in female image my goal is to obscure my male identity to protect my family. But even with that, I do not try to pass, I try to blend in with where I am at.
And I know I do not pass but am more accepted or tolerated based on the questions, conversations and looks from other people. I do not lie if asked if I am a guy. And I usually am using my male credit card pay for many things and ID to verify my age or use of the CC. So similar to one other response to your post. Yes at times you could say I say or present little white lies looking more feminine that I normally do. But the main reason is for the protection of my family. If I did not have a family, IMO things would be different. I would most likely be out as a guy who wears a mix of male and female clothes. And yes my wife and I have discussed this and that is where I got the I will present a male or female image that society can handle when out in public. I am not committing a crime and I am not trying to make anyone believe I am someone else. I guess you could say I am surprising other people on how feminine I can look if they happen to notice me or interact with me. Otherwise I am just another face in the landscape of life.

But I do agree also with your wife. There are those that are being dishonest about their CDing. But every group has their better people and those they may wish were not part of their group.

As for pretending. We all pretend to be lots of things that we are not. The pretending is ok. But often there is a fine line where pretend can become dishonest, lies, and deceit.

You and your wife need to focus on who and what you are and not others. Your wife needs to be able to believe you and trust you.