Originally Posted by
sometimes_miss
All I can say, is the best of luck. My ex was also a 34 y/o nurse, very tolerant and accepting of other people being gay, TS, whatever gender they wanted to be. She was also very much a tomboy, so I thought that she would understand that gender isn't necessarily a completely rigid concept. I had done everything I could to be the perfect husband in every other way, and in every thought of coming out to her, I was absolutely sure that all the good things about me would surely be enough for her to forgive this one thing. Nope. She was okay with crossdressers, but that didn't include me. It was just another NIMBY situation, to the extreme. We divorced a few years later, with her blackmailing me for everything we had, or she would expose me to work, family, friends, and she had tricked me into letting her take pictures of me dressed up (a neat little subterfuge where she had appeared to change her mind, and even bought me some girl clothes to wear), which she also planned to distribute if I didn't agree to her demands.
AFAIK, she held up her end of the bargain, but then I never saw any of her family/friends again, so I can never be sure.
I, too, wrote my wife a loving letter, but to no avail. She wanted none of it. The fury at finding out that I 'wasn't the man she thought she married', was intense. Since you have the benefit of having told her of some of your previous dressing up and bisexual experiences weighs in your favor. However, there's always the possibility that she may have believed that those experiences were just youthful indiscretions, simple experimentation that didn't reflect and wasn't representitive of the adult you grew into, and who she married.
I understand your desire to tell her about yourself. However, consider the worst possible outcome, and if you are okay with that, then proceed. Because myself and thousands of others have experienced that worst possibility, and for me, at least, it felt like my life was over. Seeing that you now have a child, you may wish to move a bit more slowly to see how she takes it. Perhaps wait until Halloween and see if she's okay with you dressing up again, and watch her carefully to see if there's any concern on her face when you do it, and then maybe ask if she's okay with the two of you going out together as a girl's night out. As long as it's only the two of you, it may go over better that way.
Regarding her debt, remember that women reserve the right for deception, for themselves. They insist on complete honesty from their mates, though.
My own theory of why it is so upsetting to our SO's is that I believe that we don't fall in love with the person, we fall in love with the person that we believe them to be, based on everything that we think we know about them. The sudden change from being sexually attracted to a masculine male, to a feminine UNmasculine one, can potentially destroy the sexual attraction for her, and once that's gone, away too can go the romantic love. And once that's gone, a woman will want to replace that to feel loved and sexually desired BY A 'REAL MAN', and if that happens it just might be someone else instead of you. Then the marriage is all but over, and potentially the thoughts of realization that her whole life up to that point was all just one big lie.
I'm not saying all this will definitely happen, but it can.
Tread carefully. You can't un-ring a bell.
