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Thread: If asked outright, would you lie to your family?

  1. #1
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    If asked outright, would you lie to your family?

    I ask this having seen a few posts about being asked, and still lying.

    As mentioned I have been put in this position twice in the past 18 months, and both times I have answered every question truthfully. The first time I clearly didn't say enough, as my wife seemed to think it was a phase I was going through, and that it's not really a constant part of me. The second time I was sure to clear that up.

    I think there are four categories here:

    1) She asked, I lied, she found out later anyway.

    2) She asked, I was honest about it.

    3) She hasn't asked, but I would lie.

    4) She hasn't asked, and I would be honest.



    Which category are you?

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    I told her and my adult children

  3. #3
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    5). Or 2A). She did not ask but found out by accident and I was honest and told her when she did asked.

    BUT in her mind because I didn?t tell her and hid it, I lied to her.. she still feels that way after 15 years.
    Last edited by Karren H; 03-08-2021 at 09:20 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    6) I initiated the conversation.

  5. #5
    Reality Check
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    My wife knows and tolerates my little "hobby".

    As for others, I would admit to it only if caught.
    Krisi

  6. #6
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Interesting question, Charlotte, and an important one. For me, it would depend on who is asking. If they are not very compassionate I would probably lie because of a risk they would go south and be critical and maybe think I had lost my marbles. But others who are more sensitive to diversity and more accepting I would likely tell the truth. In my extended family there are some that I would not tell anything personal, especially about something as non-tradiitional as gender variance, but others I have told and received a lot of understanding. To me the important things is not ask them to keep it a secret. That puts a burden on them. If they are really supportive then they will likely be considerate about who else they tell. It is the other ones you need to watch out for.

    All that said, sometimes in family get togethers I am teased about my "feminine inclinations." Sure doesn't feel good. They think it is cute; to me it is prejudicial and discriminatory and cruel. No matter how much they think they understand they really don't and perhaps can't fully - they are cisgender.

  7. #7
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    If my wife confronted me with this, I would be truthful about dressing and offer no additional information. Anyone else? I would deny it to the death unless they had irrefutable proof.

  8. #8
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    I?m surprised any of you ladies ever have the time to dress..
    Always on this bloomin website 😂
    It?s overuse of internet counselling that?s needed 🤣

    Think I?d only be honest if they really suspected or were caught and I was trying to explain it

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Charlotte,
    I don't lie, but I don't always volunteer the information
    luv J

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirsty2907 View Post
    I?m surprised any of you ladies ever have the time to dress..
    Always on this bloomin website ��
    Where else would we go during Covid Lockdown?
    Get dressed and head to Crossdressers.com !
    stay healthy!
    luv J

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    I approach it as a used car salesman would. I tell the truth when cornered but do not volunteer any information that I am not specifically asked.

    When women corner their crossdressing partner and demand that they never want to see us dressed or know that we are dressing are they encouraging us to be truthful or stealth?

  11. #11
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    Chalotte,
    It's very sad we are forced into this situation but sadly at time inevitable . I have asked this question in context of filling in the 2021 UK census form so there's a possibility the lying could extend outside the family .

    Setting aside your list I found even after I separated the lying didn't end , the problem was other people had been placed in this situation . The first meeting with my daughter forced her into not telling my wife my sister in law met me for coffee again choosing not to reveal it to my wife inititally .

    Also referring to a thread asking if it's genetic , which I belive it is , we shouldn't have to lie about something inherent in us , we can't change what we are so lying about it can be metally quite destructive .

    Personally I'm not convinced DADT really works , at most it's a short term compromise until the truth can be dealt with .

    One final point which I know has upset members in the past but our wives/partners aren't innocent in this situation my wife chose not to tell me things before we married .

    I don't like being placed in any category to avoid lying but I'm afraid it's part of the human makeup , at times we have to accept self preservation and consider the pros and cons of retaining some of the truth for the welfare of others .

  12. #12
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    No, I didn't. That's how my ex and daughters found out!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    I was a late bloomer, my mid-fifties, I initiated the conversation fairly early and she's been aware of the progression all along. She has been shopping with me for the great majority of my purchases, even choosing items I might like as she browses.

    My feeling is that approval that dependent upon ignorance or lack of proof, isn't approval. I personally WANT my wife to have a chance to disapprove. It makes the approval much sweeter if it's voluntary.

    So far, my wife is the only one who knows. I have reason to believe that my adult daughter might have suspicions, but hasn't asked any questions. If she asked, I'd answer her truthfully but judiciously. In many ways, I'd appreciate the conversation. But, I don't want to do anything that would complicate my relationship with my grandsons.
    Last edited by Bea_; 03-08-2021 at 12:43 PM.

  14. #14
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    The closest answer would be 2) she asked, I was honest about it.

    There's the flip side to this question which I believe may have already asked of the GG's who are on this site. Basically, when she had "The Talk" with you did she say "If I had known I would have walked away from you."? The lying by omission always crops up in these discussions.

    If the question were to be asked by son or daughter I'd ask "Why do you want to know if I am or not?" It's really none of their business.

  15. #15
    Junior Member Jacke's Avatar
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    I am curious about why it would come up at all. If there has been nothing left out to find or if not caught outright. Gretchen mentioned feminine inclinations. What qualifies as feminine inclinations? I am asking in order to know what not to do to cause the questions.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Only my wife knows. Yes, I told her more info before she asked. Now she tells me I have bad taste in womens clothes for me. I asked for her help, Forget it. was the reply.
    So, never lie. Always be truthful. In the long run that is the best advice. Wife will or should certainly figure it out at some point. Kids, who knows, Don't ask me.

  17. #17
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Hi Charlotte, since you're in DADT and therefore your wife knows about your crossdressing, even if she doesn't necessarily know when you do dress and how, it is unclear to me what you are asking:
    - Wife doesn't know and asks if you are a crossdresser? (obviously doesn't apply to you)
    - Or wife knows, comes back from a trip/errand/evening/whatever and asks if you dressed while she was away?

    Since I came out to my wife I am only faced with the second. But since I always tell her if I intend to dress when she's out for enough time to have a session, she doesn't have to ask, she already knows. However she may have a question or two about my session and I will simply answer them honestly. This said, the case presents itself very rarely. I mostly dress during a full afternoon, splitting the flat in two, and these sessions are planned months in advance. This middle ground we found helps reduce her stress about it.

  18. #18
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    I was honest when asked. Her only concern was that I be safe.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  19. #19
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CharlotteCD View Post
    ....I think there are four categories here:
    1) She asked, I lied, she found out later anyway.
    2) She asked, I was honest about it.
    3) She hasn't asked, but I would lie.
    4) She hasn't asked, and I would be honest.

    Which category are you?
    I think I would lie to my brothers and sister in laws, cousins etc.
    My wife is.....
    #4 I know she knows some things I do are of a feminine nature. She has even said, "Some things you do, I do not want to know."
    Clearly she is not stupid, is accepting and tolerant of what I current do to feel pampered, silky, and luxurious while presenting as her husband.
    Cheating my presentation by underdressing, epulating and moisturizing, growing my nails and hair long, curbs the drive to totally be feminine all the time.
    I also have a wife who is independent enough to go off on her own for a weekend, allowing me a few bachelorette weekends.
    Last edited by candykowal; 03-08-2021 at 03:02 PM.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  20. #20
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    Charlotte,
    After reading other replies trying to live with the situation in a marriage not an easy one . We chose not to tell the wife or anyone and live with the stress of being caught out . So we take the decision to come clean and reveal your CDing/TG needs , which either goes badly and that's possibly the end of the marriage or we enter a series of compromises depending how much we've revealed . I found it then puts the wife/partner in a situation where they feel they need to give you time to dress but the problem was my wife became more conerned about setting foot inside her own front door .

    I'm sure like most we find our needs evolve , we want more , I now see that as trying to find myself , obviously it depends how severe your GD is . Often entering counselling makes matters worse , I'm sure my wife like many others hoped it would mean a cure but the opposite happens . I didn't have to lie about my counselling because she just didn't want to talk about it , the situation gradually got worse as I was then going out socially so she then had a fresh problem of not wanting neighbours to see and if they did she would then have to make up some sort of story or basically lie to them .

    After 45 years of marriage and now a divorce I can now finally tell the truth !

  21. #21
    Junior Member Janet Devon's Avatar
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    I have been married twice. I volunteered both times before being asked. The first wife I told after many many years of marriage. I was unhappy in my marriage for many years. If things went well, maybe we could go forward. If thigs went badly, I had nothing to lose. It went no where. She just said, well go back in the closet.
    After a couple more years, I decided to leave her for other reasons.

    My second marriage, I spoke up early, but after we were married. I don't think I was right to hold it from her but honestly hoped that in a happy marriage, I might have changed my feelings/ needs. I was wrong. I had perged everything so I was starting from scratch. She was taken back but also supportive.

    Today, we have been married 13 years in a great relationship. I try to keep my dressing in the house. Unless I am out of town on business. In the house, I underdress a lot. I openly dress in the morning before work. A few days per month I get fully dressed with every from the top of my head to my shoes. She doesn't help much in the dressing but will spend time.

    As for others, my son came over once and was to fast for me to totally escape but I did not come out of the bedroom so he left.

    My granddaughter was looking in my drawers and saw something and said you are a Mrs. Doubtfire aren't you.? I said no and left it at that. She was pretty young but not stupid.

    I would not offer much to others so, lie or withhold I guess.

  22. #22
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    Three years ago after my last child moved out the Pink Fog came back.
    Thats when I joined this site. I started to accept who I am and felt better about myself.

    So I told my wife, Well things did not go well.

    I ended up purging 90% of my stuff which included over 100 dresses.
    I lied and said I had a couple of dresses and threw them out.

    Now three years later I'll most likely lie if she asks if I'm still dressing.

    I'm thinking I'll quit dress soon because it's getting harder to look fem as I age.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  23. #23
    Member VS Fan's Avatar
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    Told my wife ... have hid it from the kids for 12 years ... with a 20 year old and a 17 year old at this point I would love it if they knew so I wouldn’t have to hide painted toes etc but I doubt I would dress in front of them. As for parents, siblings, aunts, uncles etc - no way - I would deny it unless they caught me dressed.... and then I would just say - don’t like it? Too bad, cut me out of your life if you can’t deal with it or insist on teasing me etc.
    Kelly a.k.a. VS Fan

  24. #24
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    If someone asked if you are a crossdresser, there is something that?s giving them a reason to ask if you say no they know you are laying. They get smart with you hit them with your purse.

  25. #25
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    My wife of almost 29 years has known of my interest since almost when we first met in 1985 (she put makeup on me a couple of times and I put on her clothes another time within a month of our meeting). In 2000 I became a lot more open about wanting to dress. My girl clothes hang in our walk-in closet.

    She has also told me "lie to me". She doesn't want to know about my dressing. So I often sneak out dressed with a cover story that I'm doing something else (I've gotten good about changing in the car or other places). However, I do have times I specifically tell her I'm going out (for example, to our Gender Foundation monthly dinners), because I want to/need to make the point I don't really need her permission to dress, and my dressing is the "price of admission" (thanks Dan Savage) for being married to me, and all of the positive qualities I bring to our marriage.

    I have two adult sons (in their 20's). I haven't told them, but as both live with us, at least part time, they might know or suspect (why are there dresses/clothes in mom and dad's closet that mom never wears, and why does dad have panties sometimes on the clothes drying rack?).

    If they asked if I was a crossdresser, I would answer truthfully. I think they would be tolerant, I I'm not going to lie to my sons.

    Other family (a sister and a brother)? Not likely they would ask, but I'd answer truthfully.

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