Anger :(

[Stephanie47]

I totally dislike any word which attempts to place any person in a box. Square peg in a round hole and all that rubbish. The same word can means totally different things to different people. For decades I thought "transgender" = "transsexual." And "transsexual" meant a person "trapped" or born into the wrong body. Now there are so many words thrown out there. To me they are worthless.

Me? I am a man with all the male equipment. I have lived my life as a man. I am comfortable being a man. I also for some reason feel the need to wear women's clothing. It goes further than just wearing women's clothing. It's wearing dresses, hosiery and heels, all the proper undergarments. No pants. No jeans.

If you get into a discussion with a person about your lifestyle I recommend forget the label and talk in sentences and paragraphs to explain yourself. Forget the one word answers. Every person is unique.

[Lana Mae]

I am a crossdresser with some gender disphoria! But instead of all the labels, I am me! Simple little label-me! Male or female, I am me! That is the only label anyone needs! I have been actually dressing for only 2 years! In those two years I have learned a lot! The most important is to just be me! No label will fit you except what you apply to yourself! Best wishes for peace on your journey! Hugs Lana Mae (Note: I type hugs on every response as that person may need one or I may need one!)

[Sarah Doepner]

Nicole,

I'm with you on the "Just a Crossdresser" label. It is dismissive and attempts to diminish the struggles and challenges that person faces. The person using that term may be struggling and facing challenges as well and they may be complex and life changing, but there is no need to belittle someone else because their challenges aren't yours.

The other issue I have with that is the vast majority of transsexuals didn't automatically move from "gosh I'm attracted to feminine things" to "I think I'm going to transition" in one simple step. They spent time taking hundreds, maybe thousands of small steps forward and often retreating backward and spending time as crossdressers before discovering that wasn't enough to meet their gender identity needs. There is no excuse for the attitude that seems to exist suggesting that crossdressers are somehow lesser beings in the Trans+ community. They are probably the vast majority, but without the kind of generally positive media attention that has recently come to support those making transition.

None of us are broken because we wear crossgender clothing. We are individuals with our own needs and struggles. When we don't find the support we need it becomes a world that in some ways attempts to break us. And that is the problem I see in all of this, there seems to be a willingness on the part of those who do not share or do not want to understand us to either break us or allow us to become broken. We need to continue to support one another, regardless of where we are on our journey. This doesn't mean we should not be honest, because that is equally important and can help avoid situations that could result in very negative outcomes.

[docrobbysherry]

At least 1/2 r CD's! Men who dress up as women with no intention of transitioning. And, a great many r closet dressers like me. No one, except for their immediate family, knows they dress. Go to T events around the nation as I have. Meet other dressers and you'll find others like u!

I'll grant that TS's feel they r women in the wrong bodies. But, I'll argue that SOME other trans who claim to "feel like women" may feel "different" but may not know exactly what they r feeling. Because never being women, how can they be sure what being one feels like?

And, have any of us NOT felt feminine at one time or another? I think very few dressers here could claim that!

Even us "fetish dressers", where sex is an important component of our dressing, r not simply men who dress up to get off. As I've discovered, its WAY more complicated then that!

I think of it this way, Nicole: Yes, we're all different here but we all have something in common, too.
For whatever reason(s), we all enjoy women's things!

[LilSissyStevie]

There is no reason to get too upset about what the entity I call the Transgender Borg says or doesn't say. They have their political agenda and feel the need to sweep as many people as they can under the "TG umbrella" to make themselves seem bigger than they really are. Once you assume the identity you find there are a bunch of rules you then have to follow. I'm not too good at rule following. If you cannot or will not submit to the preferred ideological construct, you must be excluded. Count yourself lucky. Good luck to the TG Borg but I've realized it has nothing to do with me. I'm a crossdresser but not because it's an identity. It's just something I do. I don't have a "gender identity" either. It's a way to actualize the feminization fantasies I find sexually arousing. I can indulge these fantasies without CDing, but it's just more fun when I do. Having this unusual sexuality has caused me some pain and confusion (Am I gay? Am I trans? blah, blah!) It tends to wreck my sexual relationships with women. So, it's a bit annoying when something that has caused me so much trouble is dismissed as "just a fetish." But, really, what does it matter what they think? It doesn't affect my life one way or the other.

[Alice B]

I do not give a "hoot" about labels and what I am supposed to be. I just enjoy dressing and the only thing that makes ne angry is when I plan on dressing and something happens that prevents it

[Majella St Gerard]

Well, I'm just a crossdresser. It's my label for myself. I don't let other people put a label on me. Some trans-women have an attitude about how other "trans" people should act and present as some CD's that are on this site. Everyone has something to say, you should do this, you should dress this way. To hell with them, just be you and wear your own label.

[Beverley Sims]

If someone thinks they are holier than thou, meaning they are of better stock, just don't associate with them.

I met someone in Seattle about six years ago that conveyed that attitude, when they found out it might be an advantage to associate with me they apologised profusely.

Sorry! Too late.

I have met others that have only had a few months experience and it has been a pleasure to swap ideas and pass on my own sage advice, for what it is worth.

Some of those transitioning have a myriad of psychological problems and do lose sight of those not so far down the track.

Sad really.

[Kayliedaskope]

Labels are only necessary on retail store shelves.


I don't have a label (unless it's a designer one on my clothing ;p ). I am simply a guy that occasionally likes to wear female clothing. I don't pass, I don't try to, although after seeing so many beautiful ladies here, I wish I could. I'm ... just trying to be the best me I can be, no matter what I'm wearing.

Nicole, I'm here, and I like meeting new people and making new friends, no matter where they are or what gender expression they use for themselves. When you stop looking at WHAT a person is, you begin to see WHO that person is.

[FeWill]

Nicole,

I agree with you completely on your thoughts. I remember in college before transgender was getting so much media I had a class that dealt with social norms and we had a chapter on transgender and all the relatable topics. Back then there were only a couple definitions for men in women's clothes and I find it useful still. The book we read identified: 1) crossdressers, 2) transvestites, and 3) transsexuals. The book defined a man dressing in women's clothes for sexual thrill or general desire as a crossdresser (be it complete or not). This person was someone who acts as himself while dressed. The book then defined transvestite as a man dressing up as a woman completely and pretending to be a woman (mannerisms, etc); however, they can undress and will be male again like nothing happened. Then they defined transsexual as a male that lives or desires to live as a woman. One who seeks surgery in anyform.
One of the main points that was interesting was that transvestites happen to conflict society more because they go back and forth between male and female.
I would see myself somewhere between CD and TV.

[mykell]

http://www.teni.ie/support.aspx

hi nicole, you look fairly youthful, sometimes you have to get off the web, meet folks in person.....leap of faith, intimidating sure, i went to a local p-flag organization my first time as male, kinda cased the joint to see how safe it was....the next visit i went all done up, they asked if it was my first time, no was here last month, voice gave me away.

anyhow, i get around fairly easy these days, my last meeting the younger trans folks were throwing around another term ive never heard off....so keep your head up and accept that you accept yourself, im not the same person that i was when i arrived here....its a marathon, just enjoy it for what it is now for yourself.

so if you get out there and meet folks face to face i think once you meet someone like yourself the chips will fall into place, even talking with other folks from the LGBT spectrum you'd be surprised how much in common we share,

hope this was helpful....

[susan54]

No one should feel they are "just" anything. Love the way you are and be proud. I am a crossdresser. This is a Forum for crossdressers yet on this very Forum I have been shouted down for denying that I am transgender. I am not transgender - I am male, even when I am completely dressed in women's clothes, wig and make-up in public. It is called ACTING - I do not for a second imagine I really am a woman but pretending to be one is fun. For me it is not sexual but it is compulsive - but at home I do not bother with the make-up or the wig - they, like the name, are for others - other people find it easier if you go some way to meeting their expectations. Often they assume you want to be a woman because they only read about transgender or transsexual people - we crossdressers get very little coverage. If you go out dressed like this you need to use a woman's name as using a male one will seem odder than dressing like a woman. The same goes for toilets - use the Ladies. If I must have a label I will choose my own - I am a gender tourist. I am like a Brit who loves going to France, eating French food, dressing in French clothes, speaking French and even using French body language - and being happy if anyone thinks I really am French. At no stage do I think I actually am French, nor do I want to live there permanently or become a French citizen. As a gender tourist I temporarily enjoy the aspects of women's lives I like - the clothes and how I look , and I have not had to endure years of being bombarded with messages that I am inferior or being patronised (or worse) by men. I get the good bits. I love being a man but I love dressing like a woman - and I remain a man in my own mind when so dressed. I will not be told by anyone that there is something else involved and I will reject any transgender label applied to me. Everyone on this Forum should have the confidence to be the person THEY want to be, not what others on this Forum decree you should be. A bit more support and a bit less criticism of fellow Forum members would be good.

[Jenny22]

Interesting post and responses, and a new label: "Gender Tourist." (Thanks, Susan).

xNicolex closed her post with:"I'm not enough of a woman to qualify for your stupid labeling system. All in all I'm still quite alone Outside the lines of labels and theory's, gender and womanhood. I've never even met anyone like me trans,crossdresser whatever. I've reached out to some over social media groups but none wanted any kind of actual friendship, no matter how long we exchanged messages. Nobody wants to get to know me as a person, I'm always just some sexual curiosity or ''one of those ones'' I'm sorry I just feel so broken right now."

Though I'm some 8,000 miles away, I'd love to be your friend! PM me anytime you wish. I sorta know how you are feeling. Those of you in Ireland and the UK, DO reach out to this sister, please!

WE didn't invent the labels. Thank the psycho-professionals for them, though one or more were probably picked up from persons in our culture. Personally, IMO, the TG grouping fits all of us that aren't TS or CDs who have NEVER had a female type thought while dressed. I don't mind the TG label at all.

[Nikki A.]

Nicole, you're not alone. There are plenty of us who may have a foot in each of "labels" but not fully defined in any. As for me I know I'm under the TG umbrella but after that I am somewhere in between the labels.
The only one you need to be true to to be happy is yourself. I don't care for labels, I'm me, I accept me, and I'm happy being me. People will see the true you and accept you as long as you accept yourself.
As an aside in looking at your pictures you are a truly attractive lass. I wish I looked 1/10 as good as you.

[Trione]

I just enjoy the feel of woman clothes, I could never pass (short beard) but wish I could go out somewhere as a MIAD. Enjoy what you enjoy and lets others ruin themselves in their dislikes.

[xNicolex]

Thanks girls for all your kind replies I honestly didn't expect such a big response, but I'm happy to see that my opinion is valid in the sense that I'm not the only one thinking this way. I guess my take from reading all your replies is this, I will try to no longer worry so much about the labels that binned me but, just try to be the best version of myself as I can be Forget the haters and discriminators and just be extra AF

[Jean 103]

Nicole, I'm one that really doesn't fit into these boxes. I've been called gender fluid, at the time I didn't know what it ment. I live as Jean a transgender person. I like this as it implies that this isn't just some hobby, it's my life. I live in the real world among everyday people. I've met a few trans people but I don't really feel that I'm one of them. I use the term with people as I believe it is easier for them to understand. I've attended a local transgender support group, i feel like an outsider there because I'm not planning on having any operations. They are all very nice there its just me. To my friends I'm just Jean. No need for lables.

[ellbee]

I've used that phrase "just a crossdresser" here on this forum a few times.

But when I have, I was coming from this mind-set...


From what I know, there's a decent chunk of CD'ers out there (perhaps not on this forum) who simply have a very small "stash" of, say, pantyhose & heels. Heck, they probably don't shave their legs, for that matter.

And what they'll do is throw them on every now & then, in private, do their "man business," then take them off & put them away for another time. It's basically their guilty little sexual secret. Perhaps they "hate" themselves afterward, and maybe even purge once in a while because they feel like they need to stop this little addiction of theirs, perhaps believing that it's "wrong" or "gay." And they don't want anyone to ever find out about it. However, it adds a whole new heightened dimension to their thrill, and it definitely feels oh-so-good. And that's all they do. They are crossdressing -- but in a much different way than quite a few here.

They are *not* going further down the rabbit-hole of a whole female presentation. They don't have a female name for themselves. They aren't registered members of a CD forum, with hundreds of posts under their belt. They don't have the need or desire. For them, it's simply all about a couple key articles of clothing, and the sexual release.


Now, compare that to many of the most-active members here. Are these CD'ers, as I described above, the same as you, or her, or her? No.

Of course, that doesn't mean that their struggle isn't just as real or difficult, either. It is... Just in different ways for them.


I don't know in what context these shows or whatever used this phrase "just a crossdresser," but when *I've* used it, anyway, the above is what I was thinking at the time. Perhaps it's something similar for them?

[CynthiaD]

Saying you're "just a crossdresser" is just like saying you're "just a billionaire." Crossdressing is cool. Crossdressing is something to be proud of. It doesn't matter why we do it or how often, we're not broken. We're the lucky ones. So, be strong, be happy, be proud, and keep wearing your pretty clothes.

[Krisi]

There is I would suggest no such thing as "Just A Crossdresser"................ :

Well, I would agree with that statement in that we are also golfers, fishermen, electricians, plumbers, etc. However, in the context of this forum and people who post here, there is a thought among some that any male who ever pulls on a pair of panties will eventually have surgery and live as a woman. There's even a joke along those lines.

I think if a person says "I am just a crossdresser", he means that he is not headed towards transition and has no gender confusion or any of the other conditions often mentioned on this forum. He wears women's clothes or dresses as a woman from time to time and that's all there is.

[susan54]

I am getting tired of being told my gender perception wrong. We would not tolerate any posting that suggested that anyone on this Forum wasn't really a woman just because they think they are. Yet if I say I am man and am not transgender just because I crossdress I am repeatedly told I am wrong. Not acceptable. My gender perception, not anyone else's.

[Krisi]

Yes and we should correct those people. Repeatedly if necessary. We don't have to sit around and be insulted.

[Ressie]

It's true the CDs don't have the same problems as TS. And I can see where some transexuals feel that crosdressers are in a different league. It seems odd that both groups wear women's clothes and many common folks don't know the difference. We are very different as far as the reason we wear women's cloths if you look at extremes of both categories. But there's a middle ground too IMO.

[AllieSF]

Susan54,

In order to try to bring some uniformity to some definitions on this site, the site has defined usage that states that Transgender is the umbrella term for everyone from crossdresser to post-op transsexual. Has the site revised that definition? All the rest of the terms, crossdresser, transvestite, non-binary, gender fluid, transsexual and so on fall under that umbrella. Now, some accept those definitions here for simplicity sake realizing that the individual meanings for each individual range all over the place. Just look at all the label threads here. When I use the term "transgender" in a post here I usually also say that it is used as the "umbrella version".

What people in the outside world think depends on their personal exposure to the many varieties of us and the terms they have heard used to describe us. With all the recent news in the last couple of years or so, Caitlyn Jenner, people in the military, playboy cover girls, award winning actors, movie and television roles, and so on, the shortened "Trans" has taken on a more specific meaning, non-binary and transexual, than it used to, umbrella.

I personally prefer the umbrella terminology because it simplifies communication in general. For some specific topics, I see no reason why someone should not use their own definition (please define it as you see it when used).No one is forcing anyone to accept a definition they do not like. We, some of us, just want to use a term without a long list of qualifiers after that term in every post we make! It does get super confusing and cumbersome to reply to a thread if we start to worry about how every individual defines the term for themselves.

[Pat]

Yet if I say I am man and am not transgender just because I crossdress I am repeatedly told I am wrong. Not acceptable. My gender perception, not anyone else's.

Yes and we should correct those people. Repeatedly if necessary. We don't have to sit around and be insulted.

If someone is insulting, report the post (triangle icon at the bottom of the post) and the moderators will swoop in and edit or delete, issue infractions, whatever is appropriate. But if someone asks for your reasoning, or states their reasoning for their own self-assessment that is different than yours, I believe that is just discussion which is what this site is about. Nobody can dictate what you believe about yourself. But discussion is OK.