What if people think you're gay? OH MY!?

[Aunt Kelly]

Rogina,
I know a couple in that tricky situation , they lived for years in a male to male sitaution now one has fully transitioned , they've stayed together but the male partner is now as confused as hell .

To me a TS is post op , same applies to F/M people .

Given that anyone with even a tenuous grasp on the meaning of the term transsexual knows otherwise, that's a remarkable position to take. Why do you insist on rejecting what everyone else seems to agree upon?

[docrobbysherry]

Auntie, she said, "--to her". That's her opinion. She's NOT claiming that's how it is or even should be!

I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Altho, some of mine have been changed by some very wise and educated posters here on cd.com!

[AllieSF]

Rogina, I do not understand your line of questioning. If someone is selective about their choice of intimate partners, that is their business. If someone only likes blondes, is that wrong by you? what about someone who is overweight and the other person prefers someone more fit, is that wrong? I can be attracted to many types of people across all the spectrums. However, who I prefer to be intimate is a very small minority. I believe that is what Sherry is saying. That does not make her a homophobe nor a transphobe. Are you saying that she is?

[MarinaTwelve200]

I do not need another set of problems.---Even in today's "Enlightened" society folks will treat you "differently at best". I am already known as being somewhat of an "eccentric" --one major reason I don't go out dressed (save for costume events).

[Paula DAngelo]

Auntie, she said, "--to her". That's her opinion. She's NOT claiming that's how it is or even should be!

I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I agree that Teresa is stating her opinion and is entitled to it, however that does not mean that it can not be challenged. Just because someone states something as an opinion does not give them the right to redefine established terms/ideas and not expect to be called out about it. Not only is the opinion wrong (see the definition of Transsexual that is in effect for this forum) in this case, it is insulting. The statement that Teresa made has just erased all Pre-op and Non-op transsexuals from existence. If Teresa and/or others truly believe that to be considered a Transsexual you must be post-op then I expect that I'll no longer see them replying to threads in the Transsexual forum that request responses from only Transsexuals (I'm not going to hold my breath for this to happen though).

[abbiedrake]

I have to agree with Paula, much as I love Teresa. It's too old skool an attitude to dismiss pre-op TS. Especially from someone who is 'socially transitioning', a phrase I understand and accept at face value.
Let's face it, our sexuality is clearly an emotive subject for many. whereas some of us don't much care, or even love the variety. Takes all sorts, right?

[Aunt Kelly]

Auntie, she said, "--to her". That's her opinion. She's NOT claiming that's how it is or even should be!

I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Altho, some of mine have been changed by some very wise and educated posters here on cd.com!

Everyone is indeed entitled to their own opinions, but not to their own facts. Theresa's assertion that TS means post-op is demonstrably false. Have we not had enough contention and confusion arising from people insisting that patent falsehoods are defensible as long as they are qualified as "my opinion"?

As Paula has pointed out, whether it is born of ignorance, indifference or just base arrogance, such a statement is, to say the least, insulting and insensitive.

[Nastasha]

People are going to think whatever they think. If they think I'm gay, OK, if they don't, again, OK.

To borrow from To Wong Foo with Love - "Approval neither desired no required"

[Rogina B]

Rogina, However, who I prefer to be intimate is a very small minority. I believe that is what Sherry is saying. That does not make her a homophobe nor a transphobe. Are you saying that she is?

I am...In one of Sherry's posts on this she stated that she was attracted to some girls she meets at HM parties. However,if they have a penis then it is a no go in her mind. So,that brought on my position. There are loads of girls that have been on HRT for a good while and have also been castrated. Sherry may find them attrtactive,BUT,because they are a "one holer" then they are not a woman and Sherry only goes to bed with women... Phobic...

[Ressie]

Another thread gone off the rails lol. I'm sure some people think I'm gay no matter how I'm dressed. Some people think pretty much everyone is gay.

I don't like the newer meaning of the word phobia. A phobia is originally an extreme fear of something and has nothing to do with hate. Also, it's a completely psychological to have a phobia. No one chooses to have a fear of heights, water, germs, insects, leaving their house etc.

[Cheryl T]

Someone once asked me that..."are you Gay?".
I quickly replied, "I'm not even happy right now".

That ended the conversation, but no, it doesn't bother me if they think that. It's kind of expected that the uninformed would go to that place and as such they need to be educated.

[Rhonda Jean]

Another thread gone off the rails lol.

I think if we can keep this from turning into a full blown cat fight, this is good healthy discussion. It is very frustrating to me that I don't get the distinctions sometimes. You'd think, given my life experience, I'd have some deep understanding. I've been married and as straight as anybody. I've been "diagnosed" TS, even though I disagreed at the time and still do. Since my divorce I've been with another TG girl and a couple of men, and from a purely sexual standpoint I'm way over into the "gay" camp.

Discussions like this bring out every distinction. Those who seem to protest the most about the gay/cd connection are those who are married or in committed relationships with women. I get that. I believe they're not. I used to be one of those. I tend to think they're probably like I was and have not yet encountered the "perfect storm", but that's another subject. Where I completely lose understanding and amplify frustration is with those who proclaim loudly how straight they are... except when they're dressed, as if putting on a dress makes them a completely different person.

Then there's Rogina's point about non-op TS. I'll admit that I hadn't given that great consideration. I'll also admit that in my old school way of thinking, penis/penis is gay, but Rogina made me think. It's still a gray area for me, but I clearly get her point.

What really amplifies my frustration is the strong resistance from whatever side to being described/labeled as gay. Not picking on Rogina, but if she said she was straight, with no other qualifiers I wouldn't know whether that meant she preferred men or women. I don't think these nuances are well understood. Rogina can speak for herself, but I suspect that to her it's not a nuance.

As one who's gone to "the other side", so to speak, it's frustrating to see that even within this community there is such resistance to any inference that one is gay. It comes across strongly to me that even here, gay is BAD, unthinkable, the lowest of the low. It has been a wonderful and enlightening experience for me. I try not to take it as a personal affront when I feel "talked down to", and in the grand scheme it doesn't matter, but I just don't understand the vitriol.

[KrissyP]

Thank you Rhonda Jean, well said.

I will add to Ressie's comment that we need get back to good definitions. Phobias as Ressie reminded us are normal. But I think here we are often just talking about personal preferences not really "extreme fear." Neither of those come anywhere close to equaling "hate." In this forum I would think we would all be a bit more tolerant than your average Tuesday morning coffee klatsch when dealing with people not like us.

It is informative and educational to hear about your preferences. It makes me consider and refine my thoughts. Thanks so much!

[abbiedrake]

Here's the sticking point with homophobia. It's a touchy subject akin to calling someone a racist but the dictionary definitions on both sides of the Atlantic include 'strong dislike of' as well as fear.
Those truly phobic need treatment. Stat.
Those in the 'strong dislike' camp? Well, I won't condone shaming but calling out and educating? Yep indeedy.
Those of us of varying gender identity and a variety of sexual preferences could reasonably be expected to do a little better.
But I also think a little acceptance of a flat 'I'm straight' is fine too. Unless someone renting billboards to say it in which yeah, maybe she doth protest too much.

[docrobbysherry]

I am...In one of Sherry's posts on this she stated that she was attracted to some girls she meets at HM parties. However,if they have a penis then it is a no go in her mind. So,that brought on my position. There are loads of girls that have been on HRT for a good while and have also been castrated. Sherry may find them attrtactive,BUT,because they are a "one holer" then they are not a woman and Sherry only goes to bed with women... Phobic...

I don't wish to continue this discussion, Rogina. So, if u wish to label me "phobic" u go rite ahead!

I believe the fact that I like ALL trans, no matter where they r along the male to female road, says I'm not. However, I have no control over whom I'm attracted to. I wish I wasn't straight. I'm often sad nothing male turns me on.

If that means I'm phobic to u? You're entitled to your opinion same as everyone!

[Teresa]

Aunt Kelly and others,
I don't just sit back and make all this up to upset members here I 'm relating very much from what I have seen and from conversations with many CDers , TGs and TSs , some of your replies are being made without experiencing that situation , some are making comments from assumptions rather than reality .

I admit there is a blurring of gender and sexuality , I also admit it is confusing at times for the parties concerned let alone onlookers , Kelly it's not a tenuous grip on reality , I do understand what all the terms mean , all I'm doing is relating to people I know , there is a big difference between text book definitions and what happens in reality , the definition may be true but so is the reality of how people interpret it .

One final point it's rather an arrogant statement you make accusing other people of it and indifference , does that mean Dear Aunt Kelly is the font of all knowledge and everyone else is talking out their rear end ? We've had this debate before , the conclusion was my World and your World are totally different because we live in different countries with different cultures .

[char GG]

This thread has gone way beyond the OP's original question. Please do not let this thread go any further off track.

[Susan Smokes]

If people think I am Gay, then so be it. There is nothing wrong with being Gay.

[KimberlyJean]

Being labeled as gay is the least of my concerns. I get what Sometimes Miss said about finding a mate and the perceptions attatched to that. I however am not the least bit interested in hooking up so being thought of as gay is not even in my thoughts.

[Rogina B]

I don't wish to continue this discussion, Rogina. So, if u wish to label me "phobic" u go rite ahead!

I believe the fact that I like ALL trans, no matter where they r along the male to female road, says I'm not. I'm often sad nothing male turns me on.

If that means I'm phobic to u? You're entitled to your opinion same as everyone!

You can't grasp the reality of the term "transwoman"...No part is male....

[char GG]

I specifically requested that responses only answer the OP's question. Again, there is another comment unrelated to the OP. This thread is closed.